Family

We have been trying to really focus on two things this year, 1) Paying down debt and 2) our giving of time and money to charity and to church and thus far, we haven’t done that bad, I don’t think. But what has really come out of the giving, is how great it feels to give to others.

Paying down debt – If we stay on track, we will have 3 cards paid off in 10 months and that will put us 1/3rd of the way to our goal. BUT and what is even more important than that, we will be able to start really putting a lot more towards down and finish up these credit cards a lot faster. In theory, we should be able to knock out all of our debt in less than 2 years. We have cut cable and that is saving us roughly $150 a month and then we have done a few other little things, like the Dollar Shave Club, we have started doing even more shopping at Aldi for produce and basic items and we are buying our meat in bulk from Wegmans, to name a few. But these savings should really start to add up and I was asked this week if I missed cable at all and I realized that I hadn’t thought about it, so no.

Giving – Giving to others is very important to both my wife and myself. We were both raised that it is better to give to others than to receive. So, in quickly looking over our finances, I realized that we are on track by the end of May to have already surpassed our giving totals for all of 2014. We have already committed $1,000 in extra giving, which does not factor into our giving to local charities and also to church.  And mind you, this is while we are paying down debt. But what is great about giving is that we are showing the boys that it is better to give to others, especially those that are less fortunate.

So far for our family goals, we are on schedule and actually ahead of schedule for our giving.

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My obsession has quickly become my passion.

I’ve been working in Digital Marketing and Web Development for over 15 years now and I have literally written code with my eyes closed. Yes, everyday creates a new change and everyday some new technique or skill comes out to try. But it is just that, something that I’ve been doing for 15 years now. And don’t get me wrong, I enjoy what I do and I am very fortunate to have worked my way up in this industry and to have gotten to grow my career and implement a lot of changes for the organizations that I have been a part of. But, when watching Chef, this clip hit me hard:


When my mother in law died, I had two choices, learn how to cook or starve and that wasn’t really an option so I started asking questions of my mom and then I remembered my days in Texas and how much I loved grilling and smoking food. And I started off small and I talked with my Mom about her spaghetti recipe and I made that and realized that my mom was not the right person to ask for cooking advice. I started making the spaghetti recipe once a week and then I perfected it to a point, that I could make spaghetti almost the same each time and not look at the recipe. And while I was starting at the basics of spaghetti, I remembered how much I loved to be outside and grill. In church one Sunday, my wife’s grandmother asked if I wanted her Weber Grill, which might lead to one of the most honest responses in the United Methodist Church, which was a simple AMEN!

So, fast forward a few years and my obsession of cooking has become my passion.  My days of traveling to and from work now are often spent talking cooking and food with friends and giving them suggestions or ideas for recipes. I am often asked now to smoke or grill food for co-workers and when they want me to try new recipes. I am talking with chefs on a more regular basis to gain ideas, learn new techniques, pick their brains on pairings of beers and foods, seasoning of food and things of that nature.  And the importance of the clip above, is showing how excited he was and how he was expressing his creativity, something that I can relate, because when I cook, I get to use my creativity side. In my job, I am the least creative person that I know.

What I have found, is that as I learn more, my obsession continues to increase. My obsession for cooking has become a creative passion that I have never experienced before.  And not only has this obsession taking a life of its own, it has created an opportunity to show and teach my sons. Not only am I teaching them about cooking and exposing them to differently flavors and types and styles of foods, I’m bonding with them and spending time with them. So my obsession is just as much about spending time with them as anything. The boys know that on Sunday, we goto church, get coffee and donuts and the come home and spend the day at either the grill or the smoker.

While I am teaching the boys how to cook, I get to laugh and joke around with them. Teach them about the importance of food safety, but also the time that we are spending together and doing something that we love. Growing up, I didn’t have this type of relationship with my father, we do now, but not then. I didn’t spend a lot of time with him and know that every Sunday or Saturday or both days, that we would be outside cooking. I didn’t have him teaching me about things that he was passionate about. And my hope, is that as this obsession, not only mine, but the obsession that my sons are having with learning more about cooking grows, that they will share these same things with their children when they have them.

