Faith

I was driving into work today and I was thinking about the weekend, how much fun we had going to Trunk or Treat and seeing how happy the boys were dressed up in their costumes. And it hit me how much I just love those little guys.  I’m fortunate that I get to spend so much time with the boys and how much fun that we have. Yes, I’m their parent not their best friend, but I honestly love being around the boys. Now, Saturday night, Boy B was pushing the limits and trying to run away and hide and at home, that is fine, but in a crowded area, makes it a little harder to maintain.

And I think that on top of the weekend, the sermon series is all about a Father’s love and it got me thinking about two specific things, King George Strait and Derek Redmond.

If you are a country music fan, then at some point in time, you’ve sung along with King George and if you are an old school fan, you’ve probably sung a lyric or two from the hit, A Love Without End, Amen. But yesterday, I was thinking about the chorus and it really resonated with me:

“Let me tell you a secret about a father’s love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us.”
He said, “Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then.
It’s a love without end, amen, it’s a love without end, amen.”

And here is the video:

But George is right, we don’t just love our kids every now and then, we love them everyday and until we take our final breath. And Saturday as I was talking with Boy B about his behavior I didn’t love him any less, in fact, I think that I loved him more in that moment when he put his arms around me and apologized for misbehaving.

And then was actually the clip that we watched in church yesterday about Olympic runner Derek Redmond and how as he was running, tore his hamstring. And as he begin limping towards the finish line a guy from the crowd runs out to help him, his father. And I think that the favorite part for me was when one of the Olympic officials tried to get him to stop and his father basically told him to get away.

A father’s love bound to a normal idea or philosophy, but instead a father’s love is unconditional. A father’s love is a bond and is as strong as nothing else. It is my responsibility as my son’s father to be there for them and help teach and show them how to grow up to be men. To teach them life lessons and to also talk with them when they do wrong. And when they do wrong, and they will, I’ll be there to show them a love without end.

Read more

Our church has been doing a 30 day challenge of all the members praying the simple prayer “God, if you are real, make yourself real to me.” And as we were in church yesterday, the sermon was on the Parable of the Lost Son and then they closed with a more modern version of the parable and it really got me thinking. What if I were in that same situation where one of my boys ran away? How would I feel? What would I think? How devastated would I be?  How welcoming would I be when they returned home? All of these thoughts flooded my head as the pastor was reading the modern version and as I wiped the tear from my eye, I realized that no matter what, no matter where, I will love my sons unconditionally.I will always be there for them, as long as I am breathing and I hope and pray that my sons know and realize this. I hope that they will learn that they come first, no matter what and that I will always love them.

But as I was sitting in my seat as the service closed, I realized, though I didn’t run away, I did move away from my family when I was 21. And I remember before leaving my grandfather’s house, my Dad took me outside and simply said, that he would always be there for me and that I could come home whenever I wanted to. And it hit me yesterday, I did the same thing, to a point. I left to find myself and in some regards, not deal with some of my family issues, but I also did it because I needed to.

And as I sat in church, I remember my drive to Houston, Texas and I remember how I felt getting there and my first night there, thinking if I had made the right decision or if I should just go home? But as days turned to weeks and weeks to months and months to years, what I realized is that your family will be there for you, even when you make the wrong choices. So to my sons, if you go the wrong way, just remember that you can always come home and that you’ll always be loved.
This is a great short story by Philip Yancey: like Jesus’ ‘prodigal son’ it not only speaks of those who have physically left home and wasted their lives, but in a sense it is what we have ALL done spiritually. As in the parable of Jesus the ending portrays God’s great love for the returning child.

“A young girl grows up on a cherry orchard just above Traverse City, Michigan. Her parents, a bit old-fashioned, tend to over-react to her nose ring, the music she listens to, and the length of her skirts. They ground her a few times, and she seethes inside. ‘I hate you!’ she screams at her father when he knocks on the door of her room after an argument, and that night she acts on a plan she has mentally rehearsed scores of times. She runs away.

She has visited Detroit only once before, on a bus trip with her church youth group to watch the Tigers play. Because newspapers in Traverse City report in lurid detail the gangs, the drugs, and the violence in downtown Detroit, she concludes that is probably the last place her parents will look for her. California, maybe, or Florida, but not Detroit.

