Family

I always heard that as a parent, you should not blink or else you will miss your children growing up right in front of your eyes. Well, they were right.

Last night, after a long Sunday Funday at the Zoo, my oldest son looked at me and proudly proclaimed that he was a big boy and could put his socks on himself. And so it begins.

There is a small part of me that misses the boys when they were infants. They were great to hold and snuggle with, but there is something that is great about having the boys grow up and interact with them. I love being able to ask them about their day and they respond. I love being able to laugh and joke with them, and they get it. But at the same time, there is a little sadness to it as well.

I had this same conversation with my mom this morning and she laughed. She laughed because she remembered me saying that I was a big boy and that I could walk to the mall all by myself if I wanted to at the age of 3. Not that I would have walked 5 miles on my own, but it was the fact that I could say it and the determination to try on my own. But as my mother was telling me this story, I realized, I’m just grateful to have two amazing boys that I get to love and hold and play with each and every day.

So today, I know that my little boys are quickly turning into big boys and I’m going to cherish today and the moments, as soon, they will be asking for the keys to the car for the first time and I’ll remember back to when to when he said, “I’m a big boy”.

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It is the middle of October, the leaves are changing and the air is turning cooler. It means that fall has arrived and fall is my favorite time of year. I don’t know if I love fall because it symbolizes the start of college basketball season? Or maybe it is because of the great craft beers? Or maybe it is because it means that jolly old Saint Nick will be making an appearance very soon.

Today we took the boys out for the day, ran errands, had lunch with my step-brother who was in town, stopped at Yankee Candle for the Harvest candle and then came home. As we were driving home, the boys quietly began talking about Christmas and I could barely contain my excitement.

Christmas for me as a child wasn’t always fun and it certainly wasn’t magical the way a child should experience Christmas. But life isn’t always far, but as God as my witness and as long as I am alive and able, Christmas will be special for my kids.

Tonight, as I rock the boys and ge

t them ready for bed, there is a crisp fall air looming and the temperatures are steadily dropping. And as fall enters for a short period of time, one are one day closer to Christmas.

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When the boys were younger, I looked forward to quiet time each day, not only because it afforded me time to get things done, but also because it allowed the boys a chance to rest. But now that the boys are three, quiet time is a rare things these days.

But last night, I got a glimpse of the quiet time that I so miss. We got the boys fed and ready for bed by 7:30 and they were out. We took them on a 3.2 mile walk yesterday and though they sat in the stroller, after the walk they did a lot of running. But it really wore them out and me too for that matter. And at 7:31, I closed the door to the boys room, walked downstairs, grabbed a beer and turned on college football.

It was amazing. It was also too quiet. I am use to with nose. Kids laughing or fighting, my wife talking, interacting with the kids, etc. But last night there was quiet time.

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Today my wife and I celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary while we are on vacation.  As all couples, we have had struggles and challenges, but with those adversities, we came out stronger and closer.

We have had several family members to pass away, including a tragic accident that took my wife’s mother 3 months after we got married. We dealt with challenges in getting pregnant,  disa

ppointment when tests returned negative and blown away when we were told that we were having twins.

We have both had struggles and challenges with our careers, but throughout each challege, we came out stronger and closer together. So tonight as we celebrate our anniversary with our friends and family on our last night of our vacation, I am just thankful for the life that I get to live.

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I don’t have many memories of one of my grandfathers, but one memory that I do have is that when I would see him, we would get in the car, just he and I and we would go and get Strawberry Ice Cream. How I can remember this, I’m not really sure, especially considering the fact that my Grandfather died when I was in 1st grade.

I remember a lot about the day that he died. I remember being pulled from class and talk with the principal. I remember my mother crying and we left school early that day. I remember asking my mom if my Grandfather was going to buy me Strawberry Ice Cream that afternoon and she just cried.

Years pass and not a lot is talked about my Grandfather. Not sure why? But last night, of all nights, my sons ate 4 chicken nuggets, 4 large strawberries and a handful of string beans. And after they finished it up, Baby A looked up and saw an ice cream cone and asked for Strawberry Ice Cream.

In that moment, I was transported back to when I was a little boy. I was taken back to when I was a kid, asking my Grandfather for Strawberry Ice Cream. But tonight, both boys, after they literally cleaned their plates, they both asked for Strawberry Ice Cream and in that second, I remembered my Grandfather. I remembered those Sundays at the Ice Cream place. I tried one other Ice Cream, I didn’t like it and he immediately asked for Strawberry Ice Cream and he quickly ordered it for me.

I could do no wrong in my Grandfather’s eyes. I was his only Grandson. And tonight, my son’s could do no wrong. We sat at the table and laughed and talked and ate Ice Cream, Strawberry Ice Cream cones, just like I did when I was their age.

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As a child, I just wanted to be older. As I get older, I just wish that I were younger. Growing older has it’s perks, being able to do more things, but it has it’s downfalls, like responsibilities.

