Family

I believe that you learn something new everyday, whether you choose to or even admit it. And sometimes I think that it takes a few days or even longer to realize that you’re learning something new.

I’ve had a rough week. Some would consider it to be a helluva week, compared to what some go through with cancer or the lost of a loved one, I would consider it to be a light week. But I got home, I was tired, physically, mentally and emotionally, emotionally. I didn’t really want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to see the boys.

I got home, took a deep breath and just smiled at the boys. They each got down off the sofa and ran over to me and hugged me. The day started getting better right there. The day, which was close to 7pm, changed.

And as we are walking upstairs to put the boys down, they both looked at me and said Thank You for carrying up their trains to bed for them. And I just smiled, because really, I should be the one saying thank you to them.

You see, my life is better today because of those two little boys. My life has more purpose and focus than every before. My life today, is centered around raising those little boys to be good young men. My life is complete, because I have them.

So kids, thank you for being you.

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There are things that happen in our lives that we can not explain. There are things that happen in our lives that will stay with us forever and today is that day for me. 5 years ago today, my mother in law was killed in a tragic car accident. There are things about that day that I can tell you about, but a lot of it is a blur, but here are some of the things that I do remember:

  • I remember that it was snowing and had started snowing earlier that morning.
  • I remember getting the phone call from my father in law while I was sitting at work after lunch..
  • I remember listening to Mark Schultz’s Remember Me when the phone rang.
  • I remember sitting back down, putting my head down and crying. Crying for the loss of an amazing person, but crying because I was going to have to go and tell my wife of 3 months that her mother and best friend had just died and it was going to break my wife’s heart. It was going to change her forever.It was going to change us.
  • I remember the 8 miles from my office to my wife’s seemed like 180 miles.
  • I remember calling my wife’s best friend and telling him, as he was a 2nd child to my wife’s parents.
  • I remember not being able to talk for 10 minutes and only being able to cry in front of my wife.
  • I remember my wife asking if we were getting a divorce, because I could not stop crying. That would have been easier I think.
  • I remember the drive from my wife’s office to her Dad’s house seemed like forever.
  • I remember her father coming outside when we got there to hug my wife and myself.
  • I remember a family friend that grabbed me and held me as tight as he could, and I finally got to grieve for a few minutes.
  • I remember the outpouring of people that came to the house that night.
  • I remember waking up after 15 minutes of sleep and having a feeling of calmness come over me.
  • I remember the silence in the house.

Here is the song by Mark Schultz, Remember Me, that I was listening to when I got the call, that Monday afternoon.

Sometimes things do not make sense, especially when death is involved. I can say that after a lot of struggles, my wife and I learned a lot of amazing lessons from this. My wife and I are closer. My wife and I have two amazing little boys. My wife my and I often talk about that day. We talk about what we were doing, we often cry and then  we talk about how much we miss her mom. We talk about how she would be with the boys and how much she would have loved them.

But tonight, I just think that we have to look for the Remembrance of God in the form of sunsets and people. We have to take each moment as it is our last. We have to over use the words “I Love You”, because you never know when it will be the last time that you will use them.

Remember me
When the color of the sunset fills the sky
Remember me
When you pray and the tears of joy
fall from your eyes

I remember and can not, nor will I ever forget. I just hope that when it is my time, that Jesus will Remember Me.  And I hope that one of the first people that I get to see when getting to Heaven, is my mother in law, so I can tell her all about her grandsons.

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There are lessons in life that we all must learn, but some are harder than others. Growing up, one of the things that I always remember my grandfather telling me was that when you go to bed, you drop all of your worries. That you do not worry about what happened today or yesterday and that tomorrow is a new day. But with that, he went a step further to say that forgiving, that that is one of the greatest gifts that we can give and that we should not hold onto anger, especially towards others.