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It was bound to happen sooner or later, but tonight out of the blue the boys left my wife and I in tears. Literally we are crying like babies and it was over the most simple and innocent thing.  But the fact that it happened on Mother’s Day, might have made it a little easier and also harder at the same time.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and the boys and I got my wife flowers, cards and a selfie stick and before any jokes are made about the selfie stick, it is am inside joke between my wife and myself. But after the boys and I grilled dinner last night and for the week, my wife was showing the boys a picture of her mom & for those of you that don’t know, read my post entitled 6 years.  My mother in law was killed in a car accident over 6 years ago and there is not a day that doesn’t go by that we don’t talk about or wish that she were still here.  My wife showed a photo of my wife and her mom together and it was a photo that they had never seen before. The photo was from Mother’s Day over 10 years ago, when my wife graduated from college. As soon as my Baby A quietly asked who it was with their mommy, my wife quietly explained that it was her mommy on Mother’s Day years before they were born. And just then it happened, Baby A asked the hard question, “Can Grandma come to my house and see me?” Silence, followed by tears.

My mother in law has been dead for close to 7 years and even though it has been 7 years, it hasn’t been easy. Holidays are hard. Mothers Day might be the hardest day of them all and tonight, as innocently as possible, they wanted to see their grandmother. My wife and I abruptly ended up in tears & I am still wiping them away now. Tears of sorrow. Tears of joy. Tears of frustration. Tears of heart break.

The boys do not know that their grandmother died 7 years ago, they just know that they have my parents and my wife’s dad and his girlfriend. At some point we will have to explain all of this to them, but last night on Mother’s Day, I think that a simple statement that caused so many tears to flow, brought peace and comfort. But as my wife and I talked about, one day, in a few years, we will have to have a very hard conversation with them and tell them about their grandmother and her dying. And then there will be a lot of people that will tell stories about what a wonderful person that she was and how many lives that she touched. And though, it will be harder on us than it will be on them, as they will not know any better, we will know what they are missing out on. We will know how loved they would have been by their Grandmother. We would have known that we would have had to beg her to not let them spend every weekend with her. So with those knowings, we will have to struggle and wipe away tears and talk about one of the most amazing women that I have ever known.

Over 1,200 people attended the visitation and as far away as 3 states. She touched the lives of many and she made a difference in the lives of a lot. Last night, with tears in our eyes, we said a simple prayer and thanked God for our time with my wife’s mom, but as we wiped away those tears and hug and kiss the boys goodnight, we are hurt and filled with sorrow.

Good night to my little Monkeys. Happy Mother’s Day to my wife, my mom, my sister, friends and family. And Mom’s, I know that you are smiling down on these little kids, I just wish that you could have gotten to experience them first hand.

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We finally made the decision, we are cutting the cord! We are joining millions of families that have made the decision to move away from cable and thus far, it has been amazing.

Enough was enough. I realized one night that we weren’t watching TV that much, so why have a massive TV channel option, if we watched, maybe 10% of the channels? And it was at that moment, that I looked up our monthly bill and almost fell out of my chair, as it was now $220 a month.  After a little research and chatting with our cable provider a few things were really clear to me in my thought process:

  1. I wasn’t going to get all of my Sporting events that I am use to viewing.
  2. I was going to need to add a Digital Antenna.
  3. I needed to look at another device, i.e. Roku to supplement other 3rd party providers.
  4. The cable company didn’t care or try to keep us as a customer.

1) Sporting Events – I love sports! I live for College Basketball and Football. There is nothing better than watching football on a Saturday, but here is the realization with kids, I wasn’t getting to watch many games. At best, I got in 1 – 3 College Football games in a year and I did get most of my basketball games, but a lot of times I was recording them and watching them after the kids went to bed. So my argument to keep cable for sports, quickly went away.

2) Digital Antenna – I wanted to keep local channels, just in case we needed local coverage. There were many websites that provided options and data on which would work best. I did have 1 limitation that I was faced with and that is that I didn’t want a rooftop or exterior antenna, due to the fact that our plan is to move. So I wanted/needed something that would be mobile and easy to use and setup. I settled with the Mohu 50 after a lot of research and so far, I have been impressed. I have been able to watch golf and the Kentucky Derby with minor issues. But all in all, it has worked just fine and I am out $70 for the antenna.

