Life

Apparently it is wrong to laugh at your kids when they are burping. Rules, they sometimes aren’t fun but sometimes it is ok to let boys be just little boys. My wife doesn’t get it. She is an only child and when she isn’t able to identify that boys, well sometimes burping really loud is just funny.

This morning as I was trying to get the boys out the door and off to school, the boys and I were having a burping contest, needless to say, my wife was not happy.  Boys are boys. We are crude sometimes and the reality is that it isn’t going to change, only get worse.

Burping can be very funny, it is just a fact. I still remember being taught how to burp the alphabet and was able to get through it a few times.

Parenting is not always being strict with your kids, more times than not it is setting the example, but also showing them that they can have fun and more importantly, laugh.

So tonight, when the boys start burping, I might have to jump in and teach them a thing or two.

Read more

Memories come and go, it is just a part of life. We forget things today and yet we might remember things that we did years ago. It is funny how the human mind works.

Last night while rocking the boys, they asked if I liked ice cream and I laughed, because who doesn’t like ice cream? But I remembered something, a memory that I had from a long time ago, when I was their age. Every Thursday night for several years, my grandfather drove 45 minutes to take me get ice cream. This was a time before cell phones, but I would stand at the window waiting and when I would see him pull up in the white VW Bug, I would run outside and off we would go.

The funny thing is that I have not thought about this grandfather taking me for ice cream for years. I remember the ice cream shop, the checkered floor, the way that they had all the ice cream in a paper container inside of a glass case. I remember the way that my grandfather would lift me on his shoulder so that I could not only make my selection, but also so that I could tell the person waiting on us my order. And every time, every time, I would get Strawberry ice cream.  I don’t know why these memories came into my head at that very moment, but I’m glad that they did.

This particular grandfather, my mom’s mom, died when I was in 1st grade and I don’t have a lot of memories of him. I remember the ice cream, I remember his barbershop and I remember the train set that he bought for  me and that we played with when I was my son’s age. I was and would still be, my grandfather’s only grandson. There are multiple great grandsons, but I would have been the only grandson among 3 granddaughters.  I could do no wrong in my grandfather’s eyes, I just wish that he would have lived longer, long enough to see my sons.

I’ll never forget where I was when I was told about my grandfather’s death, standing in the hallway outside of my class, talking with the principal of the school. But years later, while I was at work, I was talking to a gentleman by the name of Dave and while talking I said something and he froze. He literally stopped in his tracks, turned around and sat down in a chair.  Dave asked if Clifton was my grandfather and if Chris was my mom. And when I said yes, he broken into tears. He started sharing memories of them both and stories that I had never heard before. I felt better about my grandfather that day and felt a peace with his death, since he never told me goodbye, before he took his own life.

I am fortunate though, I do have one grandfather left, my dad’s father and he and I are really close. We usually talk once or twice every other week. We talk about any and everything under the sun. Work, his dad, my dad as a kid, my sons, politics, and the list goes on. My grandfather grew up during the great depression and served in WWII, though it has take years of my asking some basic questions about those two events for him to open up. My grandfather is a very proud man and will never talk bad about anyone, even those that do him wrong. I have learned so much about him and from him in the last several years, that these are things that I’ll treasure.

But this past week on our weekly call, I realized that the memories are starting to fade for him.  He was getting dates confused, people confused and was getting really tired, but at 90 years old, what do you expect.  But it is also sad too, because there is more that I want to know about him, his past, his life as a farmer, his 60 year marriage to my grandmother, but all of the memories are starting to fade. But I love when my grandfather shares stories with me, that my dad has never heard, like when he and my grandmother were married by the Justice of the Peace for $3.00, because that was all that he had ,but in hindsight, he should have given him $2.00 because he needed gas money later week.As I get older and I talk with my parents and more importantly my grandparents, I am reminded about memories, because memories can be both good and bad. They can provide both a sense of comfort and security as well as hopelessness. My hope is that as my boys grow up and if they too should be become fathers, that they share their memories of my time with them. The sacrifices that my wife and I made, so that they could have a better life. But I hope that they share the good memories, the trips together, the playing, the laughing and more importantly, how much we love them.

