Family

We have all had those moments in out lives, that we stand back and ask ourselves, “did that really happen?” Well, just happened to me and I am still caught off guard.

My my wife was putting the boys to bed while I was cooking spaghetti and to my surprise, my wife sends me a text that our neighbor was banging on the wall. Seriously? An adult was banging on the wall to our townhouse, because our 3 year old jumped a few times on his bed.

For most, it would end there, but not in this case. My wife was able to get our son to stop jumping and I guess for good measures, be neighbor decided to bang on the wall again? Well, my wife flew out of the room, walked next door and let’s just say that there was a discussion.  What happened next, was both painful and gut wrenching. My wife came back in tears. The neighbor was essentially attacking her baby and she was upset. But to see my wife shaking and in tears is hard.

My wife bought our townhouse before we started dating and at the height of the market. Needless to say, we got married, had twin boys, outgrew the two bedroom townhouse pretty quickly. The situation with the house, our condo association and our neighbor have made our home, feel more like a jail. Nothing has gone right, from day 1. But tonight, tonight was the final straw.

I love my sons. More than I can ever put into words I love them. Today more than ever. But I will not allow someone, anyone to bang on the wall at them. It is time to move.

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Father’s Day has an entirely new meaning and I hope that I can do this justice in what I’m trying to say.

Growing up as a kid, I always remember celebrating Father’s Day late, because my father was in the Army and wasn’t always home.  I understood as best as I could as a kid why he wasn’t there, but it always bothered me.

Last year, I had a work trip and had to be leave on Father’s Day before dinner. I got to spend the day with my boys and with my wife’s family, but most importantly, my boys.

This year, my wife had to work all weekend and I was with the boys all weekend. On Saturday, we went to the playground twice, ran errands, etc. But we were together.  I took them to lunch at the restaurant behind the house, we talked and laughed the entire time. We went to Target and they each got a toy for behaving so well for the week. I took them back to the playground for more running and they asked for Ice Cream and who doesn’t love Ice Cream? So we stopped at the grocery store and grabbed a pint of Ice Cream and cones, a steak for me and we were back home.

On Father’s Day, my wife was at home for maybe an hour after I got up and then she was off to work. The boys asked me to cook breakfast, especially bacon. So, I did just that. I do like I always do, I put on a movie and I started cooking sausage, bacon, eggs, and home fries. A little over the top with breakfast? Maybe, but it was good.  And then we went to my father in laws house for a cookout.

Was I disappointed that my Father’s Day was not one of grilling and/or smoking something outside? Missing out on watching the US Open? Sleeping in?

YES! Yes I was and honestly to a point, I still am. And maybe I have some unresolved issues with the importance of Father’s Day and always doing things for my Dad and he wasn’t there for Father’s Day?

But I have realized something, two days later. I got the best Father’s Day present while cooking. Baby A walked over to me, reached up and asked to hug me and as I bent down, he kissed me on the cheek and told me he loved me. A present that will last a lifetime and that will mean more than anything else. And after seeing what Baby A did, Baby B walked over and said “Kiss” and I leaned down and he gave me a kiss.

There is a part of me that feels cheated, but there is an even bigger part of me that is just so damn proud of those boys. I didn’t get any gifts. I didn’t get to sleep in. I didn’t get to watch golf. Instead, I got to be a Dad. I got to do something that my father rarely did, celebrate Father’s Day with my boys.

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I don’t even know where to begin with the post birthday wrap up?

We took the boys to the Aquarium on Friday with their grandparents. I wasn’t sure how that was going to go, but I have to admit, it kept the boys attention for every bit of 3 hours.  They loved walking around and watching the sharks and dolphins swim by and to see their facial expressions was just beyond words. They were truly loving every minute of the day.

Saturday we had a leisure morning and then had a cookout with family and close friends. The weather was perfect and the company was even better. It was great having so many people there to celebrate the boys birthday and more importantly, there was only 2 presents, everyone made donations to the charity that we had selected this year. I think that once again we are going to be able to really help a lot of sick kids, which is awesome.

And then on Sunday, it was Easter. The boys didn’t really grasp the concept, other than they wanted to eat M&Ms for breakfast.  And Baby A loved doing the Easter egg hunts, but Baby B, which isn’t a shock, only wanted to pickup a few eggs and then he wanted to just run.