3) Devices and 3rd party providers – We have a Sony Blue Ray player with web apps, such as Netflix, Hulu Plus, Amazon, MLB, etc. so we were covered with being able to watch all of our shows that my wife and I enjoy and also the shows that boys like. I get my sports fix with my MLB package so that I can watch the Astros and this becomes a win win situation.  And then another app came out called Sling TV and they offer ESPN and a lot of the cooking shows that I enjoy, but Sling TV isn’t available on the Sony Blue Ray. After conversations with a buddy of mine, he convinced me to get a Roku and man, that has been awesome! There are so many more channels that we’ve opened up a whole new library of kids shows and other shows for my wife and I to watch, that I really don’t see the need to ever go back to cable. But, from a cost stand point, a new Roku player was $100, we have Netflix at $8/month, Hulu Plus $8/month, we already had Amazon $99/yr and then I got the MLB package for $125. See the breakdown below for a better comparison)

4) Cable didn’t care that we were leaving – I called and chatted with reps from the cable company, explained my desire to cut the monthly cost, significantly and their best offer was cutting our bill by $20 month, which didn’t factor in taxes, etc. so really the $20 a month savings, was closer to $10. There was a time when cable companies would get creative and try to keep customers, but I think that those days are long gone. So, they didn’t fight to keep me and they could have kept me as a basic cable subscriber for the right offer, but they didn’t try to keep my business and I didn’t feel bad turning in the equipment. Now, our monthly bill is $50 a month, down from $220 a month, for a savings of $170 a month.

I get it, I really see why people are cutting the cord more and more everyday. It makes sense, especially if you aren’t watching tv. But let’s look at real numbers on monthly costs:

ServiceMonthly CostYearly CostOne Time FeesSavings
Cable Service$220$2,640$170/month or $2,040/yearly
Netflix$8$96$0
Hulu Plus$8$96$0
Amazon$0$99$0
Digital Antenna$0$0$70$0
Roku$0$0$99$0
MLB Package$0$125$0
Totals$236$2,957$169$2,040

The reality is actually even simpler than the cost savings, we are reading more at night, spending more time as a family and less distractions and we are getting outside more. I know, it isn’t normal to say that we are unplugging and cutting the cord, but we have and we have loved it. In quick numbers, because I like to look at real term facts and measurements. By saving $170 a month, just from cable, we will be able to pay off 2 more credit card bills in less than 1 year! There, I said it, there is another benefit to cutting the cord, financial and getting out of debt faster.

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So this is a few days late, but WE DID IT! That’s right, we raised over $1,000 for Make a Wish Foundation and I’m totally blown away.

This year we chose the Make a Wish Foundation for Eastern North Carolina as our charity for the boys birthday and I set a goal of $1,000 and we did it! I can’t believe that our friends and family donated that much money. We had decided on this charity, because for a few days, Make a Wish makes a child be just that, a child.

So as I type this out, I still am just blown away that we were able to raise $1,000 and really, it is over that, as my wife and I decided to donate another $500 on top of that and even though what we raised will not alone grant one wish, combined with a few others, we will be able to help a child.  And my goal is that as the boys grow up, they will be continue this tradition and more importantly, take an active role in wanting to help others.

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Happy Birthday to me!

I usually don’t do or say anything about my birthday and I don’t for many reasons. I don’t like attention, I don’t like being front and center in my personal life, because with my professional life I have to.  Today is no difference, I walked in and went straight into my office and closed my door. I just didn’t want to deal with my birthday today and I’m not sure why?

Baby B decided that he wanted to say Happy Birthday to me around 2:30 this morning, not my ideal present. But, I did get a lot of time with him this morning and spend a lot of time playing with him and rarely do I get that. And as I get older birthdays, mean less and have taken on a different meaning. Growing up as a kid, it is all about the day and what we can get. Now, it is how little attention that I can put on me and how can I hide in the background for the day.

Today, I’ve been successful in laying low for my Birthday, but I’m ready to head home and grab the boys and cook. But as I told the boys, no gifts, just a hug and a kiss is all that I need, even though they really wanted to buy me a steam engine from Thomas.

So for now, I quietly celebrate my birthday.

 

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When I read this story, I just could not believe what I was reading and if you haven’t read this story about a
Dad Refuses to Give Up Newborn Son With Down Syndrome this is one tough dad.

I can’t even imagine being given the option of choosing between my wife and my child, but I think that this dad is amazing.  As I read this story, I just couldn’t even put myself in his place. I couldn’t imagine that if a Doctor put one of my children in my arms and said that they had Down Syndrome and do nothing but love my child. Is it going to be a hard road for them, yes, but this is one tough dad that must be an amazing guy.

