Life

Sometimes, it rains in life. I know, not a very deep thought there, but the phrase “rain” could be used for a multitude of things.

Boy A has not been able to play baseball with his teammates in almost a month, because of the rain. And when he asked this morning if he was going to play, I just said “buddy, sometimes, it rains.” And it stinks for a kid to hear that, but it is true.

I used the word rain very carefully in explaining the cancellation of his game today, because it is not just playing baseball. My wife and I have started a weekly conversation about were we are financially for the week, progress of paying off debt, things that we need to be thinking about and focusing on for the coming weeks.

There has been a lot going on lately in our lives, ranging from my son’s surgery all the way to my wife deciding to short sale her condo. This has been a debt that has heavily weighed on us and I can not begin to count the number of sleepless nights that I have had over this property. This was the house that my wife purchased about 2 months before we had our first date, so we had never even met!

This is the house where my wife cooked for me for the first time, where my children spent the first 4 years of their life and a place where we laughed, cried and figured out how to start being a married couple. So there were a lot of feelings with this one, both good and bad. And taking the emotional side out of it, this hurts my wife in a lot of ways, primarily in her credit.

So today, as I type this and cook lunch for the boys, I look over our finances and though we are no were near where I want us to be! I do for the first time see a light at the end of the tunnel. My family is safe. My kids are healthy. And though I have struggled with the idea of doing a short sale, for many reasons, after getting some really good advice from a family friend, I agreed.

And as I told my son this morning, “sometimes, it rains”, I realized that I wasn’t just telling him that about his game. But I was I was also giving myself from reassurance too, because if this short sale goes through, yes it will be a though time financially for the next several years for us, but we will also not be sitting under the dark cloud that this condo has placed over us.

So in life, sometimes it does rain, but after the rain stops, there is often times a big rainbow too.

Read more

I have been bothered lately by anxiety. Let me rephrase that, for the first time in my life, I am understanding that I struggle with anxiety and I’m trying to get help for it.

Anxiety is an emotion caused by a belief in potential loss

Reading that 1 simple line at church hit me like a ton of bricks!   For years, I have struggled with letting things get to me, but not knowing how to process or effectively deal with the issues. I would internalize things to the point, that I would blow up and be completely stressed out.

Buy why? What was causing all of this? Honestly, I still don’t know for sure? I do know that I’m trying to figure out why I am unable to relax. Unable to deal with certain things.

Anxiety for some, is much worse that what I deal with. But, it is very real for me. I have had several people in the last several months comment that I was working my way to a heart attack. That scared the hell out of me. Friends and co-workers, people that I spend a lot of time with, were seeing what I could not. They recognized a change in me that was not good. They saw how tired I looked, which then I would have to talk about not sleeping.

Oh right, part of my anxiety is that I’m not sleeping either. If I get 2-3 hours a night, I’m doing good. But in rereading that line from church, the part that hit me was the part about the belief in a potential loss.

So what am I afraid of losing? Friends? Family? Relationships? Not sure? But something is causing me to be anxious a lot more than I should.

I have recognized that after seeing the movie I Can Only Imagine, that I have realized things from my childhood that I did not deal with. Whether on purpose or not, I didn’t. So, maybe that could be it?

Regardless of what it is, I am for the first time trying to figure out a healthy solution, to deal with this problem.

Read more

Sometimes adulting is hard. Granted adulting really isn’t a word, but to me, it just works.

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind for me and my family, well, really my wife and I. We have been in limbo as we have been actively discussing a job and a move. The pros and cons have been discussed a lot.

There were tears and concerns.  There was excitement and fears. But at the end of the day, we were back and forth on the possibilities and at the end of the day, we didn’t have a decision on what to do. I was back and forth on a daily basis and the boys had no idea. There was no need to share with them an unknown.

Over the last several days, I started leaning one way, but would occasionally float to the other decision for no rhyme or reason. I let a few people in on my decision and struggles with what I was going through and leaned on their thoughts, knowing that I had to make a decision.  Good friends will tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear, and I’m lucky to have good friends.

Last night I was watching the UNC basketball game and at some point in the second half, I made the decision. It was weird, I figured out sitting in the recliner and it just came to me out of the blue and I felt at peace. I texted a buddy of mine and I said that I knew what to do but that I was sleeping on the decision and let him know when I woke up.

“We are not moving.”

That was the text that I sent my buddy. I just knew and was 100% sure of the decision. I had struggled for days on the decision and struggled for weeks what might be. But, what I kept struggled with is how does this work? Can I be away from my boys for 5 days at a time and my wife? Would I be ok living out of a suit case? Sure it is for a short time, but my son’s need me, as much as I need them.