All in all, it was a great weekend. A long weekend, but a great weekend.

 

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Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday that we were finding out that you were going to be born.

Today, we celebrate the both of you. We celebrate the joy that you have brought not only to your mother and myself, but to so many others.
It is so often forgotten or overlooked that you are not just twins, but that you are two separate individuals.  But the funny thing, is that you are both a lot of alike.
You have both been close since day 1. For 9 months you shared a really small place and ever since, you’ve been side by side for 3 years. And my guess, is that bond between the two of you will only grow stronger.

As I sit and think about the morning that you were both born, I smile, because never in my wildest dreams would the last 3 years be this much fun. I hope that I’ve been able to teach you both a few things and I know that you guys have taught me a lot the last 3 years.

So Happy Birthday to my two Happy Little Monkeys.

I love you more than you’ll ever know.

Dad

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I was on Facebook over the weekend and saw the headline pop up in my news feed: 20 Tips for Creating a Family-Centered Life and it immediately caught my attention.

I think that in this day and time, even with the best of intentions, it is often hard to have a family-centered life. But, and this is important, but with a little effort, a lot of the things that were listed are definitely attainable.  I think that this list of 20 is awesome and could have gone even higher, but I wanted to reflect on some of these items individually.

1.    Mom and Dad have a consistent date night alone together at least once a month.  – This is HUGE! Parents, before you were parents, you were a couple. You have to have adult time. You have to remember why you came together in the first place to create this family. Without each other and working together, you become seperate units that will wake up one day and question why you are even together.

3.    Entire family gathers for dinner at least 3 times a week. – I grew up in a home that when I was young, we ate every night at the table and as my family grew apart, so did dinner time. My wife and I have it a point, to sit down with the boys every night at the dinner table while they eat. We try to eat at that same time as well, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. But if nothing else, we are there together, asking the boys questions, engaging with them and hopefully setting examples for when they have children. We usually put on some music, something low key, often times Jim Brickman.

9.    Dad prays with each of his children before they go to bed each night. – I FAIL at this one, big time. This is something that I have really struggled with and have tried to do better about. But this is a big one and one that I really want to do better on.

10.  Weekly church attendance. – Again, as a family we have FAILED this one. We were really diligent about this for the first 2 years of the boys lives, but the last 8 months, we just have falling into a pattern of not going. And a bad pattern at that. We’ve made excuses, but really at the end of the day, this is on my wife and myself. We’ve talked about doing better, but we have to talk less and get back into the habit of going.

12.  Dad’s job does not keep him working a lot of late nights or weekends. – When I am home, I am home. No work on the weekend or night, unless it is an emergency and thus far, there have not been any emergencies that could not wait until the next day or at least until after the boys goto bed.

13.  Entire family has at least one week of vacation time together per year.  – This is really important. This years vacation might look different, but we are still planning on getting away for a few days. It is important to have family time and even more importantly than that, to have family down time away from home.

17.  Dad personally knows all of his children’s teachers and is involved in the PTA. – I’ll go a step further than just school. I think that it is crucial for Dad’s to also goto their children’s doctor appointments. I’ve been to every Dr. appointment, except for 2 and I’ve been to every Parent Teacher conference for the boys. It is important as Dad’s to be involved in our children’s lives, because how can we expect to raise them, if we are missing information and not informed.

A family-centered life is an important foundation in my children’s lives. I hope that they will one day recognize how involved I am and will do the same when they have children.

 

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Murphy’s Law, if it can happen or go wrong, it will.  And if it does go wrong, it usually goes wrong in a bad way.

Now, there are two ways to look at this, glass half empty or half full.

Last night I got an email from my CPA saying that we owed a considerable amount this year. Now, I write this and I’m waiting on confirmation back from him on a few things, so the number should go down some. BUT, my first thought was holy crap, how are we going to pull this off? Half empty. First thought was not that we were fortunate enough to get raises give more money last year, etc. It was how are we are going to pay this off? I went to bed worried. I went to bed thinking how we could shave off of our budget to cover this?

I woke up this morning, stressed out. I woke up concerned. But I woke up.

I woke up to hearing Baby A calling my name. Not screaming, but saying “It’s morning Daddy!”