Her second day there she meets a man who drives the biggest car she’s ever seen. He offers her a ride, buys her lunch, arranges a place for her to stay. He gives her some pills that make her feel better than she’s ever felt before. She was right all along, she decides: her parents were keeping her from all the fun.

The good life continues for a month, two months, a year. The man with the big car –she calls him ‘Boss’– teaches her a few things that men like. Since she’s underage, men pay a premium for her. She lives in a penthouse, and orders room service whenever she wants. Occasionally she thinks about the folks back home, but their lives now seem so boring and provincial that she can hardly believe she grew up there.

She has a brief scare when she sees her picture printed on the back of a milk carton with the headline “Have you seen this child?” But by now she has blond hair, and with all the makeup and body-piercing jewelry she wears, nobody would mistake her for a child. Besides, most of her friends are runaways, and nobody squeals in Detroit.

After a year the first sallow signs of illness appear, and it amazes her how fast the boss turns mean. “These days, we can’t mess around,” he growls, and before she knows it she’s out on the street without a penny to her name. She still turns a couple of tricks a night, but they don’t pay much, and all the money goes to support her habit. When winter blows in she finds herself sleeping on metal grates outside the big department stores. “Sleeping” is the wrong word – a teenage girl at night in downtown Detroit can never relax her guard. Dark bands circle her eyes. Her cough worsens.

One night as she lies awake listening for footsteps, all of a sudden everything about her life looks different. She no longer feels like a woman of the world. She feels like a little girl, lost in a cold and frightening city. She begins to whimper. Her pockets are empty and she’s hungry. She needs a fix. She pulls her legs tight underneath her and shivers under the newspapers she’s piled atop her coat. Something jolts a synapse of memory and a single image fills her mind: of May in Traverse City, when a million cherry trees bloom at once, with her golden retriever dashing through the rows and rows of blossomy trees in chase of a tennis ball.

God, why did I leave, she says to herself, and pain stabs at her heart. My dog back home eats better than I do now. She’s sobbing, and she knows in a flash that more than anything else in the world she wants to go home.

Three straight phone calls, three straight connections with the answering machine. She hangs up without leaving a message the first two times, but the third time she says, “Dad, Mom, it’s me. I was wondering about maybe coming home. I’m catching a bus up your way, and it’ll get there about midnight tomorrow. If you’re not there, well, I guess I’ll just stay on the bus until it hits Canada.”

It takes about seven hours for a bus to make all the stops between Detroit and Traverse City, and during that time she realizes the flaws in her plan. What if her parents are out of town and miss the message? Shouldn’t she have waited another day or so until she could talk to them? And even if they are home, they probably wrote her off as dead long ago. She should have given them some time to overcome the shock.

Her thoughts bounce back and forth between those worries and the speech she is preparing for her father. “Dad, I’m sorry. I know I was wrong. It’s not your fault; it’s all mine. Dad, can you forgive me?” She says the words over and over, her throat tightening even as she rehearses them. She hasn’t apologized to anyone in years.

The bus has been driving with lights on since Bay City. Tiny snowflakes hit the pavement rubbed worn by thousands of tires, and the asphalt steams. She’s forgotten how dark it gets at night out here. A deer darts across the road and the bus swerves. Every so often, a billboard. A sign posting the mileage to Traverse City Oh, God.

When the bus finally rolls into the station, its air brakes hissing in protest, the driver announces in a crackly voice over the microphone, “Fifteen minutes, folks. That’s all we have here.” Fifteen minutes to decide her life. She checks herself in a compact mirror, smooths her hair, and licks the lipstick off her teeth. She looks at the tobacco stains on her fingertips, and wonders if her parents will notice. If they’re there.

She walks into the terminal not knowing what to expect. Not one of the thousand scenes that have played out in her mind prepares her for what she sees. There, in the concrete-walls-and-plastic-chairs bus terminal in Traverse City, Michigan, stands a group of forty brothers and sisters and great-aunts and uncles and cousins and a grandmother and great-grandmother to boot. They’re all wearing goofy party hats and blowing noise-makers, and taped across the entire wall of the terminal is a computer-generated banner that reads “Welcome home!”

Out of the crowd of well-wishers breaks her dad. She stares out through the tears quivering in her eyes like hot mercury and begins the memorized speech, “Dad, I’m sorry. I know…”

He interrupts her. ‘Hush child. We’ve got no time for that. No time for apologies. You’ll be late for the party. A banquet’s waiting for you at home.’”

