Family

I only recently became aware of Give Tuesday (search on Twitter for #givetuesday ) and I’m really glad that I read the article & found out about.

Give Tuesday is all about giving back to your kids, but especially Giving Time, because our time is so precious and is something that all of our kids want.

I’m fortunate to have two great boys, that I love spending time with them, so for Give Tuesday is just another day.  But I am going to do one thing different for Give Tuesday and that is, when I walk in the door, my phone is going away. I want to make sure that I give my sons 100% of my time and attention. We’ll grab dinner on the way home and I’ll sit together and talk and laugh. But no distractions. Just my time and my time with them.

So make this Give Tuesday not just a one day event, but the beginning of an everyday event.

 

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Being a parent isn’t always easy, but at the sometime, being a child isn’t either and I say that, because I am both. I am a parent to my awesome kids, but I also am a child to my parents.

Yesterday was just one of those days, it was just a day mixed with emotions. I had to say goodbye to a good friend over the weekend, as he and his wife decided to split up & though he and I will remain in contact, it is hard knowing that I’ll only see him a few more times.  I had a former boss, who was a mentor and even better friend to me pass away over the weekend and his funeral was yesterday and I wasn’t able to attend. And then to top it all off, my Dad texted me that my cousins husband had committed suicide. So we are talking about a lot of serious things here, but we are also talking about life.

Life is hard. As parents, we want to protect our kids from life. We want to shelter and try to protect them from the dangers and evils that lurk out there. As child, we want our independence and freedom to test the water and see what we can and can not do. My Dad asked me last night how I would have handled letting my kids (it was a hypothetical) know about my friend’s death? I didn’t know? I haven’t been forced to share with them about life and death.  I haven’t had to do it, I know that I will soon. I know that I will have to tell them about their grandmother who was killed in a car accident, well before they were born. And then I’ll have to tell them what an amazing person that she was and how much she would have loved them and would have wanted to play and spend time with them.

As adults, we have challenges everyday. We have bills to pay. Stresses of finances, marriage, and everything else that could be thought of. But it is how we handle it, that separates us.

To my buddy that is separating from his wife. I am sorry. I am sorry that you were faced with that decision. I am sorry that things didn’t work out and that you’ve had to make this decision.

To my cousin, who’s husband committed suicide. I am truly sorry. No parent should ever have to tell their child that their spouse took their own life. There were demons there with him and he struggled for years, but there were other options. But to my cousin, I am sorry for your loss.

And to my friend that past away. You have made an impression on my life, that will never go away. You taught and shared words of encouragement, when I really needed them. You showed me the importance of leadership and how to be firm, but more importantly fair with people.

Life. Life is a thing that isn’t explained. Today, we have. Right now, we have. But life, it is how we choose to live it. And that is what I hope to leave my children with. That living life everyday to the fullest is one of the most important things that they can do. Live for today. Live for right now. Live for family and friends.

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A few nights ago my Godfather sent me an email with a link to 28 Rules for Fathers & I thought that I would share it here and then maybe add a few additions to it.  Let’s be honest, all guys when they find out that they are having kids are scared to death, hell I was, let alone finding out that we were having twins. But a few take aways from the Rules for Fathers:

1) Love his Mother – Be a good role model and let your sons see the love that you have for your wife and I promise, one day a young lady that your son will bring home to meet you, will thank you. Show them that it is good to be lovely, supportive and attentive.

4) Take him to a ball game – I would actually expand this to to teaching him about sports in general. There is something unique about playing a game, because in life, there are winners and losers, just like in sports. But there are also life lessons that come with winning and losing too. Because in winning, it is how you win and how you show that expression at the end of the game. Do you line up and congratulate the other team or do you rub it in their faces? And with losing, do you hold your head down or do you hold it up, because you busted your butt and gave it everything that you had?  Those same life lessons apply to life.

16) Father him – A father isn’t just a part time person. A father isn’t just there for the concept. But a father is the one that will teach and show his children how to live. A father needs to over use the words “I Love You”, because at the end of the day, those kids are going to be looking to their father for support or answers or approval. And NO child should ever wonder about their father’s love.

28) Be his hero – Kids need someone to look up to. They need good role models. They want to be just like their dad’s when they grow up, so do what is right and teach them right from wrong at an early age. And don’t let some punk musician be their hero either.

A few Rules for Fathers that I would add:

Winning and Losing – It is part of life, it is a part of sports, but it is a fact in life that there will be someone that will win and someone that will lose. The difference is, how hard you work to get there. If you put forth zero effort, you’ll lose every time. But if you bust your butt, you’ll win, maybe not every time, but you’ll win and you’ll get ahead. You’ll get ahead in the game, you’ll get ahead in school and you’ll get ahead in life.

Learn to Cook – Show your kid that your wife isn’t the only one that can cook in the house. In fact, let all the guys cook for mom one night. It gets the kids excited about what they eat and doing something nice for their mom and maybe it turns into a hobby that they enjoy.

