Life

It was bound to happen. At some point, I knew that I would have to deal with this, but was hoping that it wasn’t going to be on this past Friday night and I was certainly hoping that it wasn’t going to be with one of the boys, but it did.  I had been testing fate for entirely too long!

This past Friday night, my wife and I decided to split the kids and we would each have some one on one time with the boys. I took Boy A and we went off to the city for dinner. And I just had this funny feeling on the drive down, something was going to happen, in fact, I even packed extra snacks for my son, just in case.

And after we went and had some fun, we got back in the jeep and nothing happened. I tried to start my jeep and it wouldn’t crank. I tried again, nothing. Ever since we moved and my commute increased, I had been testing fate on having my jeep break down. I knew it. But what was I going to do?

So there, we sat. I felt defeated, not because I had car problems, but because my son was with me. I had no choice but to remain calm, call AAA and then my wife and wait. Wait for what seemed like forever, but was really less than an hour. Wait and play games, talk, laugh and thank goodness, there was a restaurant where we were, so we could go and eat.

But I had been testing fate entirely too long though. My jeep has over 195k miles on it, though still in good condition, it is getting some serious wear and tear on it. And financially, we just aren’t in the position to buy something new yet for me. We are trying to pay off our debt and we are beyond focused and intense on getting that done and a new vehicle just isn’t in the mix right now.

So, I am sitting and waiting, working at home today, checking my phone and waiting on my mechanic to call me back with the news. Hoping it is just a starter. Hoping that the issue with the transmission is minor too. Hoping that these fixes don’t set us back financially too much and stir us off our course of financial freedom.

Read more

9-11 Memorial

15 years later and the tragic moments of 9/11 seem just like it was yesterday.

15 years later and I still remember where I was when I heard that the planes had hit the World Trade Center.

15 years later, I still remember my professor at UNCW dismissed our class and we all hurried to get to a tv.

15 years later, I still remember getting word that my friends that worked and lived in New York, were safe and sound.

And 15 years later, I still pray for those that lost their lives that day. Today, we mourn the loss of those that died, due to no fault of their own. Today, I pray for their families and pray for comfort and peace. Today, I am very grateful that when I last visited the World Trade Center Memorial, that I didn’t have to look for the photos of my friends on the wall.

And 15 years later, time still stands still as I remember the moment that our world forever changed.
But as I was reflect back to what Mister Rogers had to say about 9/11 and I don’t know that I could have said it any better myself.

So today, 15 years after a day that we’ll never forget, let’s put aside political differences and let’s focus on what really matters today.

9-11 Memorial

Read more

I am not ready for this. My boys are growing up right in front of my eyes.

I feel like it was yesterday that they were being handed to me for the first time. That I was putting diapers on them for the first time. That I was feeding them. That I was bathing them oh so very gently.

Now, my boys start kindergarten next week. They will ride the bus. I’m going to let a stranger drive my sons. I am not ready for this.

I am not ready to see my little boys grow up. Heck, one of the boys kissed a girl on the forehead last night, because she is his “girlfriend”. Time is flying before my eyes. They are able to help me cook and are much further along than I was at the age of 30. They know how to make bread, grill, smoke bacon and the list goes on and on. But come next week, our lives transition again.

And as much as I try to tell myself that I’m ready for this, I am not!

My little boys are growing up. They are learning and absorbing every day. They are taking everything in and come next week, they start school and I am just not ready for this. It isn’t the same for them as it was when I started school. When I was in Kindergarten, we had tornado drills and bomb drills (yes I am old), but they will have to deal with active shooter drills. They will be faced with so many more things than I ever was.

And after we took the boys to look at their rooms last night and meet their teachers, I just realized that I am not ready for this. I am not ready to let them out of a safe bubble. But the reality is that I have to let go, to a point. They are growing up. They are becoming big boys. They are growing up.

I guess I have to be ok with this?

Read more

Today marks a new day. Today is the first day of a new start. A new beginning to the future.

I went to work with a full meal that we had planned over the weekend, so I had a healthy lunch and not junk. My wife and I worked out when I got home. Granted, I’m fighting a sinus infection, so I was limited and really felt like crap. I’ll go home today and work out again, even though I still feel like crap.

I’m down 3.4 lbs since yesterday and yes, I’m aware that it isn’t healthy and nor is it good to look everyday at your weight.