We depend on each other. Who would be there to sing Lyle Lovett at night? Who would be there to help me grill or cook? Who would be there to nag me about my clothes not matching? Sure, 2 months, that is what we would be talking about and yes people do this everyday, but I’m not everyone.

I literally felt like the weight of the world had been taken off my shoulders. And, I was at peace.

So tonight, I hug the boys and my wife. Tonight, after a lot of struggles and a lot of worrying, I am at peace.

Read more

Looks like there might be a possible move in our future. At least as of today.

Next week, I travel for a possible new job. One that could be both exciting and challenging. But this possible move is also stressful as well.

There have been a lot of conversations, both with my wife and also with the possible organizations. The thought of moving, is exciting and scary all at the same time.

One on hand, it might be time for a change. But on the other, I would be away from my family for a month or two, 5 days a week, which is not ideal. Is it the end of the world, no, because families do it all the time. But for me, who is a very active father that puts his kids to be every night, it makes my stomach hurt.

Another big focus in all of this is my kids. They are established in their schools. They have little friends. We know their Pediatrician and he knows us. The thought of having to find someone new and build a relationship, does not excite me. But at the same time, this move could be a great thing for my family.

A good friend of mine asked where our end goal was for the family as it pertained to living and I said, North Carolina. And as we talked through that this was not in North Carolina, he reminded me that it took him 3 moves to get to his dream town.

This move would be a lot easier if it were just my wife and I. This could be possibly a no brainier to be honest. But I have to consider my kids. I have to think about how a possible move would impact them.

Everything would change. We would know not a single person there. We would be starting new. For someone that is not normally a risk taker, especially this late stage of my career, I am stepping out of my comfort zone and taking a leap of faith.

My guess, is that by next time this week, I will know if we will be exploring the possibility of going or not. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. But it does add a layer of stress to life.

So, here is to a possible move.

Read more

I realized this morning, that I really do not like who I am becoming. I do not mean that as a negative, but really more of a fact.

This morning before leaving the office, I was tense and on edge. One of the boys spelled some of his milk and did not tell me, and when my wife found it became a HUGE issue. Was it blown out of proportion,  maybe?  But she was not happy and I was on the receiving of that.

So my response was a simple reminder that I was getting ready to start my hour and a half commute, that I had a day full of meetings and then I would be driving another hour and a half back home after work. And it was then I realized, who I am becoming is someone that I do not like.

The argument that my wife and I had this morning, was not over the spilled milk. It was over my job.
My work load has tripled and there is a chance in literally the next few weeks, that it could do so again. I am on edge the time that I leave the house until I come home and often times, it is now taking me hours to settle down.

And that time that it takes for me to relax, is time that I’m not me. I’m frustrated. I’m short with my wife and my kids and I don’t mean to be, but I’m struggling. I am really trying to keep it all together. I’m focused on ensuring that my teams at work are doing their jobs and at the same time, when I walk in the door at home that I switch gears.

So this weekend, the phone goes away. My focus and attention is going to be spent on my family and I am going to try to relax some. In order to change to who I want to be, I have to change who I am becoming.

 

Read more

I’ve stared looking at the year in review and all in all, it has been a good year. The family is healthy, spent a lot of time with friends and family.

So here are just a few of the highlights and they are not in any particular order.

  • Both boys are doing great in school. In fact, both have been recognized for achievements in learning.
  • Boy B was diagnosed with ADHD & has been doing great with both a combination of medication and also additional services to help him learn to cope with this.
  • We celebrated the life of my Grandfather this October. My Grandfather meant the world to me and taught me so many valuable life lessons. You can read more here.
  • We were able to meet our 1st financial goal that we set for the year and that was to pay off at least 2 major credit cards. 2 done and a few more to go. But, in all honesty, that was hard because we had an increase of medical bills due to my son’s therapy. Not complaining, but just a fact. But we are on pace to hopefully be in a better place in 2018.
  • My wife was in a major car accident this summer. I will never forget the feeling of pulling up to the accident and seeing the damage to my wife’s van and feeling how blessed we were that she was still alive. Her guardian angel was definitely there for sure protecting her.
  • We added a new addition to the family! Meiko aka The Meeks aka a great little puppy.
  • I started doing DDP Yoga, which is something that I never thought that I would do or even more importantly that that, enjoy.
  • Grateful that my family in Houston were spared any damage during Hurricane Harvey.
  • Cooked a whole lot and really started to broaden my horizon with cooking and taking some serious leaps with that. I also added grill number 4 to the deck. Which gives me 4 Grills and a smoker.
  • The boys just started martial arts and love it. And Boy A is starting to play basketball at the Recreation Department.
  • Work is, well work. Nothing really good or bad to say.
  • My wife’s job has changed a bit as well, so there has been an adjustment period there for us too.
  • My two favorite teams won championships, UNC Basketball and the Houston Astros.