Laugh at yourself – Don’t take life so serious. We all make mistakes, but it is how we handle those mistakes that separate us.

Believe in something – I’m not saying believe in God, or Buddha or whatever, but have a faith in something. It helps give meaning and perspective in life. It helps keep us grounded.

and finally, Be Humble – This kinda goes in with the manners, but in life, I feel that we all get dealt a handle, but be gracious and be humble with the hand that you are dealt. Say thank you. Be respectful. It will be noticed. Remember that in life, there is always at least 1 other person that is worse off than you. There is always 1 other person that is dealing with something worse than you. There is always 1 person that is going through a life altering moment and though what you might be dealing with in that very moment, doesn’t compare to things that other are facing right then.

I really enjoyed reading the 28 Rules for Fathers because it really got me thinking and evaluating what I was doing in how I was raising my sons. But it also got me thinking about how I was raised. What I went through and how my life was shaped by my father.

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Love is patient, love is kind.

How many times have you heard that at a wedding? But have you thought about it as it pertains to your kids? With twins, usually if one kid is sick, the other kid will get it too.

This morning, I was cooking breakast, listening to Miles Davis as the kids were playing. Baby A was getting over the croup cough and a fever and Baby B was coming down with a fever. And as I cooked, I thought of a familiar Bible verse and I thought about it in a completely different way:

love is patient, love is kind

Baby A was trying us, he was tired, he was fussy, he was trying to fight with his brother who was fighting a fever and I was trying to cook breakfast and the kids were fighting on sofa and it hit me

Love is patient, love is kind

and it can really mean multiple things at different times in our lives.  It can be a bible verse that is read during your wedding, in times of trouble, I have even heard that verse read at a funeral, but not once have I read/heard that verse rreferenced to child raising.

Today was a trying day.  One kid that was on the minds, one kid that was fighting a fever and my patience was really being tested.  I was struggling to be able to cook and do a little cleaning while the boys were fighting. But, as I thought about the verse, the word that hit me the hardest was love. Because without love, there is no patience. Without love, none of this happens.

So as we get one boy over a sickness and another through the sickness, love remains.

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Most Sunday’s I can be found in the kitchen and today was no different. On the menu for today’s sunday cooking is spaghetti sauce, marina sauce, pizza sauce, grilled chicken, grilled shrimp, grilled yellow fin tuna and grilled vegetables.

My wife and I have focused on trying to preparw as many meals as possible on Sunday as we can. It has even gotten to the point that we are cooking for weeks in advance. I am really focused on cooking as many different things as I can as I want to expose the boys to as many different foods as I can.

So as many enjoy their Sunday day, we have sunday cooking day. And i have started getting the boys involved and helping me cooking.

#foodporn

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Halloween has come and gone.  All the little trick or treaters are nestled in their beds, thinking about all the candy that they get to eat tomorrow.

This was really our first Halloween as last year the boys did not really have a concept.  But this year, it was on like donkey kong. Baby A was a T Rex and Baby B had two costumes to choose from, a chimp or another dinosaur. He was adorable as a chimp but there is no comparison between a chimp and a dinosaur.

Instead of going door to door in our neighborhood, we opted for the mall and I have say, the businesses did a great job.  All most every store had staff out front giving candy to the kids and coupons for adults. And the kids racked up on candy too. But even more import than the candy, they were in a very safe environment.

So as the kids sleep and parents sleep, I want to thank the local businesses for being so nice to my boys and providing a safe and fun environment for them to enjoy their first Halloween.

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I don’t do this very often, so I apologize but this morning, I just felt that I needed to blog about this. Facebook can be a wonderful tool. But it can also be a way to keep in touch with friends and old classmates that you haven’t seen or talked with in years.

Two nights ago I saw a lot of facebook statuses asking prayers for a girl named Melissa. Based on which friends were posting these updates, I wasn’t exactly sure who Melissa was? My high school was not that big, but we had a decent class size. Well, last night I found out which Melissa everyone was praying for and why.

She was a mother of 6. That is right, 6 kids ranging from 16 to 2. But two nights ago after a family dinner, she was in a car accident with her husband and children and she sustained injuries that left her dead. 6 kids. A husband. Parents and friends are all left asking why?

I am not going to lie, I don’t remember Melissa. She was a year behind me and if she did not play sports, I probably spoke in the hallways and that was it. But today, we have something in common. We have little kids. And the thought of her husband having to explain death to their children breaks my heart.

So today, if you believe or pray, could you say a little prayer for Melissa and her family? Her family has a long and hurtful road ahead of them and they need all the help that they can get.

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Boys will be boys and fights and rough housing will happen. It is just a part of nature. But one thing that I’ve started doing is that when the kids start getting a little to rough, I make them stop and Hug It Out.