Read more

The older that I get, the more that I realize that I need to devote time for self reflection and time to just unwind and clear my head. Today is one of those days and I thought that I would share a few thoughts/ideas/concerns/etc.

  • This past week, in a small town outside of Roanoke, VA there was yet another senseless shooting.  Please understand, I am 100% in favor of the 2nd Amendment and law abiding citizens being able to legally own and carry fire arms. BUT, I also believe that our society has a serious mental health issue as well and until politicians are able to figure out a legal solution that prevents those that have mental health issues from legally purchasing a gun, then please stay off the tv and keep your political rhetoric to a minimum. Literally within 2 hours of the shootings, the VA Governor held a press conference about gun laws. Mind you, the person that shot the innocent individuals purchased his weapon legally and lawmakers forget that criminals don’t exactly go and register and purchase their handguns legally, as that requires background checks, etc.
  • The stock market took an interesting turn this past week. I only lost $5,000.00, which is a lot, but in the long term, that shouldn’t be too bad. I also upped my contributions to offset future growth and obtain more shares with future purchases.
  • As for the little monkeys, I see more and more growth and maturity in those little guys everyday. They have started to speak a little Spanish, both can count to 10 with no problems and can say a few conversational words. The boys are helping out more at the house and helping clean more. And their personalities just keep growing.
  • Vacation is quickly coming up, but that is something that I”m not necessarily looking forward to again this year. Long story and not a public story. But I will get to spend time with the boys and I’m currently looking at day trips while we are at the beach, i.e. there is an Aquarium nearby, as well as a Naval museum with airplanes.

The last few weeks have been an up and down time for me personally and professionally. I’m fortunate to have the job that I do, as there are so many that are unemployed, though, I often time questions my current career path.  In talking with one of my best friends, who is in a similar situation, I know where my passion lies, though I don’t think that it is my career, as I would hate to lose that passion and turn it into a job that I hate. But at the same time, I wonder if the culture here at work, is contributing to my uncertainty?

Reflection is important for interpersonal perspective. The more that you can self identify, the more that you can stay on top of the things that are bothering you and keep you focused on the important things. So this morning, as I was driving into the office and thinking about the kids and how quickly they are growing and as my work week winds down, I can’t wait to spend the weekend with them. We have a few things already planned to grill and cook and I’m going to teach them how to make chicken and mushroom risotto this weekend and hopefully get some much needed downtime in as well.

Read more

To my sons, this is my hope and wishes for you.

Regrets, yeah I’ve a few in my life and some of those have seemed to have crept up lately and got me thinking.  So I wanted to share a few thoughts and ideas.

  • Life is to short to have any regrets, so live today as it is your last. Live life to the fullest everyday, as we aren’t guaranteed that there is a tomorrow.
  • Follow your heart and your passions for your career and know that you are able to change directions at anytime. BUT, choose a career that you love doing and the day that you wake up and dread going into work that day, it is time to change.
  • Travel. See the country. Eat in dives. Drink really good beer. Visit the Grand Canyon and sit in silence and listen to the sounds. Visit the beach on the east coast and put your toes in the sand and take a cross country flight to LA and goto the beach there and do the same thing. Experience as much as you can of local cultures and talk with strangers. Yes, today as you are a child, do not talk with strangers, but when you are an adult. Talk with strangers and learn and absorb the culture.
  • Learn to cook. You are both well on your way to this now as you both help me a lot to cook or grill. But learn to cook and learn to cook different foods and really challenge yourself and your love of food. And remember, a cheap grill is just that, cheap. Spend the money for a nice grill and it is an investment that will be well worth it.
  • Save your money. It isn’t the most important thing, but will afford you the ability to do the things that you love doing.
  • Faith – have faith in something. We will do our best to introduce you, but it will ultimately be up to you to continue that faith in a higher being.
  • The old saying is very true. It is better to give than receive. Help someone else that is less fortunate than you are. You have never gone a day of wanting in your life. You have been blessed beyond what you’ll ever be able to know and understand, so help someone that needs a chance.
  • Your mom and I will not always be there for you, so learn how to take care of yourself and learn to pickup after yourself. I was 21 before I learned how to wash clothes, you will learn before then and your wives will thank you and us.
  • And this might be the most important life lesson that I have for you. When you meet the love of your life and you will know it and please, do not let her go. TRUST ME on this one guys, you’ll regret it everyday if you do and it will cause a lot of heartache, frustrations and struggles. If you learn nothing else from me, learn this.

