Life

I am finding that everyday, I’m learning something new from my sons. While driving to work this morning, I started thinking about the boys and that we had a rough night with Baby A. And when I say that it was rough, basically he was acting like a 2 year old. He fussed. He said No a lot. He laid in the floor and pitched a fit and did not want to goto bed.

And this morning, I go and get him out of his room when he woke up and he smiled and said “Hi Daddy”. For him, today is a new day. He didn’t remember how he acted the night before. The only thing that he knew was that he was going to get some milk and that he and his brother were going to chase each other around the living room.

But as I drove to work, I thought about how as adults, we remember. We remember too much sometimes. We remember parts to conversations and hold onto comments and actions. And I wish that we could wake up each morning and simply say that today is a new day and that yesterday is in the past.

 

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Perspective can be a noun, verb or adjective. And in my humble opinion can be best summarized as how we view things, situations, the world, etc.

There has been a lot going on lately, work, kids, Baby B and speech therapy, finances, life, family, etc. But today, I took a different look and changed my perspective on how I am viewing things. A close friend had a stroke today. There will be a long road ahead, but they are alive. Baby B has a session with the speech pathologist this week, but he is making sounds and trying to speak. Money is tight due to some unforeseen things that popped up, but we can eat and have food on the table tonight.

Perspective can make or break you, because depending on how you look at and view a situation, can determine how you react/handle a situation. So tonight, I will go home and hug my boys. I’ll play with them a little longer tonight. And before I goto bed, I’ll say another prayer for my friend, that even though she has a long road ahead, she is alive. She will be here to give me a hard time.

So how will you look at life?

What will your perspective be?

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I shared a story this morning with a close family friend that he encouraged me to blog about. And it is about how sometimes, you have to listen to the voice in your head.

This past Saturday night, my wife, the boys and I walked into Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. And as we did, we passed a table with a couple that was having dinner before their prom. They were happy and smiling and laughing. And it was just contagious the way that they were enjoying their dinner and life in general. And as I walked by, this little voice in my head said, “buy their dinner”. No, I’m not crazy and I’m not trying to start a religious conversation, but I do think that God can give us nudges sometimes.

Our waiter leads us to the back of the restaurant, but I can still clearly see the kids laughing and smiling. And the entire time, I keep hearing in my head, “buy their dinner” and I tried to shake it but the more I dismissed the idea, the more I had this tugging that I needed to do this. So, I get up, grab my waiter and tell him that I want to buy the kids dinner and asked if he could get their waiter over so I could get their bill. The waiter just looked at me and smiled and said that it was really cool of me to want do that and to let him see what he could do. It was at this point, that my wife smiled and looked at me and then realized that I had done. A few minutes, their waiter goes to their table and tells them that someone wanted to buy their dinner, but wouldn’t tell them who, as I asked that we remain anonymous.

After our food was brought to our table, I looked up and saw the cute couple walking to another table to visit some of their friends and what I later found out was also family.  The high school boy kept adjusting his tie and his tux, making sure that it was perfect. But the smile that he had on his face was just awesome and one that I’ll never forget.  You see, the young couple both had Down’s Syndrome. And the waiter that was taking care of the couple, told me that this was their first prom and in fact, it was their first date ever.

I did not buy their dinner because they had Down’s Syndrome. I bought their dinner, because sometimes in life, we get these little nudges through the voice in our heads and I think that if we act on that voice, that something big could happen. And it did. I saw how happy they were. I saw how much they were enjoying the moment of life. And as we left the restaurant, we walked past the couple and their families and one of the mom’s told a friend that someone in the restaurant paid for the kids to have dinner and how neat that it was.  And my wife and I just smiled as we got in and watched them getting ready to head to their prom, because for a few moments in life, a small gesture on our part, gave us a lifetime of memories.

It is the small things in life that matter the most.  And if you get the chance, do something nice and out of the ordinary for someone else, but do it in a way that no one else knows that you did it.

Listen to that little voice in your head, that nudge that tells you to do something, because I would hate for you to miss out on a life changing moment.

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Some where along the way in the last 2 years, I have changed and changed in a good way. Things that I could once watch and listen to on the radio can spark an emotion in me that I have never experienced.

For years I have listened to the music of Christian artist Mark Schultz and he has three songs that just get me every time that I hear them.  Tonight though, I want to focus on He’s My Son. Here is the story behind the song and I think that you’ll understand why it gets me:

Mark Schultz wrote this song about a family dealing with their son’s cancer when he was a youth minister at a church in Nashville, Tennessee. It was inspired by the grieving of a couple in his church, whose son had been diagnosed with leukemia. Shultz observed the struggles of the mother and father. He explained in CCM Top 100 Greatest Songs In Christian Music: “Louise often stayed up with (Martin) until he fell asleep. She would rub his back and try to comfort him, but she felt helpless. Some nights, John would wake up and walk down the hall to Martin’s room and watch him sleep. As he stood there, he would try to imagine what life would be like without his son.”
Schultz added that he “tried for several months to write a song for John and Louise, but nothing seemed to capture what they were going through. I couldn’t begin to understand the depth of pain John and Louise faced every day – but God did.” He then went on to explain that eventually “the only thing I had to do with this song is that I just happened to be there when God sat it in my lap.” – Source: Song Facts

You see, my wife and I have been blessed beyond belief.  We have two very healthy and active boys. No matter how my day goes, I can walk into the room and they can change the course of my day.  I can do something that not all parents can do, I can hug my sons and kiss them goodnight.  I can lay in the floor and let them crawl all on me. I can chase them around the room or let them chase me. And I can do all of these things, every single day. And there are father’s that are out there that would give anything to do those things.