But more importantly, my wife and I had a great conversation about our future. We have a plan for debt. We have a plan for continued weight loss. We have a plan for our future and for the first time, I feel that we are really on the same page.

Today is a new day!

 

Read more

Broken heart and broken dreams and a broken soul, just a few of the feelings that I had this weekend. But I think that in the course of a few hours of feeling as though I had hit rock bottom, that I went from feeling at the lowest of the lows, I felt as though I started to be rebuilt.

After a long talk with my wife Sunday morning, for the first time in almost 8 years of marriage, I felt as though I could take away from some of the “weight” that I had to always carry on my shoulders. I felt as though we were finally on the same page of working together on fiances. I felt as though we had a solid understanding and plan.

And in a quick conversation that actually started about one thing, but transitioned into something completely different. But I guess I needed to share my feelings, my concerns, my frustrations and felt amazing after we talked. For the first time, we had a plan. For the first time, that feeling of being broken and defeated, was not there. I felt that I could take a deep breath and relax and be ok with somethings.

My point to this blog, is that I want my kids to know that they are going through times where they feel broken and defeated, but it is how you respond to that feeling that will determine the outcome. For me, I internalized everything and only shared my frustrations with 2 people and that wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to me and it certainly wasn’t fair to my wife. I didn’t take my frustrations over the years out on her, I just did what I had to do to keep us a float.

But today, as I sit at work, I’m not stressed about money. I mean, I am and will always be to a point, but for the first time, I feel as though I have someone helping me to get us to a point where our future will be much brighter. I want to be able to send my kids to school and have them come out debt free. I want to teach my kids the importance of being fiscally responsible. And it is so easy to just want something and pay for it later. We’ve all done it and some more than others. And in by no means, are we at a point that we are in trouble financially, but we need to be smarter with our money and will be smarter with our money going forward.

We have a plan. We are going to hold each other accountable. We are going to be responsible and plan out certain purchases, instead of just doing it today and putting it on the card.

Yesterday, I felt like I was broken and destroyed. Today, I feel that there is a hope and brighter outlook. Today, will start a new day on many fronts. Financial, emotional and physical.

Stayed tuned.

 

Read more

I’ve found recently, that I’ve been craving silence more and more lately. Silence from distractions. Silence from conversation. Silence from everything.

My typical day is this:
– Up by 5:30 & shower and get ready for work.
– Get the boys ready, fed, ready for daycare.
– Leave by 6:45 for work, which takes an hour and a half.
– Work from 8:30 – 5pm in a very busy field.
– Another hour and a half to drive back home.
– As soon as I walk in, I’m back into Dad mode with cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids.

Silence is something that I’ve needed more and more lately. And even though I spend 3 hours a day driving to and from work, I’m often talking with family and friends. I catch up with my mom about how she is doing and then talk with my father about our family farm. And sometimes, I have work calls.

Often times the sound of silence can be deafening, but also welcomed. I look forward to those moments that I can relax and take a break and just sit in silence. So I took a break from writing, because I need to clear my head and take a break from all the noise in my life. But I hope that I can start writing more. It is something that I’m not very good at, but something that I can use as an outlet of life.

And at some point, I hope that these posts give my kids insight into what my life was like, raising them.

Read more

Life sometimes gets in the way of things, like blogging.  Life can sometimes get in the way of things that we enjoy too.

The last few weeks, I’ve felt like I’ve been in a fog of sorts. I’ve felt like there is a lot of noise from the political world, the work, home, etc. And I just haven’t been mentality able to sit down and write out a blog.

I feel like in someways, being a parent in this day and time is really hard. Cost of living is going higher each and every year. More dangers for our kids. More pressures at school and from the education side.

Life can be a struggle. But I think at the end of the day, it is really how we handle it. How we face these challenges. What we do to change the world to be a better place.

Read more

I’ve heard this phrase, Self Care a lot lately, have you? I think that it is the new buzz word for 2016 and here at the base level, what Self Care? Here is a nice summation from the University of Kentucky

Self care includes any intentional actions you take to care for your physical, mental and emotional health.