We’ve been blessed beyond belief. We have been able to save, build a little of an emergency fund, which we will have to use some of it more than likely to pay off the tax bill. But we’ve been blessed. And as I was making coffee for me and a cup of Apple Juice for Baby A, as Baby B and my wife slept, I realized that sure, Murphy’s Law likes to hit at really bad times. Sure, I could use that extra money that I’ll be paying to the government each month to pay down credit cards. But maybe this is a chance for us to get creative? Maybe this is a time that I pickup a few extra websites and make a little side money? Maybe now, we are in a better place financially and can look at Murphy’s Law as a slight speed bump in the road of life, as opposed to the doom and gloom that we once did.

I’m choosing to look today at Murphy’s Law as a glass full of stuff, that from time to time, we just have to deal with.

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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (1 Corinthians 13:4) How many times have you heard that bible verse, especially at weddings?

Well, it is something that my wife and I talked a lot about this weekend on our quick mountain getaway. We talked about how it isn’t easy being parents and working full time. We talked about how tired we are. We talked about how we need to do more for each other and put the others needs as a higher priority. But, one really important thing, was about being patient. It is so easy to be short with the ones you love the most, because they will always love you. But being patient and being kind to them, even when you don’t want to be, is really hard.

This morning, around 3:00 am the boys woke up and were ready to play. I was cranky, I was tired and I just wanted to sleep. I was not as patient as I needed to be, but in the middle of trying to get the boys calmed down and downstairs, I reminded my wife, that love is patient, even in times like these.

Read the full verse 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Bible Gateway

My wife sent me a text earlier to thank me and to tell me how much she appreciated getting up with the boys this morning, and send ended the text very appropriated that Love is patient, Love is kind. I can’t wait to get home today and play with the boys and spend time with my wife.

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Every year, my wife and I take a day and spend it doing our tax prep for our CPA. This year, no different, except 1 big thing, our household income went up by $1,000.00, we paid off 2 credit cards off and WE GAVE MORE TO CHARITY by $1,000.00. Why is that huge? Because my wife and I share 1 huge belief, that is that we are blessed beyond belief.

Not only that, we double our donations to Goodwill. Again, helping others. We are on the road to living like no one else, so that we can give like no one else. We have really been focused this year with paying down debt and in looking at what we gave, adding the small amount of extra income, paying off debt, etc. it was a good year. Even if we have to pay a little this year, it looks like we are on the right track.

In looking at all the tax prep that we’ve done, I think that the conversation with the CPA this year will be more of what we can change for next year to even get us to our end goal faster.

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It is that time again, the dreaded Tax Season. I really don’t know, other than some CPAs that enjoy tax season. For most, they just try to do what is right and pay what they owe. Some like to try to get as big of a return back as possible, but for me I like to break even.

So with that, you have less than 1 month before taxes are due. Plan ahead, if you are doing your taxes yourself, see what changes have been made to the tax codes. If you are like me and can’t be bothered or even comprehend the tax codes, pay a good CPA, in the end it is worth the money.

I’ve been in constant contact with my CPA for the past several months, ensuring that we had everything together, but more importantly, I’ve really focused for the last year on giving more. I really want to plan on giving more and more each year. My family has been incredibly blessed and there are a lot of suffering families out there, so if we can give to the Food Bank, to a local charity that the money will be given to help others, then that is what I want to do. So for 2014, I’ve increased our giving by $100 in our monthly budget, this does not include the $40 a month that I give through automatic withdraw in my paycheck bi-weekly.

As we pay down debt and move closer to those magic words of being DEBT FREE, we will increase our giving. Because there is no greater feeling, than helping someone else.

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Dinner time for many is a quick bite, where you can get it in. For us, my wife and I would often feed the boys in their high chairs and then we would eat later. But now, we are all eating at the table for dinner time. I have to say, I love it. I love being able to sit and just talk with the boys while they eat.

Growing up, the dinner table was really important for me. It was a symbol of family time. As I grew older, I often had baseball or basketball practice, which took me away from sitting at the dinner table with the rest of my family, but now, as a parent, I see what I missed out on. I missed out on conversation. Family discussions and planning. Family bonding. Things that now, I wish that I had been a part of.

And years later, as a parent, I see the importance. I see that I need to set the example for my boys of the importance of the dinner table. So my wife and I have vowed, going forward, no more things on the dinner table, unless it is plates and silverware, because we need to start making memories for our boys, while we eat together as a family.

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