On my worst day, it isn’t as bad as most. On my worst day, I get to hug these two little boys. On my worst day, I get two little boys that trust me and call me dad. On my worst day, I get hugs and kisses goodnight.
Today was a challenge. Work is just insane. But they ran to me when I picked them up and hugged and kissed me. Today was not bad at that point.
I am realizing more and more that fatherhood is all about perspective. And today, I choose that being with my boys is a good day.
Grace can be defined by many ways, here are just a few from the Christianity section on About.com “Grace is God’s unmerited favor. It is kindness from God we don’t deserve. There is nothing we have done, nor can ever do to earn this favor. It is a gift from God. Grace is divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration (rebirth) or sanctification; a virtue coming from God; a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine favor.”
Things happen and we don’t know why. Things go wrong and you’ll often hear that that things happen for a reason, good or bad. Today was that day for my wife and I, as over the last few days we’ve talked a lot about her mom and her mom’s death.
Were all of these things just odd and happenstance? Maybe, or maybe they were signs of Grace, a kindness that we don’t deserve?
Tonight, as I went to put the boys down, they were a little fussier than usual. They did not go down as fast as they normally do and that was ok, I was perfectly happy to rock them tonight. Tonight, I needed to hold them a little longer. Give them a few more kisses goodnight. And as I laid in the floor with Baby A, Baby B grabbed his pillow, bunny and blanket and snugged up to me on the floor. And as I watched him drift off to sleep, ever so peacefully, Baby A reached over and held my hand and he did so until he fell asleep.
For me, Grace is a gift. A gift that is done and provided so innocently. A gift that is given to us at a time that we need it the most. A gift that can sometimes not be explained. So, as I looked back on the day, the sermon especially, I thought about my wife’s mom’s death and thought about three of the most visible signs of Grace to me.
Grace. It is a small word that can mean so many different things to different people. But to me and especially today, Grace got me through a difficult day.
I was on Facebook over the weekend and saw the headline pop up in my news feed: 20 Tips for Creating a Family-Centered Life and it immediately caught my attention.
I think that in this day and time, even with the best of intentions, it is often hard to have a family-centered life. But, and this is important, but with a little effort, a lot of the things that were listed are definitely attainable. I think that this list of 20 is awesome and could have gone even higher, but I wanted to reflect on some of these items individually.
1. Mom and Dad have a consistent date night alone together at least once a month. – This is HUGE! Parents, before you were parents, you were a couple. You have to have adult time. You have to remember why you came together in the first place to create this family. Without each other and working together, you become seperate units that will wake up one day and question why you are even together.
3. Entire family gathers for dinner at least 3 times a week. – I grew up in a home that when I was young, we ate every night at the table and as my family grew apart, so did dinner time. My wife and I have it a point, to sit down with the boys every night at the dinner table while they eat. We try to eat at that same time as well, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. But if nothing else, we are there together, asking the boys questions, engaging with them and hopefully setting examples for when they have children. We usually put on some music, something low key, often times Jim Brickman.
9. Dad prays with each of his children before they go to bed each night. – I FAIL at this one, big time. This is something that I have really struggled with and have tried to do better about. But this is a big one and one that I really want to do better on.
10. Weekly church attendance. – Again, as a family we have FAILED this one. We were really diligent about this for the first 2 years of the boys lives, but the last 8 months, we just have falling into a pattern of not going. And a bad pattern at that. We’ve made excuses, but really at the end of the day, this is on my wife and myself. We’ve talked about doing better, but we have to talk less and get back into the habit of going.
12. Dad’s job does not keep him working a lot of late nights or weekends. – When I am home, I am home. No work on the weekend or night, unless it is an emergency and thus far, there have not been any emergencies that could not wait until the next day or at least until after the boys goto bed.
13. Entire family has at least one week of vacation time together per year. – This is really important. This years vacation might look different, but we are still planning on getting away for a few days. It is important to have family time and even more importantly than that, to have family down time away from home.