All in all, life is good. We had our ups and our downs in 2017 but made a lot of great memories too.

And 2018 already has some bright spots. My wife and I will be celebrating our 10th Wedding Anniversary and will be renewing our vows, with our kids there. And if all goes well, we should be able to really knock out a lot of debt in the front half of the year and being on our way to being debt free. And we already have at least 2 trips planned for the year as well, with many more to go.

So, from my family to yours, enjoy the moments and have a Safe and Happy New Year.

Read more

At dinner on Saturday night, the boys were playing games and all of a sudden I hear “Son of a B…..” shouted at the table. Not something that you expect to hear at the dinner table, especially in public at a restaurant, but there it was.

I was in second grade before I heard my first cuss word, let alone saying it out loud. And the one time that I did say it in front of my dad, let’s just say that it didn’t end well for me. But sitting there Saturday night, hearing my son say Son of a B….. for the first time, totally caught me off guard. I was speechless for about 30 seconds.

And then I was faced with two choices and he knew as soon as he said it, that he was in trouble. But Option 1, take him out side and spank him or Option 2, calmly explain that what he said was wrong. So, I went with option 2 and we talked about how little boys do not need to talk that way.

Let’s just mark this down as just another thing that I was not expecting to deal with at such an early age.  I knew that it was coming, heck my wife swears like a sailor at sea, but I have really tried my best to keep my language clean. Now that being said, the boys are still not allowed to watch the UNC vs. dook basketball game, as I save all of my bad language for those games. But it was moments like Saturday night that really made me question if sending the boys to public school was the best option?

Do not get me wrong, I have zero plans to send the boys to private school for several reasons and the most important is that I pay city and state taxes, which directly effect the school, so why would I pay more? But more importantly, I will not lie and say that home schooling the boys did not cross my mine Saturday night.

As the night went on and we talked more about appropriate language, I was taken back to sitting on my grandfather’s front porch, talking with my Dad and he spanked me. And as I talked with my son’s about their choice of words and how they responded, I realized that I made the right choice in talking with them versus spanking. Even when they Son of a B….., I just sometimes shake my head.

Read more

This has been a tough week. My grandfather is actively dying, work has been work and the boys have been ok. But it has been a tough week.

The boys have had a better week at both school and at home. They have done well with their nightly reading and math homework. But Boy B’s teacher has been out on medical leave and so his schedule has been a little off. I will say though that his medication has really helped with the last two weeks transitions with a substitute teacher.

As for my grandfather. The family has called in hospice to help provide comfort for him in his final days. And even though I have not been able to make the 7 hour drive south to say goodbye, I have been able to talk with him several times and we laugh, we cry and we say goodbye again. The call this past weekend was tough, because he was barely able to say “I love you”, but he did and I cried.

The older that I get, the more I realize what is really important. Work has been tough this week, for a lot of reasons. And maybe the things from my life have taken priority and/or overshadowed everything else, I have tried to keep composure. But life, is sometimes hard to control all aspects without a little struggle.

As I type this, one of the boys is watching the Houston Astros playoff baseball game (Go STROS!) and the other is in the bath. I just chilled a bottle of wine, because sometimes a good glass of wine is all that you need to help today be a little better. And as I get the boys ready for bed, I am quietly reflecting on the day and week.

This has been a tough week! But life can be that way more times than not. Sometimes, it is hard to step back and think about what is important because of life. And then there are days like today, that make me really realize what is truly important. So, with that, Go Stros! And I’ll put the boys to bed tonight, enjoy a good glass of wine and I’ll celebrate the final days of my grandfathers life.

Read more

Heroes don’t wear capes and masks, instead they wear uniforms and business suits and dresses, and overalls. Heroes are everyday normal humans that do extraordinary things on a daily basis.

Teachers, doctors, famers, fire fighters, police officers, soliders and the list goes on and on, these are true heroes. They put their lives on the line daily or they do something for the better of the world. And more importantly, they do amazing things with little to no fan fare or rarely a thank you.

Today, as I type this, my grandfather, who is one of my heroes, is laying in a hospital bed and is coming to the end of his life. He fought in World War II, he was a farmer, he was a father and grandfather, brother, uncle, etc. But more importantly, he contributed to society in different ways and made everyone that came in contact with him a better person.

