Life

8 Miles separates two universities. 8 miles separates a rivalry that is known throughout the United States, but in North Carolina, that rivalry of 8 miles, can dived families and friends. But tonight, two universities meet, #5 UNC vs #20 dook.

Growing up in North Carolina, this was the game that we all waited for. The UNC vs dook game was in fact, the bucket list game for all sports fans. And this past weekend, my family and I went down to Chapel Hill for a game and the excitement was already started to brew among the fans. When the game this past Sunday was out of reach, the topic turned to tonight’s game. Even at the restaurant and walking through campus, fans were talking about the game and how much it means to them. And as fans, we all have memorable games. Danny Green’s drunk. Tyler Hansbourgh. Michael Jordan. James Worthy. Antwan Jameson. Watching Dean Smith walk the sideline. And the list goes on and on and on.

But this game, isn’t just a game. It isn’t just a rivalry between two schools that are only 8 miles apart, it is bigger than that. It is college basketball in the state of North Carolina. It is a game(s) that allow for bragging rights for the year. It is what dreams are made of and highlights on ESPN. For me, it isn’t just another game, it is THE game to watch and as my sons get older and they understand my love for UNC Basketball, they too will love this game as much as I do. They will get to stay up on school nights, as I did, for this game. They will learn the players, the moves, the logic of plays and the history of the rivalry.

Tonight, is more than just a game. It is, college basketball at it’s finest in the great state of North Carolina. And it just so happens, that an 8 mile stretch of 15-501 separate the two campuses.

 

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Secretly, I’m going to miss the day and it is going to happen a lot faster than I want to admit, when the boys no longer want to rock at night.  And that is going to be a really sad day for me.

Most nights, I would probably say, 5 out of 7, I put the boys down by myself. I get them ready for bed, read, and then we sing a song or two and then put them down. Depending on how tired they are, Boy A will want to rock, which means that if Boy B hasn’t fallen asleep within 5 minutes of his head hitting the pillow, that he too will want to rock. Tonight, was no different.  And as I was rocking Boy A, it hit me, he is getting bigger and will not want to do this much longer.

Secretly, I’m really going to miss this. This is our time to talk (whisper), sing (I’m an awful singer), and just share our thoughts for the day and be together. This is our time and no one can take that away from us. It is the time that we formed a strong bond and a solid trust. I shared stories of my childhood, some at least, we made up stories before bed, we talked about plans for the next day. All of these things, I will dearly miss when you no longer want me to rock you to sleep.

Does that mean that we will not still do those things, no, not at all. We’ll still do all of those things and more! But those moments were you would fall asleep in my arms, holding onto my finger for dear life, I’ll never get those nights back. And I will miss those moments.

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On the way to church on Sunday morning, we were talking with the boys and it was during a moment of quietness that Boy A shouted out that he had 5 Girlfriends. And if that wasn’t enough, not only did he have the 5 girlfriends, he was getting married to one of them.

Here is the difference between Dads and Moms. I gave my son a fist bump and asked a few key questions.
1) what about the other 4 girlfriends?
2) how was he going to pay for his wedding?
3) what did her parents think about them getting married so quickly?
4) did he proposal or did she just tell them that they were getting married?

To me, these were all important questions. To his mom, she was almost in tears and there I was fighting back laughing. The reality is, that apparently my son does have 5 girlfriends at school, as this was confirmed by his teacher this morning. And no, my other son has zero and seems perfectly content.

It is good to laugh. In fact, if we don’t laugh, we’ll end up with a really boring life. And we really shouldn’t take things like a 5 year old too seriously when it comes to getting married. But what I am proud of, is how they have really adapted to being in a new environment and how they have really made new friends.

These boys will love and lose girlfriends along the way. It is just a fact. But I love watching them and how their personalities are really shining and really coming out.

So to my son with 5 girlfriends, save up, because you’ll need a lot of money for dates in the future.

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As a child, my mother has often told me the story that when I was learning to write, that I would become increasingly frustrated because I couldn’t get it right the first time. And because my mother was an elementary school teacher, we had stacks and stacks of the old lined ruled paper and fat pencils.

Last night on the drive home, Boy B asked if he could do his homework when we got home. I mean, I don’t really ever remember a time as a child that I asked to do homework. In fact, I did the opposite that many times, I didn’t tell my mother that I had homework and would do it when I was supposed to be in bed. But last night, after he finished writing the letter Q, both upper and lower case, I asked him to write the first letter of his name and he could not do it.