 

 

Read more

We normally think about New Beginnings with the ringing in of New Years Eve, but yesterday seemed to have that same feeling for my wife and I. A few weeks ago, I mentioned a post about titled “I Promise“. That day lead to conversations about church, life and everything that we needed for a new life, conversations that my wife and I had been having for a year, but they were just that, conversations.

Yesterday, March 8th, at 11:30 a.m. we as a family, started on our journey of new beginnings. Together, we put one font in front of another and within a few minutes, the weight of the world seemed to slowly life. Pain was being replaced by joy. Tears were happy tears and not filled with pain and sorrow. In a few minutes, our family had a different outlook, a different perspective, a new beginning.  After a lot of discussion, we decided to attend a church that was close to the house. Neither my wife nor myself had any idea what was going to happen when we walked through the doors, but what happened was nothing short of a miracle. Heck, the entire day was nothing short of a miracle.

As we walked through the doors of the church, we were immediately greeted and shown where to go to drop the boys off for children’s church. As we walked up, Baby A wanted nothing to do with going in, but Baby B was ready to go. He immediately introduced himself, his brother, my wife and myself and off he went to play. Within just a few minutes, they were both playing and having fun. As my wife and I made our way into the sanctuary, there was a feeling of calm and peace that I think that both my wife and I have been searching for, but had not found.  As we got situated in our seats, I looked over during the first song and my wife had tears in her eyes and for the first time in a long time, she had tears of joy and not sorrow. This was our first step on our journey of our families new beginnings.

After we picked up the boys from children’s church, they were so excited to have met new friends and played, that we took the boys for donuts, but who doesn’t love donuts?  We talked and we laughed over sprinkle donuts, as my wife and I held hands and laughed and enjoyed our coffee. Healing was beginning to take place over donuts. We were out and having fun together and we had just had a great experience at church and those new beginnings, started their at church.

We ran a few quick errands and then went home and opened the doors and started clearing out the kitchen and before we new it, we had completely thrown out all of the old stuff that we weren’t using. De-cluttering of the kitchen felt amazing!  My wife and I both felt that this was the start to our downsize and preparation for a future move. (It is easier to downsize when you don’t’ have to get out of a house quickly, than it is to be stressed and only have a few weeks.)  But we even got the boys to help get some of their toys in order too. As we worked through the kitchen, we planned our next weekend project and we are going to go room by room or section by section to really get things paired down in the house. We have a lot of stuff, things that we rarely even use.

As the day went on and we worked and we played, Baby A asked if we could go out and grill something, he is definitely my kid. So, off we went, just the two of us as his brother played inside with my wife. My son and I talked about life, listened to bluegrass and Texas Red Dirt music and we laughed. We really laughed a lot. I think that we laughed to the point that I cried, cried tears of joy though. And after we were finished and it was time for bed, it was just my wife and I. We sat on the sofa and talked about the new beginnings that we had experienced and how it was almost a perfect day. I asked what effected her the most about church and she did not want to talk about it, other than she was so happy that I had suggested that we go.

I don’t know what today will bring, let alone tomorrow, but today, right now, we celebrated the new beginnings and are looking forward to the future.

Read more

In the last 24 hours, the following events have occurred:

1) my wife fell down the last two steps in our house and sprain her ankle.
2) my oldest got sick at 3 a.m.
3) my youngest got diarrhea
4) my youngest on one of his bathroom trips decided to take an entire roll of toilet paper in the toilet and mind you, we only have one toilet in our house.
5) it took over 2 1/2 hours to unstop the toilet.
6) it is snowing and that is on top of ice that is already on the ground.
7) now the oldest has diarrhea.
8) and I really need a nap.