Growing older also shows how life really is and how we once viewed things, maybe not really be real. But it also shows up the important things in life. Possessions are not as important today as they were when I was 5.  So as I type this, I’m exchanging text messages with my God Father, who is going in for a major knee replacement surgery tomorrow. Normally, that big of a concern, however with his history of heart issues, he is going to be required to stay a few extra days in the hospital. But I realized as we were texting, that he was feeling the same as I was, concern, worried, hell, scared.

Growing older, these are the worries and concerns that our parents dealt with, not us. They shielded us from these worries, because we needed to play, not think about someone that I have known and loved for 35 years might not make it tomorrow through this surgery. The surgery is at a top medical facility in the US and has a team of Dr’s that are some of the brightest in the world, so even though I am nervous, I am confident that he will come out ok.

Growing older isn’t as fun as it seemed as a child.

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Grace can be defined by many ways, here are just a few from the Christianity section on About.com “Grace is God’s unmerited favor. It is kindness from God we don’t deserve. There is nothing we have done, nor can ever do to earn this favor. It is a gift from God. Grace is divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration (rebirth) or sanctification; a virtue coming from God; a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine favor.”

Things happen and we don’t know why. Things go wrong and you’ll often hear that that things happen for a reason, good or bad. Today was that day for my wife and I, as over the last few days we’ve talked a lot about her mom and her mom’s death.

  • My wife decided to visit the garden at the church that we attended and sit on the bench and have a few moments of quiet time.
  • While she was doing that, without talking with my wife, I was listening to the memorial service for her mom. I don’t know why, but I just had a feeling that I needed to listen to it today.
  • As my wife was sitting on the bench, she texted me to tell me where she was and I responded that I was listening to the sermon.
  • An hour later, a co-worker brought my wife a bottle of tea, as my wife looked at it, the name of the tea was the same name as her mom.

Were all of these things just odd and happenstance? Maybe, or maybe they were signs of Grace, a kindness that we don’t deserve?

Tonight, as I went to put the boys down, they were a little fussier than usual. They did not go down as fast as they normally do and that was ok, I was perfectly happy to rock them tonight. Tonight, I needed to hold them a little longer. Give them a few more kisses goodnight. And as I laid in the floor with Baby A, Baby B grabbed his pillow, bunny and blanket and snugged up to me on the floor. And as I watched him drift off to sleep, ever so peacefully, Baby A reached over and held my hand and he did so until he fell asleep.

For me, Grace is a gift. A gift that is done and provided so innocently. A gift that is given to us at a time that we need it the most. A gift that can sometimes not be explained. So, as I looked back on the day, the sermon especially, I thought about my wife’s mom’s death and thought about three of the most visible signs of Grace to me.

  1. How could God take my wife’s mother so soon. And yet, it is through Grace that we were not faced with having to make the difficult of end of life care decisions.
  2. I struggle in knowing that her mom will never know our children and yet, I take comfort through Grace, in feeling as they she has already met them.
  3. I weep when I think of the number of lives that she touched in her short time on earth and it is through Grace, that I take comfort in the fact that on the night of the visitation, over 1,500 people came to the church to spend 15 seconds with us and say a kind word or share a memory with us.

Grace. It is a small word that can mean so many different things to different people. But to me and especially today, Grace got me through a difficult day.

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My wife took the boys to my sisters house for a few days and it is way too quiet in the house. My routine is off. I don’t know what to do with my time.
I had planned on painting while they are gone, but I decided to have some quiet time instead.

I love and miss my boys, but I also am grateful for a little downtime to regroup and recharge.

 

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Of course, in the 5 minutes that I go upstairs to vacuum the boys lay down for naps. We try so hard now not to encourage naps, but sometimes, they happen.

My mother is coming up to spend time with the boys and goto dinner with us. It is funny, because the boys only see her a few times a year, but they really know who she is. They talk about her and get excited in knowing that she is coming.

But secretively, I’m just excited because for just a few minutes of today, I can relax and be a son and don’t have to be in charge. I can let my mom step in and run the show.

So today, let’s all take naps, because when the boys wake up, their grandmother will be here and we can let the fun begin.

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Today was a hard day for me and maybe one of the hardest as a father. We took the boys to their second week of gymnastics.  The class was relatively small and they were the only boys there, I guess they were also the youngest too.

Class started and within 5 minutes Baby B was up running around. At first, I thought that he would stop, but quickly it became a game. But worse than that, it was a distraction. It was a distraction to the other kids and to the teacher and it wasn’t fair to them. So after I was able to get him, we walked outside and talked and I explained that if he misbehaved again, that he would not return to the class.

We got back in and for 5-10 minutes he listened and even participated, but that didn’t last. Up and running and I was done. I was able to get him after he made two laps around the class and that was it. I took him into the nursery area and got him checked in. I made it back to the gymnastics class to see Baby A listening and having a lot of fun. He was doing flips and jumping over little mats.

So after the class, I go back to pickup Baby B, only to see that he had been put in time out for not listening. He didn’t listen in the class or in the nursery and I felt like a failure as a parent.

As we left, I called my mom and told her about my day and how I felt like a failure. And she reminded me that sometimes as parents, we have hard days and that those hard days only make us better parents in the long run.

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