He is always quick with a joke or a smile and he has never known a stranger in his life. Even when he is down or not feeling well, he is doing everything he can to make someone else’s day better. Through out the last several months as his health has steadily declined, he never once complained. He never once asked for pity or for someone to feel bad for him. Instead, he offers advice, he tells a joke and he makes others ok with were he is in his life and in knowing what the future holds.

My grandfather has lived a great life. He lived within his means and built up a legacy for his entire family and has been a rock for us all. And as we come to the end of his life, I have struggled with making sure that I have asked all of the questions that I wanted to know. I have wanted to ensure that he is comfortable and ready to leave this world, because when I get the call, though it will be a sad moment, he will no longer be struggling.

So as we watch what is going on in the world today, I reflect more on what lessons of life I have learned from my grandfather, because he is a hero that wore a farmer’s hat and drove a tractor.

Read more

I have held off saying a lot about Hurricane Harvey and I did so for a reason, I didn’t know what to say? Was I going to discuss the disaster? Was I going to discuss the loss of lives and devastation? The political rhetoric that has been thrown around? Or, was I going to talk about how I was personally effected?

Honestly, I still don’t know what to say? This will probably be a rambling post, but that is ok. I think often times, we struggle to find the right words to say in the aftermath of this disaster.

I am from North Carolina and at the age of 21, I packed up my jeep and moved just north of Houston to a town called The Woodlands. There, my life changed for the better. It changed because I went out with what I could put in my jeep and my best friend John, who was already living there, we got an apartment and I became who I am today. Houston is the 4th largest city in the US, so for me, I had never lived near that large of a city.

My first week of living in The Woodlands, I drove to downtown Houston to see the sights and to get use to the traffic and to the area, but what really happened was I fell in love with the city. I feel in love the area, the people, the culture, etc. And had I not accepted, at what I thought was a great job on the east coast, I would still be there today. I to this day, love Houston and more importantly, the great state of Texas.

The food and the music to this day have been completed changed because of my time there.   BBQ has an entire different feel for me today than it did in North Carolina because of Brisket and smoked sausage.  Tex-Mex and Mexican food, I don’t even know where to begin on this, but I think that Lyle Lovett said it best and is words that I still live by to this day:

Never eat Mexican food east of Mississippi or north of Dallas. – Lyle Lovett from a Southern Living article.

And the music is just amazing. From seeing King George Strait, Lyle Lovett, Robert Earl Keen, Pat Green, Randy Rogers Band and Wade Bowen and the list just go on and on.  To this day, when these artists are in town, I try like hell to get back, because for a few hours, I get to relive my time in Texas.

Texas is a part of me. It made me who I am today. It shaped me into the father, husband, man etc that I am today. It forced me to make new friends and leap outside of my comfort zone. I had to abandon things and views that I thought were one way to realize that it was really another. I changed into a better person, because of the years that I lived in Texas and for that, I am forever grateful.

So as I sat and watched the storm unfold, I was in constant contact with my family and friends that live there. I saw through their photos via text and on Facebook what was going on. And then the days after, I saw media photos of places where I worked or drove to and from work or the damage that my church had. But through it all, my friends and family are safe. The church can be repaired from the flooding, again. And Texas will rebuild, hell if you have ever spent anytime in Texas, you’ll know that not only will the city and residents rebuild, they will rebuild even bigger than before. That is the Texas way. That is Texas Pride!

As I listened to a friend the other night discuss the political tone and how the GOP failed to pass legislation when Hurricane Sandy hit New Jersey, I couldn’t help be thinking that he was missing something. Regardless of the political views, the residents were rallying around each other and helping one another in a way that can not be described. People that did not know each other and regardless of color, political views, religious views were there helping to save the lives of their fellow Texans.

Hurricane Harvey hits really close to home for me. I have a good friend that was working the entire time as a fireman. I have friends that are in law enforcement there. I have close family there. I have friends that have serious medical conditions that were unsure about treatments that they were going to have. And through it all, you see Houston Texans J.J. Watt started a fund with a goal of $200,00o to be raised to help the residents of Houston and at this time, it has raised over $16 million.

Houston is Houston Strong and that will not change. Hurricane Harvey will not destroy the great state of Texas or the city of Houston and surrounding cities for that matter. If you are able to give, please do so, as it will take years to rebuild. And there is a reason why the phrase “Don’t Mess With Texas” is so true. Texans have rallied in a time of disaster to help those in need. So as I type this out, my heart and prayers are with those today and always, in a city and state that I truly love.

God Bless Texas!

Read more