I had to think quickly, so I flipped the paper over, wrote his name and within seconds, he started writing his name. He was learning to write his name, based off of what I did and showed him. That was such a rewarding moment and experience. It was in that moment, that I felt that the day was complete and that nothing else matter. To see the look on his face that he was writing his own name was just amazing. Was his writing perfect, far from it. But he is learning to write and that is the most important thing.

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This past weekend during the snow blizzard in the Mid Atlantic, I’m really not sure who had the most fun, the boys are myself? There was a lot of laughing that is for sure going on at the house.

The boys asked to do a few things:

  1. Make snow angles
  2. Make snow prints like dinosaurs
  3. Make a snowman
  4. Make snow cream
  5. Have a snowball fight

Well, 4 out of 5 things from that list got completed, which really isn’t a bad odds, especially when we are talking about guys. So, we didn’t make a snowman and it wasn’t for a lack of trying, but the snow was too light to make the base. It was hard even getting a good snowball formed, but with enough pressure, we got those made.

What I’ve learned about being a dad is that sometimes, you just have to live in the moment. Yes, I was working the entire weekend, making updates to our corporate websites, but we were also doing a lot of laughing. And it was during the course of the weekend that I realized how much of that fun that my father missed out on with me. He did have snowball fights with me and he certainty would not have let me win, which is what I did. He wouldn’t have taught me to make snow cream or make gigantic foot prints in the snow like dinosaurs.

What I’m realizing the most about being a parent, is being there in the moment with them. Being able to teach them things, like I showed them how to make scrambled eggs this past weekend. That is an important life skill. And I hope that by sharing some of my knowledge for cooking, which help teach them to focus on details sometimes and other times, through caution into the wind and change things up a little. But what I’ve really learned, is that I hope that my boys have as much fun as I do when we are together and that they pass their love of laughing and having fun when they are fathers.

Parenting is hard work. While my wife was gone, it was just me. Now, I’ve been alone with the boys for up to 5 days before alone, but this time was different. This time, there was an added level of stress with shoveling, extra cooking and cleaning and working, but thinking ahead if we were to lose power, etc.

And something else, I have a new found respect for single parents, as I have no idea how they do it all the time and do everything.

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Growing up as a kid in North Carolina, seeing snow was a really big deal. Maybe once a year we would get a snow shower of an inch or so? Maybe in my 20 years of living in North Carolina I saw several inches, but rarely did I see a lot.

And then, I moved to Mid Atlantic area. I think in my first year, we had several snow storms that had a foot of snow? And then we had the blizzard of 2010 and we had two blizzards in a week and I think we had over 36″ during that one week? But those were all pre-kids for me. I could sleep in, watch tv, read, rest, whatever. But with kids, snow takes on a whole different world.

This morning, as we are watching the snow fall, easily on top of 15 + inches of snow, with another foot plus likely to fall today, the kids are ready to go and play. They want to go and have a snowball fight and run and dive in it and that is all good. But let’s be honest, I’m tired. I shoveled last night and I have to go out and shovel again. Oh and my wife is at work, so it is just me. Me and the boys for probably 3 days in the house is going to be my best guess and they are already stir crazy. I’m going to be heading out for another shoveling run in a few minutes while the kids watch Star Wars.

I know how exciting it is for the boys to see snow, especially this amount of snow. I remember as a kid how excited that I would be at just the thought of seeing snow. But as a parent, I really don’t enjoy it as much. I have to make sure that we have enough food, water and drinks for them, beer & wine for me, stuff to grill (yes, we will grill in the snow on Sunday, as it is a tradition that we grill on Sundays) and that I have to keep the snow shoveled. I love the reactions of my kids faces, running from window to window and how excited that they get, but for me, I think that my excitement will come when my wife gets home and I can take a deep breathe of relief. And when we have our snowball fight later today and I teach them how to make the perfect snow ball.

So everyone out there that is reading this that is effected by the snow, please be safe. Check on friends and family and take care of pets, if you have a grill/smoker, check on that too. And to my sons when you read this, I hope that you had a blast making your first snowman today and having your first snowball fight and if you beat me, I let you win, it is part of being a good Dad.

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When I got up this morning, every thing just seemed off. My head was hurting, my teeth were hurting, I just wasn’t myself. I knew what today was, how could I not? I knew the meaning of today and I dread it every year. How could I forget?

My phone started dinging around 6:30 a.m. with messages from Facebook and a few text messages trickled through. Rarely do we discuss it, we both know what the other is thinking. We try to act and feel like things are ok and normal, but they aren’t. Normalcy ended 7 years ago today.

Life as we knew it changed with one event, one moment, one second, one phone call, one accident.