I came across this Bible verse today: Luke 6 : 37-38 and it reads:

37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

One of the things that we are trying to teach the boys is that if they do something to the other or if they do something to someone else, that they have to say they are sorry. We want the boys to apologize and know that when they do something wrong. But, more importantly, we want the other to see and show forgiveness.

Saying you are sorry is easy, but forgiving, that is the hard part.

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I have started a new month long devotional reading the book of Proverbs, but strangely enough, another devotional that I stumbled upon was Proverbs 22:6 and it I couldn’t stop reading:

Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6

Isn’t that our job as parents? To start teaching our children off in the way that they should go forward throughout their lives? Isn’t it our job to prepare them for life? isn’t it our job to give them the tools and foundation to make good and responsible decisions, so that they can be good contributing members of our society?

I think about how I talk to my children when they do something that is not correct. I try to be patient and I hope that as they grow older, they will be patient with others and especially with each other. I think about the example that I set with my life and how they look up to me, am I doing everything that I can to be a good father, so that one day, they will be good fathers?

All of these things filled my mind after reading this verse, I just prayed that I could be a good father and a good example to my children, as I hope that they learn the good things that I try to do, and see through my faults.

I would encourage each of you to take a moment, read the verse here and just reflect on it.

 

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A new year , a new tactic in helping get our finances under control.  I’ve listened to Dave Ramsey for years and figured that even though I was able to knock out 2 credit cards last year, maybe I need help getting to the finish line?

So today, I signed up for the Dave Ramsey My Total Money Makeover.  I have taken the time to get our remaining credit cards listed with the software and it was not as bleak as I thought. And more importantly, I think that even though it is going to be a hard journey to push through the remainder of debt, we didn’t get there over night and we certainly aren’t getting out of debt tomorrow, unless we win the lottery. So, for $90 a year, it was worth to be able to really be able to see and track where our money is going and visually see when our debts will be paid for.  I really think that this is going to be a great tool for my family to get ahead.

So My Total Money Makeover, here we come. I am ready to stand in the lobby of Dave Ramsey and scream that we are debt free.  Is now the time for you and your family to get some extra step, to help you over the hump?

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Today/Tonight is Christmas Eve. A night that is holy for those that are believers that Jesus was born on Christmas day. But, it is also something more than that. It is the day that kids look forward to all year, in hopes that they have been good enough for Santa to come for a visit.

This year for Christmas Eve, we are doing something a little different. We will be staying at home and starting our own family traditions. In the past, we’ve stayed at my Father in law’s house, but this year, we wanted the boys to wake up in their own bed. My wife and I have spent a lot of time talking about traditions that we each had growing up as children and things that we wanted to start doing with the boys and I think. After church, we’ll head back to the house and have dinner, put on new Christmas PJs and watch a few Christmas movies.

For my wife and I, we are getting to witness for the first time that joy and excitement in our boys faces when they see Santa on TV.  I don’t know that I can even put into words how excited I are to see what Santa is bringing the boys, but if I had to guess, there will be a lot of trains appearing Christmas morning.  But just seeing the boys faces light up for the first time after Santa comes, I don’t know that I will be able to put into words how excited I am going to be.

 

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Growing up, the Friday after Thanksgiving, my family would venture out to a Christmas Tree farm and cut down our Christmas Tree. It is just something that we did, don’t know why? But it was our tradition.

You see, I don’t have a lot of great memories from growing up because of issues between my parents, but the memories that I do have pertaining to going to cut down a Christmas Tree are some of my favorites.  I remember that my sister and I would pill into the back of our station wagon, yes, I just outdated myself, and we would go and cut down a Virginia Pine.  My sister and I would each pick out a tree and then our parents would decide which tree we cut down and took home. I sometimes don’t remember what I ate for lunch today, but I can remember running around the farm finding a tree just like it was yesterday.