The last 24 hours have been beyond stressful. My wife getting hurt, of course happened when I was an hour out of town and on my way to a out of state meeting. So we had to get help from wife’s father’s girlfriend who just so happened to be in town. But I learned a few things about life and about myself over the course of the last 24 hours.

1) A dishwasher tablet can dissolve the toilet paper enough to flush it, but it took me over 2 hours to get this dissolve.  This article was a life saver at 4 a.m.

2) I got really frustrated about the toilet and I remembered the time when I wrecked my jeep and had to call my dad. I was scared to death at how angry he was going to be. And when my father got to me, he put his arm around me and very quietly said, “This too can be fixed.”

3) Life is hard, but there are always people that have it just a little bit harder and this was a reminder of that.

So in summary, the last 24 hours have not been fun, but in comparison to many, the last 24 hours have not been that bad.

Read more

Today was a day that I would like to forget.  Nothing was going right. Work. Personal life. Nothing. But, 2 words made the difference in my day, “I Promise”.

Yes, there is more to this story and it is a personal story that I have and will only share with a small group of friends and that is it. So this post may not make a lot of sense to a lot of people, but to me, it made my night.

My day started off with a longer commute than usual and really, for no reason because there was no traffic on the roads that should have slowed traffic down by 45 minutes. Then, I walk into a day full of meetings, mixed with working on my budget for team and then getting a last minute project that I need 5 days and only have 3 to complete. So stress was definitely high from work.

Then my wife call and I knew immediately something was not right. She said 1 thing and my heart sank and took me back 6 years. I could not breathe, my heart was racing a second, I felt scared and uncertain about life. I just knew that in that moment, I needed to see my kids. No one was hurt. No was in danger. But in a split second, I was transported back to a Saturday morning a little over 6 years ago.

After working late, I got home and was able to play with the kids for a little bit and when it was time for bed, Baby A and I went up first. We were talking, he was playing, I was trying to find some music on my phone for bedtime, when he quietly came up, hugged me and looked me dead in the face and said “I PROMISE that I’m not going to leave you.”

It was in that moment, that I broke down. I sighed and felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.  Again, no one is sick, hurt, etc. So for those reading this that do not know the full story, this might not make sense, but for me, the words I PROMISE were life changing.  In 2 words, a sense of faith was restored. In 2 words my wife and I made decisions for our future and our children’s future. In 2 words, I got an inner peace that I haven’t felt in a while and I felt like everything was ok.

It is truly amazing how 2 words from a soon to be 4 year old, can effect an almost 40 year old father and change their life.

Thank you son.

Read more

Ever feel like your life is sliding out of control? I have, heck, I have this week.  To say that this has been a hard week, might be one of the biggest understatement for the week for me.

Just a few things that have happened: My mother in law died 6 years ago Monday,  yesterday I needed a Pep Talk from the boys, and today I was literally sliding while driving home.  I am done with this week.  I am done with the stress, the surprises, the snow, the emotions, the hurt and pain, I am just done with it all.

Work has been pretty stressful lately with trying to get a major campaign launched at work, but also when things go wrong, I am the one that people look to first to resolve the problem.  My wife has had to lean more on me this week while dealing with her Mom’s death and I have been trying to deal with it as well myself. I have questioned a lot this week about everything. And I have asked more questions of myself and life this week. And at the end of the day, I have realized that no matter what, my day wasn’t as bad as someone that has cancer or just getting news that they were dying.

Perspective? Sure, I got it. I work at a hospital and day in and day out, I see people who’s day is 100 times worse than mine.  Today, I left work early because I found out that our roads were not in the best of condition due to 3+ inches of snow that was falling. I picked up the kids early from school and we were literally sliding down on the road. Scared? HELL yes! We slid on two roads. The boys loved it, I was scared to death. We were sliding down the hill to our house and I felt like I have this entire week, out of control. And when I say that we were sliding down the hill, I mean, literally we were sliding down the hill and into a parking spot. Scared me to death.