7 years ago today, my mother in law was killed in a tragic car accident and forever our lives were and have been changed. So today, 7 years later, I sit in quiet and reflect on the day and what has changed. I wonder quietly how things would be different if that accident had not happened. But it did.

Regrets, yeah I have a few. Not spending more time. She not seeing my sons. And the hurt and pain are still there, even after 7 years.

Tomorrow, life returns to the normalcy that we have embraced. Tomorrow is a new day and the memories fade just a little bit more. Tomorrow will be one day closer to 8 years.

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Love is Patient, love kind.

Ever been to a wedding a hear that bible verse before? Better yet, have you been to a wedding and not heard it before? I was thinking this morning about that verse and how relevant it is for marriage, but maybe even more so for parenting.

Last night I was trying to launch a new website for work when my wife screamed downstairs, so off I went. As I reach the bathroom I hear “but we don’t use that much toilet paper to wipe our butts!” That is never a good sign.

I grabbed the plunger and off I went to try and loosen up the toilet. Honestly, it was not as bad as I had feared. It took maybe a minute? But what it showed me was a difference in how I handle things and how I was raised.

Growing up, I would have gotten in trouble for stopping up the toilet. Maybe grounded? I stopped for a minute, found Baby B and hugged him and told him that he did a good job of wiping his butt and then we went to the bathroom and I showed him how to get toilet paper off the role and not use as much as he did.

Love is patient, love is kind.

Could it have been bad, sure! But I have had to fix that once before for Baby A, so it isn’t the end of the world. Could I have gotten upset, sure but why? He was trying and didn’t do something intentional. So why react like he did? Instead, I used this as a time to show that I was proud of him and that he did a good job.

Parenting is hard and sometimes, we do have to get upset with our kids. Sometimes, it is hard to be patient, but they are learning and they are trying, so why shouldn’t we show a gentle and loving side to them?  If we teach our children to show love toward others, to be patient toward others and most importantly, be kind toward others, we will have done a great job as parents.

Love is patient, love is kind.

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It is funny how the weekend has changed and is constantly changing for me as I grow older and after becoming a Dad. Single me would look forward to the weekend because of going out, drinking and partying. Dad me, looks forward to the time with my boys.

My time with my sons is the most important thing in the world to me. We laugh, play and have a lot of fun and I do try to mix a little bit of education into the weekend as well. Having a mother that taught school for over 45 years, a few of those things/ideas have rubbed off on me. Our weekends have become a time to bond and for me to teach them about cooking and grilling and I have loved it. When I was there age and to be honest, I really don’t remember my father teaching me how to cook let alone how to use a grill. So for me, it is really important to be able to spend that time with them.

The boys and I start on Wednesday talking about what we are doing for the weekend and I try to prepare them for things like, a basketball game that I want to watch or planning our meal plans for the week. My time with my boys are what I live for and mean the world for me. So as I get ready to leave the office today, I can’t wait to get home to see my boys, wrap my arms around them and get ready for the weekend and the downtime.

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Well, it appears that the boys have had a relapse with their strep. Yesterday, one of the boys was at the Dr and the other went to daycare, but came home not feeling well.

A friend of mine asked how hard it was on me as a parent to see my kids not feeling well and I really couldn’t put it into words. I know how I am when I don’t feel well and it is hard, but seeing your kids not feel well and not being able to really do anything, is just the worse feeling in the world. As a parent, it is our job to protect our kids and provide them with a safe and loving environment, but the reality is, they will get sick and they will get hurt.

A relapse to a sickness isn’t that uncommon, in fact, it happens more than we want to realize. But the reality of it is that our society is willing to take medicine because it is a quick fix, when in reality, there is a good chance that we are causing more harm than good to our bodies long term. And I am the worlds worse.  Since I was 5, I’ve had tubes in my ears, well as of January of 2016, 10 or 11 times in each ear. And when I get a sinus infection and I can usually tell pretty quickly, I’m at a urgent care center getting the three medications that I need. Should I wait? Maybe? But I don’t have time to wait!

Being a parent is a full time job, 24/7 365 days a year. But the reality is that parents, like kids, don’t have time to get sick and a relapse only slows things down that much more. But right now, in this moment, that even though it looks like a minor relapse for the boys, they are in relative terms, healthy. They aren’t in a Children’s Hospital. They are here with me. They are safe. They are getting better. They are my life and I will do everything that I can to protect and keep them safe and tonight and tonight, if they wake up, again at 3:00 a.m., I’ll take them downstairs and rock them and keep them comforted. Because, that is what a parent does when their child is sick.

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