 

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Sometimes in life, we find Grace when we least expect it and today was one of those days.

This morning, I was on the phone with my mom and shared a story about one of her friends that is a teacher and how her 6 year old son was just diagnosed with bone cancer. Around 8am this morning a friend of mine went in for a surgical procedure and needed prayers for healing. And I just read on Facebook that a friend of a friend just gave birth to a little boy, only to have 2 days later him die.

It is hard for me as a parent to hear of a child dying. I just can’t handle it. It is hard for me as a parent to hear that another parent has to witness their child going through chemo for cancer. It is hard for me as a friend, to watch a friend go through surgery. But as hard as it is for me to witness these things, it is 100 times harder for the person or parents going through it.

Today, for whatever reason has been a struggle. I am tired, I was up from 2:30 until with the boys. I have had a hard few weeks at work. I have felt day in and day out, that I’m just trying to get to tomorrow and I can enjoy a day off. I have been short, I have been frustrated, I have just been barely making it some days, but as I dropped the boys off at school this morning, something happened. Something that usually doesn’t happen, but it was my Grace moment.

After signing the boys in, getting their coats and shoes off and put away, they both stayed beside me waiting to hug and give me a kiss goodbye. But this time, they both hugged me at the same time and for a moment, life was ok. For a moment, nothing mattered. For a moment, I experienced grace.

As I have sat in my office this morning, door closed and just trying to push my way through a large amount of work, I have thought back to that moment. I have thought to how they both individually hugged me and then then together gave me a big hug. And before I left, they both whispered “I love you”. What more can I ask for?

 

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It is finally Christmas Eve and this year is a little different than previous year. Both boys work up around 1am this morning and both had pink eye.  There is nothing normal about pink eye on Christmas Eve and being sick.

We started the morning at our pediatricians office and both got antibiotics. We got home, the rested, took meds and ultimately Baby B ended up taking a nap.

I wanted to try and keep some sense of normalcy to our Christmas Eve as possible. Church was obviously out, but we could watch some classic Christmas movies. So we have watched Charlie Brown Christmas and Rudolph and Elf is up next. I made a Christmas concoction that smells great and smelt like Christmas. And now I am making Wassil.

I wanted to try to blend traditions from both my wife and my childhood’s for Christmas Eve for the boys. This year has been amazing, for so many reasons. This year, the boys actually “got” Christmas and Santa. So this has been a lot of fun for them, but also for me.

So tonight, as we all try to get better, my wife is now at Urgent Care being seen for pink eye, I ordered Chinese and the boys and I are watching Christmas movies.

We will eat dinner together, watch Christmas movies and read some Christmas books. And I hope that this isn’t a Christmas tradition being started with being sick.

Tonight, enjoy the moment. Enjoy the innocence of Christmas Eve. Enjoy the moment of seeing Christmas through the eyes of your children.

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This past Friday night, my wife and I went to her Christmas party and we had decided that I would be the DD so that my wife could have a good time and have fun with her co-workers. Somewhere during the night, I started thinking back to a song that I heard previously this week by Edwin McCain and the song is called “Sorry I’m a Little Sober“. The verse that kept going through my head was:

Sorry, I’m a little sober
In the morning I’ll be nursing and cursing
My clarity hangover

I kept wondering, how many in this room are going to wake up tomorrow with a hangover? How many are going to wake up tomorrow tomorrow with a headache and more importantly, regrets?  My biggest issue is that I’m going to have a clarity hangover and grateful that I was sober.  Sure, I still will have a beer or a glass of wine, but right now, I’m enjoying just being a little sober and seeing things in different ways. Now, I realize that this sounds a little like I have a drinking problem and that isn’t the case at all. At most, I would have a drink a night, maybe 2 during a game. But I am seeing that being sober in a different way though and to me, sober isn’t just with drinking, but life. I

I am using this time of being sober and my clarity hangover to focus on the important things, working out, losing weight, my kids, being a better dad, etc. As of yesterday I have lost 11 pounds in a month! I don’t know that I would have been as focused on this 3 months ago. Maybe I wasn’t thinking clearly because of work? Stress of life? Kids? But today I am focused. I am thinking clearly and more focused and determined on what really matters the most in life.



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