Life is hard. Life will throw you curve balls, but you have to sit back and wait for the right pitch to take and promise me that you’ll live your life to the fullest and life with no regrets.

These are just a few of the life lessons that I hope to be able to share with you throughout your life, but life is too short to live with regrets.

 

Read more

Lately, I’ve felt that I haven’t been able to focus or when I do focus, I’m focusing on things that I should not or that are distractions. Life can be hard, we are often pulled in so many different directions, between work and home life, focus can really become blurred.

My commute each day is about 1 hour in both directions and I often use that time to think through my day, what needs to be done when I get to the office. What meetings that are scheduled and what tasks I need to get completed, etc. And my commute home, I focus on spending time with my boys, making sure that they have a good meal to eat and that after dinner we play and get ready for bed. But lately, these drive times have been more of a distraction. They have clouded my thinking and my views and have some days left me in a fog, so to speak.

I realized on my drive in this morning that there are a lot of things going on, both at home and work that are starting to weigh heavily on me. I need to decompress. I need to step away from life for a few days. I need to regain my focus. My focus has and will always be my kids and that will never change. But at the same time, I need to think through all aspects of my life and do something for me. I need a few days off. I need to think about my life for a while. I need to sit on the dock and look at the mountains and I need to listen. I need to listen to the sounds around me and focus on change.

I need to find my focus.

 

Read more

Life Isn’t Fair might be one of the hardest truths to except, but it is a fact of life. And it is a fact that is hard to accept sometimes.  I think that most try to live by the golden rule of life and hope that things just somehow work out. But, the reality is, that sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes, life is hard and frustrating and you just want to scream to anyone that will listen “LIFE ISN’T FAIR!” and hope that they can relate and offer a pat on the back.

There will be times that you really want some thing, but it just doesn’t work out. There will be things/toys/etc. that you might want, that you can not have.
There will be things that you will want to do with your friends, that we’ll sometimes have to say NO to, but the reality is simple, life isn’t fair. And the hard part, is that this doesn’t change as you get older either!

There are times as an adult, I want to take a nap, but I can’t. There are times that I want to take a day off and do nothing, but I have responsibilities at work. There are times that I want to go outside and cook all day, enjoy a cold beer or two and just rest. There are times that I want a new Jeep Cherokee, but it isn’t in the budget right now. There are times, that I can’t way to move to a larger house, but jobs haven’t opened at the right time or worked out in the negotiations. Sometimes, life gets in the way and you just want to tell the world that life isn’t fair!

But, life somehow seems to work out, for the most part. Or, it has been my experience that things somehow work out. Or, I hope at least?

Yes, there is more to this post, but sometimes, you can only write about certain things at that time, for many reasons. And as I type this out, I am thinking that sometimes, Life Isn’t Fair!

Read more

The reality is that we are getting older. I am getting older, my wife, who is 7 years younger than I am, is getting older. My parents are getting older and the reality is, that each day is more a challenge, especially for them.

My parents, who are divorced and remarried both have fallen in the last few months/days. My father had a major knee surgery and is required to now stay off of his leg for 6 weeks. My mom fell last week and broke her ankle and the physician took one look at her x-ray and they immediately scheduled surgery, as the ankle was broken on both sides.

I live 6 hours away from my parents and the reality is that I need to be closer to help take care of them. I was already scheduled to be down there in 2 weeks, but this might require two separate trips. I haven’t been super close with my family since I moved away 20 years ago, not to say that I don’t talk with my parents, which I do, a lot or that I don’t love them, I do. But for the first time, it hit me that I really need to be closer to them and be there when they fall, need help recovering after surgery, etc.

Our reality is a new one, my parents are getting older, my last two grandparents are getting much older, as both turn 90 this year. Today has been a rough day trying to coordinate with physicians, the nurses at the physicians office, talking about the surgery that my mother needs, recovery, etc. This might ultimately fast track a move closer to my family, as they will need more help going forward and I’ll need to be closer to them.

Read more

A five letter word that means the world. Without trust we have nothing. Friendships and relationships mean nothing.  The military relies on trust everyday for every mission and so do our kids. Our kids trust us to do what is right by them, they trust that we will take care of them and they trust that we will love them unconditionally.