As I have gotten older and even when I moved to Texas, I continued that tradition of going to cut down my tree after Thanksgiving. But, when I got married, I got married to someone that grew up having an artificial tree. I don’t ask for  a lot and I’m pretty accommodating, but I draw the line at artificial trees for Christmas and out of the 8 years that we’ve been together, we have a form of a live tree 7 of the 8 years.  And I say somewhat of a live tree because, for 5 years, we’ve purchased table top live Fraizer Fur trees.

But this year, this year was different and it was my wife’s idea. One day before Thanksgiving, she mentioned about us going to a Christmas Tree farm to cut down a tree for the boys. She thought that they were old enough and big enough, to not take down the tree. So, that is what we did, except for going and cutting down the tree, as we found a local farm that had some pre-cut trees. And thus far, the boys have loved the tree.

Every morning, as we bring the boys down to the living room, the first thing that they say, most time even before we get to the living room, can we turn on the lights? The boys have really seemed to enjoy the tree and lights and we even let the decorate the tree.

So to the start of new traditions and a future of getting a Christmas Tree together as a family and starting the Christmas season. And more importantly, I hope that this starts a family tradition for the boys, that will carry over to when they grow older and have families and children and can pass down this tradition as well.

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Growing up, I looked forward to a snow day, now, not so much. Now, instead of going out and playing, I have to shovel the side walk, clear cars, help others, etc. As a kid, a snow day meant going outside and playing in the snow.

But, even though a snow day has changed for me, it isn’t that bad. I love watching it snow. I love watching the boys walk up to the window and talk about it snowing and wanting to go outside. I love that. I just don’t love the other parts that come with a snow day.

Today, we got another 5 – 6 inches of snow, on top of what we got this weekend and my wife was called out for work and the nanny couldn’t make it in. So, I have a snow day with the boys and I have loved watching their reactions to the snow, but I wonder if they will continue to love it as the winter goes on?

Hopefully after nap time today, we are going to go out and enjoy the snow day.

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Today we celebrate Thanksgiving. We will over eat. Watch football. Spend time with family. Eat. And reflect on all of the things that we have an abundance of.

So today I give thanks for my family, especially my wife and sons. Without them, I don’t know where I would be? My friends, they mean more to me than words can be written. Family, though I am not close to a lot of my family, by choice, I am thankful for those that I am close to, both here and across the country.

Please enjoy this day of Thanksgiving and enjoy those closest to you

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

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Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
Matthew 19:21

I was reminded this week of this Bible verse and it really hit me out of the blue.  This past Wednesday morning in our weekly office meeting it was discussed our normal holiday tradition of adopting a community family. As the specifics of the family were read aloud, i.e. ages and what they wanted, I kept thinking about all the things that I have and how much I take for granted, especially when the father of the family was asking for a used coat, because it was getting ready to turn colder. And as the office quietly discussed what everyone wanted to do, this verse popped into my head and said that I would go this weekend and purchase enough canned goods, pasta, etc to last them several weeks. Sure, there are others that could have done it, there are others that do not have children that have more expendable income than we do, but I can’t take these things with me when I die.  And there is just something magical about giving to others.

“Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ”
Acts 3:6

My job as a father is to set an example for my boys and if I can do that, then that is worth more than anything in this world.  So I recounted this story to my mother yesterday on the phone on my commute home and the other end of the phone was really quiet and I heard my mother sniffle and she just said that she was proud of me. My mother has taught school for 45 years and she told me how she had often purchased coats for some of her students or shoes for students and that they would just happen to end up on their desk and would ever know where they came from.

My mother showed me that giving to others, was the greatest gift that you could give and it meant even more, if it was done without recognition.  So today, I ask, what are you doing to help others in need? I can skip Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts this week and pay for a lot of canned good items for a family in need and what is really more important, another cup of coffee or providing a meal for a hungry family?  What is holding you back from giving to others? And it doesn’t have to be a lot, $1.00 can buy 2 canned goods, but it is something that I encourage everyone to start doing more spontaneous giving.

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