Isn’t that sweet. Actions that you use to take care of your physical, mental and emotional health, what a load of bs! Am I being insensitive? Yes! Yes, I am. And why? Because it is a load of crap. As a parent, my kids come first. Would I love to take a day off and rest? Take a nap? Goto a baseball game? Grab a beer with a friend. Sure, but my responsibility is to my kids and I don’t have the luxury of taking a break.

We as parents, have to do what is right by our kids. We work for to provide, and many parents work multiple jobs to make ends met. My guess is that these same parents that talk to their friends about Self Care probably want their kids to get a trophy for showing up to a game and standing in the outfield chasing butterflies.

And more importantly, isn’t some of this really common sense? Think about it. If you are overweight, you work out to lose weight. If you are having mental or emotional issues, you talk with a friend or more importantly, you talk with a professional about your issues. This isn’t Self Care, this is freaking common sense.  But yet, there are people out there talking about Self Care and how they can charge you money on how to find a solution to get you Self Care.

I was talking with a co-worker this morning about our grandparents and how they were the greatest generation to live. They lived through and survived some of the toughest and darkest times of our country. Could you imagine our grandparents sitting around the fireplace talking about Self Care?
If your answer is yes, please don’t read my blog anymore, there is no hope for you. But if you answered no, you are right. They did what they had to do to survive. They worked through and figured out how to not only take care of their families, but also themselves.

If you need a good laugh, scroll through this quick search that I did on Google for Self Care.

Read more

For the last several days, ok the past 5, my wife has been out of town. I’ve had to do all the cooking, cleaning, taking care of the boys, etc. Not that I don’t mind or even love doing it, but it has been a lot. But what I’ve realized more and more, is the amount of respect that I have for other parents.

The boys are able to do a lot for themselves, getting dressed, getting snacks out and in bowls, help with some cooking and picking up after themselves, but I have to say, I have a new profound respect for single parents. I was averaging getting an hour by myself each night before bed, to just rest. But that is the thing, I did it for 5 days, but what about the parents that do it everyday?

Parenting is a lot of hard work. There are so many things that go into a parents day, from the time that they wake up and getting the kids ready, to work, to returning home from work and picking up the kids, to making dinner, bed time, laundry, house cleaning and maybe a few minutes to themselves. And after 5 days, the amount of respect that I have for single parents is through the roof. I’ve done this several times, but this 5 day stretch was a little more than usual. The boys are able to do more, but they are able to get into more stuff too.

So, to those that wear the hat of both mother and father, to those that do it all, day in and day out. All I can say, is keep up the good work. Your children will notice. They will notice how hard you work and all that you do for them. They will notice the sacrifices that you make for them. They will see that when you get to the point that you can’t do or give anymore, you find away to force your way ahead. But more importantly, they too will have a lot of respect for you and will see how to be a parent and what to do or not to do when they have kids.

Read more

This past week has been really one of reflection for me. Nothing too crazy going on, just different things in both the world happenings and also events that I’ve seen and experienced.

From the US News stand point:

  1. The events in Orlando this past weekend and the tragic murders of 49 innocent lives.
  2. The child that was taken by an alligator while on Disney property at one of the resorts.
  3. The musician that was shot by a fan after a concert in Orlando.
  4. I don’t even know where to begin on the upcoming US Presidential election. Clinton vs. Trump might drive everyone crazy for the next several months.

Personally:

  1. I can’t believe how quickly life has flown by for the boys. How in the heck did they end up turning 5? It seemed like yesterday I was rocking them to sleep.
  2. Moving back into my wife’s childhood home. Having more room. Turning our lives upside down. And becoming land lords.
  3. We’ve been working on paying down debt, done better some months than others. We are on track to increase our charitable givings this year, which is beyond awesome.
  4. We’ve been walking more and getting more exercise, which is great.
  5. I woke up to a song the other morning that Sober by Edwin McCain & it really helped put some perspective. I’ve usually had historically speaking 1 -2 beers a night & sure, there have been times where I would have 3 – 4 beers while watching a basketball game. But what I realized was, my kids are watching. One of the boys said that when he got older, he wanted to drink beer like me. Ouch. But more importantly, I really didn’t like the way I felt, even after 1 beer a night. So, it is time to really cut back the beer. For many reasons.

So, there has been a great deal of reflection over the last few days/weeks. And I hope that this reflection not only has helped me grow as a father, husband, friend, etc. but also helps me change and be a better person overall.

Read more