I want them to get into the habit of realizing that they have to be nice to each other. They are brothers, best friends and sometimes in life, we aren’t going to agree on everything. But even though we might not agree, we have to be nice to each other, so just Hug It Out.

Last weekend, the boys were playing and one thing led to another and Baby B was getting ready to bite his brother and as soon as I saw him going in, I called his name and he froze. He knew that he was going to get in trouble. He knew that what he was doing was wrong. So, not only was he going straight to time out, but first he had to hug his brother and tell him he was sorry.

Life lessons are never to early to start. So many times we as adults I think lose focus of being nice to each other. I think that we are just in a rush for everything, not realizing how we are effecting others. I’ve realized that more and more as I look at my sons. Am I being in a rush and overlooking things with them? Am I being hard on them after a long day?

So when life gets to be a little hard, you get a little frustrated, you just need to say that you are sorry. Hug It Out!

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Changing leavesJust like the leaves are changing and the seasons are changing, I am finding the need to make some changes in my life too. And today seems like a greT day to start.

1) lose weight – I need to lose 30 pounds atleast, but probably more  I want to be around for my kids.  So today I walked about 10,000 steps, and continued to modify my diet by implementing a morning Beachbody Shakeology Shake.

2) find a church home – This has really bothered me, just as much as the being overweight.  I miss the church and fellowship that I had when I was in Texas and it is something that I want my kids to  have as they grow up.

3) better financial position – This is a constant struge for most Americans.  One minute I feel that we are moving in the right direction, the next I am up all night worrying.  My wife and I are really focused on getting out of debt and have been throwing all the extra cash that we can at paying down credit card debt.  But, if we can get all of our debt paid off in 2 years, we should be able to save enough to pay for all 4 years of college for both boys and increase our 401k contributions from 8 to 12%+!

4) technology- My job and life revolves around technology  so this is going to be hard.  But I really want to cut back on my usage and dependency on technology.  This is crucial because I constantly get emails, text messages, calls, etc and everytime one of those messages comes in at night, it takes away from my kids.

These are a lot of changes and I realize that.  But i have asked several friends and my wife to help keep me accountable and focused.  So as the seasons are changing and the leaves have started to slowly change colors, I too am changing and I hope that these changes are for the best and for my sons.

 

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The definition of the word Faith is:

1) strong belief or trust in someone or 2) something or  belief in the existence of God : strong religious feelings or beliefs – according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

Faith means so much to so many different people and I remember that growing up, this was a word that my father used a lot and in many different contexts.   But one of the primary ways that he would use, was when he would quote the movie Hogans Heroes and the quote went like this:

Oddball: [looking at aerial pics of the a remaining bridge] Beautiful.
Moriarty: suppose the bridge ain’t there?
Oddball: [groans] Don’t hit me with them negative waves so early in the morning. Think the bridge will be there and it will be there. It’s a mother, beautiful bridge, and it’s gonna be there. Ok?
Oddball: [Later: Oddball is looking through binoculars at the bridge] Still up!
Oddball: [planes fly and bomb the bridge] … No it ain’t. See what sending out them negative waves did, Moriarty?
Moriarty: That ain’t my fault, Oddball, I’ve done nothing but have good thoughts about that damn bridge ever since we left!

For my Dad, he related faith to the bridge, that the bridge would be there because he believed it. I remembered him saying this time and time again as I grew up. I remember talking with my Dad right before my parents separated and I asked how he was doing and he semi-smiled and said “I have faith, because I know that the bridge will be there tomorrow when I wake up.”

As I have grown up, I’ve viewed Faith in many different ways, but this morning, before I even left for work, I found myself telling my wife, “you gotta believe that the bridge is going to be there.” She was so confused, but it made total sense to me and I just had to smile. You see, in the last 24 hours the following has occurred:

  1. A job that I really wanted, fell through. We were too far apart in salary requirements. And it would have required us to relocate and to a place that I really wanted to move to.
  2. A good friend found out that she has Stage 4 Cancer and has 2 – 6 months left to live.
  3. As I walked to my Jeep this morning, a neighbor informed me that she side swiped me.

Most of yesterday and last night and even into this morning, I was really bummed out about the job. I had really hoped that it was going to work out, for a lot of reasons, but it didn’t. My friend, I am just at a loss for words for that and for her family. And by the time I got outside to talk with the neighbor, I just had to laugh. I had to laugh, because crying was not an option.

As I walked away from looking at the damage on my Jeep, I went and helped put the kids in the van and was talking to the boys. Baby A asked if I was mad because my Jeep had a boo boo?  I just smiled and said “no buddy, I’m not mad, because the bridge will be there tomorrow, because I have faith.” Did he understand what I was saying? Nope. But it helped me and I hope that it showed him that I didn’t get upset, lose my cool or get mad. And I hope that as the boys grow up, they see that I live a life of faith and that it helps guide my daily life and how I conduct myself and I hope that it serves as a model for them as they grow up.

 

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