And as I watch Mark’s song, He’s My Son, it just hits me even harder how lucky we are, because I don’t know what I would do if I got the news that my son had Leukemia or some other disease?  I cringe at the thought. I cry for those that do have to deal with this realness every day.  And I hope that if I am every faced with something like this, that I can remember this song, because at the end of the day, He’s My Son and I would love my child and pray every day for them to be healed. I would pray that I could take their illness on instead of them. And I would remind myself, that as a Christian, I’m Still HIS Son and that

Please take a moment to watch He’s My Son by Mark Schultz, it is life changing for parents.

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Do you ever stop and wonder how your life could have turned out differently if things would have happened another way?

Do you ever wonder what life would have been like, if the girl in 6th grade had not broken your heart?

Do you ever wonder what life would have been like if you had gone to a different college or gone to a different bar on New Years?

Do you ever wonder what life would have been like if your parents had not gotten divorced?

Do you ever wonder what life would have been like if your loved one had not died?

You can what if your life away and you can wonder how things would have been different. But would you really want them to be different?

I can not imagine my life any other way, ok, if I won the lottery, then that would be cool, but I would still have my wife and boys.

Do you ever wonder?

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Every now and then, you just need a day off. A day off from life. A day off from work. A day off to recharge. Or for me, a day off to play with the boys.

As we get closer to Christmas, and still thinking back to last weeks events in Connecticut, I just needed a day off. Yes, I had a few errands to run, a few Christmas presents left to buy. But, I really just wanted to stay at home for the day and hang out with the boys. Because the thing that I am realizing, is that even though I get to teach and show them new things everyday, they are doing the same to for me too.

They are showing me what unconditional love really is all about. They are showing me that, yes, they are depending on me to feed them and change them, but that I am depending on them too. I love spending time with those two little guys. Playing with their toys, throwing them up in the air, wrestling on the floor. I love watching their expressions when they figure something out for the first time.

Some times in life, we just need a day off. A day off to play with the kids. Show them that they are important. Take them to a game. Watch a movie. Play. I think that yesterday taught me a lot. I think that it showed me that in this crazy thing we call life, we have to slow down and enjoy our time together.

And sometimes, that means, taking a day off.

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Part of growing up and learning about life, is that sometimes you lose. Whether it is an argument, sports, etc.

Some days, life really stinks. I know that as a baseball fan, the way that the Yankees played really made me scratch my head. I’ve never seen a more overrated and under achieving team before in my entire life. And at the end of a 4 game sweep, I just tell my kids that sometimes you lose, just like the Yankees did.

Life isn’t going to always be fair. But if you work hard, do what is right and always be true to both yourself and your family and friends, I believe that you don’t quite lose as much.

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Stop. Take a moment to think about all of the interruptions that you experience in a day. Phone calls. Text Messages. Emails. And the list goes on.

But what do you do about those interruptions as it pertains to your children? Do you let those interruptions come between you and the time that you have with your kids? I am guilty of it.  As are probably most. Our society has become so dependent on technology, that it is hard to break away from it. We are trained to check our email every 5 minutes. We know that by certain sounds, a new text message has come through or email.

But what is more important, checking your phone or playing with your kids? And it should be an easy answer, right? But is it?

I am challenging both myself and my wife, to put down the phones when we come home and just be with the boys. I am challenging myself, to stop checking email every 5 minutes or responding to text messages, work and friends can wait. Nothing is that life pressing and if it is, they will call back.  I realized last night that I am too connected and yes, I am a Web Developer and I am saying that I am too connected to technology. Funny right? Well, it isn’t and here is why. When I am focused on responding to emails or text messages, those are minutes that I am not playing with my kids, showing them how to throw a ball or play with blocks.  I don’t want to miss a single moment and I feel that I am allowing too many interruptions to do just that.

So starting today. When I get home, my phone goes on the night stand until the boys go to bed.  And the boys get my undivided attention and no more interruptions.

Check out this website – The Quiet Place and just relax for a minute.

Are you allowing interruptions in your life to stand in the way of your kids?

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Tonight, as you play with your children, put them to bed for the night, hold them a little closer. I found out tonight that a friend from high school’s 13 year old son was tragically killed in an accident yesterday. There are no words that can be said to make up for their loss. There are no words or actions that will bring their son back. And there is no explanation.

We are not promised tomorrow or even the next 10 minutes here on Earth, so treasure each and every minute. As I am sure that my friend would give anything for 5 more minutes with his son. So tonight, as I watched my sons climb up the stairs for bed, I held them a little closer tonight and kissed them a few more times before turning out the lights and saying goodnight.

What would you do differently tonight, if tonight was your last night on Earth or your children’s last night? Would you play longer with them? Would you hold them closer and tell them how much you love them a few more times?

Tonight, my heart breaks for a family, that would give anything for one more night with their son.

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Each day, we learn something new. A new route to take to work. A computer shortcut that makes our job more productive. A new parenting technique, that will probably not work tomorrow.

But, here are some of the things that I’ve learned thus far of being a dad.
1) I am not my father.
2) I am not perfect, but my boys still love me just the same.
3) That during the day, I often wonder what they are doing when I am at work.
4) That they have really learned a lot thus far, walking, talking, eating, wanting to be more independent, etc.
5) That I do not know if I will ever be satisfied in what I am able to provide financially for the boys and my family in general?
6) And probably the most important thing that I can do, is love my boys unconditionally.

I realize that this is only a small list of things that I’ve learned over the last year, but I have a lifetime to learn and more importantly, learn from my mistakes.

 

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