But I was able to get the boys home and in the house and we were safe! SAFE, a word that I had not thought of all week. My boys were SAFE at home. My wife was able to get home and she too was SAFE and at some point, my day was not sliding anymore.

My world is my family. The week that we have had, has been really hard both emotionally and also physically. Dealing or not dealing with my mother in law’s death has been hard. And I say not dealing with her death, because I don’t know that I ever did,  but that is a blog for another time. My point is this, my life was sliding out of control this week. And for a few days, it bothered me. I was selfish. I focused on all of the outside factors in my life, but what I missed was simple, my worse days of sliding out of control doesn’t compare to the person finding out that they have cancer. It doesn’t compare to the family hearing that their loved one is dying or the family that has State Troopers on their door step asking to come, because they need to talk with them about their loved one that was in an accident and didn’t make it.

My worst day this week, doesn’t compare. Sure, I felt like my life was sliding out of control and maybe it was. But I got to hug and kiss my boys today. I got to hug and kiss my wife tonight. Work is work. But my life, though I was literally sliding out of control today, was not as bad as many others experienced today.

Read more

It is funny how becoming a parent changes the way that you view things and your reactions. For example, Baby A has had a few pee accidents at school and when he told me Friday that it happened again, I just smiled, hugged him and said “It Happens!”

I had two choices, make a big deal out of really nothing and more importantly, make my son feel bad like I was upset with him or blow it off and make it really a non issue, which it was.  Kids need to learn that in life, there are important things to get upset over and then there are things that just don’t matter in life. I want my kids to know right from wrong. I want them to learn that there is a time to be serious and a time to laugh. I want them to understand that it is ok to make a mistake, because It Happens.

I’ll never forget when I was 16 years old and I had only been driving for a few months. It was a winter Monday morning, I was approaching a curve at about 30 miles per hour and I never saw the black ice. I remember after I flipped my jeep, my dad is going to kill me. As I got out of my jeep, I surveyed the damage and was pretty sure that it was totaled, but I did the hardest thing to date, I called my Dad. That was the longest 15 minute wait for my Dad to arrive and I remember apologizing and him stopping me. He asked if I was ok? And when I mentioned the jeep, he stopped me again and asked if I was ok? I reassured him that I was and he said simply, “it was an accident, it happens.”

My accident cost a lot of money that day, but the lesson that I learned was that my father could have come down on me or he could have taught me about love and that sometimes that the best lessons in life, are taught with the simple phrase, “it happens”.

So later that day, my sons and I were talking and I was not paying attention and I dropped my apple on the floor and Baby A looked at me and said “Daddy, it is ok, It Happens”.

Read more

Being a parent isn’t always easy, but at the sometime, being a child isn’t either and I say that, because I am both. I am a parent to my awesome kids, but I also am a child to my parents.

Yesterday was just one of those days, it was just a day mixed with emotions. I had to say goodbye to a good friend over the weekend, as he and his wife decided to split up & though he and I will remain in contact, it is hard knowing that I’ll only see him a few more times.  I had a former boss, who was a mentor and even better friend to me pass away over the weekend and his funeral was yesterday and I wasn’t able to attend. And then to top it all off, my Dad texted me that my cousins husband had committed suicide. So we are talking about a lot of serious things here, but we are also talking about life.

Life is hard. As parents, we want to protect our kids from life. We want to shelter and try to protect them from the dangers and evils that lurk out there. As child, we want our independence and freedom to test the water and see what we can and can not do. My Dad asked me last night how I would have handled letting my kids (it was a hypothetical) know about my friend’s death? I didn’t know? I haven’t been forced to share with them about life and death.  I haven’t had to do it, I know that I will soon. I know that I will have to tell them about their grandmother who was killed in a car accident, well before they were born. And then I’ll have to tell them what an amazing person that she was and how much she would have loved them and would have wanted to play and spend time with them.