Trust comes from so many different ways, hugs, messages from friends/family and yourself. We have to trust that what we are doing will keep our kids safe and out of harms way. I remember asking my dad how he described faith and he said very easily “sometimes you have to trust that the bridge will be there!” And for the longest time, I didn’t understand, but tonight I am more in tune with that concept.

Last week, I found out that a friend who’s son was only one week old and would not make it through the week. I wrecked my brain, but I had to believe and trust that God was and is in control. I have to trust in something that I can’t touch, but hope and pray can heal a family. I have to trust that I can provide the right words of confront that will help or make the situation.  I have to trust that my actions and my friendship with them, will help be of comfort for their family in this time of need.

But no matter how i look on it, I have to trust that tomorrow is better because in knowing that my friend only got to hold his son for a few minutes before he died, is pretty crappy.

Read more

That was the question that I was asked repeatedly last night, “Buy Why?” And no, it was not by my twins, but instead by a good friend of mine. And for once, I was not annoyed by the question or upset by the question, but I left focused on the question, “But Why?”

Last week about this time, I got a text message from my good friend that one of our friend’s son was born, but that there were major complications. Because we didn’t really know anything a group of us were sitting by waiting for a group text to come through that all was ok, but that didn’t happen. It was more like, “we aren’t sure what is going on?”, “it is moment to moment right now?”, “the Dr’s aren’t sure what happened?” and the list goes on. But which each text, my buddy would always ask “But Why?”.  But why don’t you know what is going on? But why is it moment to moment? But why aren’t the Dr’s doing more to find out what happened?  And it got me thinking, because the one question that I kept waiting for to be asked, did not come. The one question that we were all thinking and wanting to not ask, for 6 days was finally asked. And it is one of the few times in my life, that I could provide no glimmer of an answer that even closely made sense. It was the first time, that I felt helpless in my response, but the question was this: “But why did God let this happen to him?”

And there it was, the elephant in the room. I thought about it for a few minutes, I prayed for guidance in my answer and maybe a little bit of wisdom and hope. And what came out of my mouth was jumbled and a struggle, but it basically was this “Man, I really don’t know? I wish that I had an answer for you, but I don’t? I wish that I could ask God this very question and he provide some sort of indication or a clear answer, but he isn’t going to do it in such an obvious way. But, here is what I do know. I do know that God will provide people around the family to provide love and support and if this baby takes his last breathe today, all of the guys will be going to visit the family and we’ll all be making donations to the NICU that has been providing care for the baby. We will all rally around this family to help provide normalcy in a very not normal situation. But to answer the question, I don’t know why?”

I did Google searches and there are blog posts on this topic, there are books about Bad things happening to Good people, there are those that provided verses from the Bible and at the end of 2 pages of searches, I asked out loud, “But why God?” And I know that it isn’t my place to ask that, or maybe it is? But as a father, to hear that a friend’s first born son was struggling to make it, just tore my heart into pieces. I feel awful for the family and my friend. And I pray for peace and mercy on his son’s life and for the healing should his son take his last breath today.

This morning, as I took a few minutes of quiet time before everyone woke up and started moving, I read through the text messages and how the question “But Why?” kept coming up over and and over again and it hit me, there is no answer that will save their son’s life. The physicians will do everything that they can, but the reality is simple, it doesn’t look good. There will be no answers. Logically and medically, this should not have happened and it was of no fault of anyone. But why then? No one will every really know the answer, but my hope is that this family is surrounded with love and support and tonight, I’ll be hugging my boys a little tighter.

And as I sit here and think about what my friend is going through right this very minute, sitting in the hospital and staring at his son, not knowing if this is the last day with him, I ask one question, “Buy Why?”

Read more

Tonight as the boys and I were reading our nightly stories, we finished up Max Lucado’s “God Thinks Your Wonderful” and as we were reading, Baby B sits up in bed and says “Gods Way Is Perfect!”  And then he sat back down in his bed and I tried to finish reading the book.

After that point, I really don’t remember much of the story other than I just wanted to hug my son.

Today was one of those days at work, things didn’t go according to plan and I just didn’t seem to get ahead. But tonight, after Baby B said “Gods Way Is Perfect” I just felt like God was talking to me. And I don’t mean that in a weird way, but I felt that was my time with God tonight. I had already read my devotional, but that was my moment of God saying that everything was ok! But tonight, in that moment, life was ok, better than ok, it was perfect.

Tonight, Gods Way Is Perfect!

 

 

Read more