17. Dad personally knows all of his children’s teachers and is involved in the PTA. – I’ll go a step further than just school. I think that it is crucial for Dad’s to also goto their children’s doctor appointments. I’ve been to every Dr. appointment, except for 2 and I’ve been to every Parent Teacher conference for the boys. It is important as Dad’s to be involved in our children’s lives, because how can we expect to raise them, if we are missing information and not informed.
A family-centered life is an important foundation in my children’s lives. I hope that they will one day recognize how involved I am and will do the same when they have children.
There are lessons in life that we all must learn, but some are harder than others. Growing up, one of the things that I always remember my grandfather telling me was that when you go to bed, you drop all of your worries. That you do not worry about what happened today or yesterday and that tomorrow is a new day. But with that, he went a step further to say that forgiving, that that is one of the greatest gifts that we can give and that we should not hold onto anger, especially towards others.
I came across this Bible verse today: Luke 6 : 37-38 and it reads:
37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
One of the things that we are trying to teach the boys is that if they do something to the other or if they do something to someone else, that they have to say they are sorry. We want the boys to apologize and know that when they do something wrong. But, more importantly, we want the other to see and show forgiveness.
Saying you are sorry is easy, but forgiving, that is the hard part.
Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
Matthew 19:21
I was reminded this week of this Bible verse and it really hit me out of the blue. This past Wednesday morning in our weekly office meeting it was discussed our normal holiday tradition of adopting a community family. As the specifics of the family were read aloud, i.e. ages and what they wanted, I kept thinking about all the things that I have and how much I take for granted, especially when the father of the family was asking for a used coat, because it was getting ready to turn colder. And as the office quietly discussed what everyone wanted to do, this verse popped into my head and said that I would go this weekend and purchase enough canned goods, pasta, etc to last them several weeks. Sure, there are others that could have done it, there are others that do not have children that have more expendable income than we do, but I can’t take these things with me when I die. And there is just something magical about giving to others.
“Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ”
Acts 3:6
My job as a father is to set an example for my boys and if I can do that, then that is worth more than anything in this world. So I recounted this story to my mother yesterday on the phone on my commute home and the other end of the phone was really quiet and I heard my mother sniffle and she just said that she was proud of me. My mother has taught school for 45 years and she told me how she had often purchased coats for some of her students or shoes for students and that they would just happen to end up on their desk and would ever know where they came from.
My mother showed me that giving to others, was the greatest gift that you could give and it meant even more, if it was done without recognition. So today, I ask, what are you doing to help others in need? I can skip Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts this week and pay for a lot of canned good items for a family in need and what is really more important, another cup of coffee or providing a meal for a hungry family? What is holding you back from giving to others? And it doesn’t have to be a lot, $1.00 can buy 2 canned goods, but it is something that I encourage everyone to start doing more spontaneous giving.
Every year, I set the goal to start reading The Bible again and each year, something seems to get in the way of that time. I have always put an excuse or put something else above that time to read, but not now. For the last 2 months I have set aside 10 minutes a day to sit in quiet and read The Bible. And yes, I realize that 10 minutes is not a lot, but how much free time do you usually get with twin boys?
Quiet time is hard to find and there is always something to be cleaned, something to be straightened, but I realized that I was putting aside something that not only I wanted to do, but needed to do as a father. I needed to prepare myself in a different way, look at things in a different way, prepare my children for a life of growing up with going to church. And for me, the first step was picking up The Bible. Ok, I’ll be honest, yes, I own actually 2 Bibles, I’ve been reading the The Bible on my phone using the YouVersion.com app. Is it cheating? Maybe? But I am reading The Bible and isn’t that what counts?
Our society is changing, let’s be honest and it is really changing in the way of the church. The traditional churches that we one knew are on the way out. Sure, I think that you’ll see some that will be in existence, but churches are now held in basketball gyms, The Compaq Center (Joel Osteen), a bar in Denver, coffee shops, on the beach, and the list goes on and on. And with that, churches need to reach people in a new way, i.e. The Bible app.
So, I’m back on my goal of actually reading The Bible and just started a year long devotional and have really enjoyed the quiet time and reflection that I have in reading it. I just hope and pray that this new journey will help me be more patient with my boys as they grow and allow me to share with them my faith, but also help them find out their own.