As adults, we have challenges everyday. We have bills to pay. Stresses of finances, marriage, and everything else that could be thought of. But it is how we handle it, that separates us.

To my buddy that is separating from his wife. I am sorry. I am sorry that you were faced with that decision. I am sorry that things didn’t work out and that you’ve had to make this decision.

To my cousin, who’s husband committed suicide. I am truly sorry. No parent should ever have to tell their child that their spouse took their own life. There were demons there with him and he struggled for years, but there were other options. But to my cousin, I am sorry for your loss.

And to my friend that past away. You have made an impression on my life, that will never go away. You taught and shared words of encouragement, when I really needed them. You showed me the importance of leadership and how to be firm, but more importantly fair with people.

Life. Life is a thing that isn’t explained. Today, we have. Right now, we have. But life, it is how we choose to live it. And that is what I hope to leave my children with. That living life everyday to the fullest is one of the most important things that they can do. Live for today. Live for right now. Live for family and friends.

Read more

Boys will be boys and fights and rough housing will happen. It is just a part of nature. But one thing that I’ve started doing is that when the kids start getting a little to rough, I make them stop and Hug It Out.

I want them to get into the habit of realizing that they have to be nice to each other. They are brothers, best friends and sometimes in life, we aren’t going to agree on everything. But even though we might not agree, we have to be nice to each other, so just Hug It Out.

Last weekend, the boys were playing and one thing led to another and Baby B was getting ready to bite his brother and as soon as I saw him going in, I called his name and he froze. He knew that he was going to get in trouble. He knew that what he was doing was wrong. So, not only was he going straight to time out, but first he had to hug his brother and tell him he was sorry.

Life lessons are never to early to start. So many times we as adults I think lose focus of being nice to each other. I think that we are just in a rush for everything, not realizing how we are effecting others. I’ve realized that more and more as I look at my sons. Am I being in a rush and overlooking things with them? Am I being hard on them after a long day?

So when life gets to be a little hard, you get a little frustrated, you just need to say that you are sorry. Hug It Out!

Read more

Today, the boys and I ventured out and had a little Sunday Funday!  Since it was such a nice day, we took a short drive out to the country to visit a local pumpkin patch, then the Nature Center, pizza for dinner and then called it a night.

While out at the pumpkin patch, I put the boys on horses for the first time and they loved it. They laughed and giggled the entire time. They talked about wanting a lasso and saying “YEEE HAWWW!”  And as I sat and watched my sons, I realized how much that they were growing up and growing up entirely too fast. They were on their own. They were sitting there on a horse and loving life. But after the horse rides, we took a hay ride over to the pumpkin patch and they listened, they played, they looked at pumpkins and they enjoyed every minute of being out there.

But what I realized, was that they were growing up. They were learning and putting things that we’ve taught them into practice. They were absorbing. They were learning. They were having fun.

When we got home, Baby B fell asleep 10 minutes after we left the restaurant and when we got home, Baby A helped me bringing in a small grocery bag, but what I didn’t realize, is that while I was getting Baby B changed and into bed, Baby A was downstairs putting the contents of the bag on the table for me. He said that he had seen me empty groceries and wanted to help. He was growing up!

What I’m learning about being a father of twins, is that no two days are alike, just like my sons. I’m learning that though Baby A has a HUGE vocabulary, Baby B can count from 0 – 30 and also in increments of 10s, from 10 to 100. I am learning that Baby A can adjust to things a lot easier than Baby B, especially if he is tired. I’m learning that you can’t compare twins, plain and simple, but what you can do, is realize that they are different individuals that just so happened were born 1 min and 30 seconds apart. I am learning that what works for one, may or may not work for the other in terms of discipline and also teaching them new things.

But what I’ve learned more than anything, is that they are becoming more and more independent and are growing up entirely too fast.

Read more