Faith

Nothing good comes when a sentence starts with “It’s one of those ……” and you can fill in the blank as to what could be said.

It’s one of those days….
It’s one of those outfits….
It’s one of those types of families…..

You get the idea. Well, a co-worker mentioned the other day about her church, which is a local Catholic Church and when she asked about the music at the church that we attend, I mentioned that they led off the previous service with Zac Brown Band’s Homegrown and she looked at me and said, oh, you attend on of those churches.

Now, you have to know my co-worker and understand their personality to accept the backhanded comment a little easier. But this one just kind of hit me wrong and it did for several reasons.

1) They knew that I attended church and at the end of the day, isn’t that the most important thing? Not which denomination, but the fact that we attend.
2) The boys love this church. They are literally asking each day if we are going to church. HUGE!
3) This is the first church that my wife and I have attended and have loved being a part of. We feel like we belong. We feel like we are apart of something bigger here. Something bigger than we did when we attended the United Methodist Church and my wife and I both attended a Methodist church our entire lives, so over 30 years.

So I stood quiet for a moment and gathered my thoughts, because my first response would not have been the right one. So I smiled and said yes, yes we do attend one of those churches. We attend a church that is reaching over 1,200 each Sunday. We are attending one of those churches that had missionaries in 3rd world countries but also doing amazing local outreach in our community. We attend one of those churches that meets people where they want to be met, not following the traditional worship style. We attend one of those churches that goes out among the people and make a difference.  And it is more revealing to more and more each Sunday why contemporary/non-denominational churches are growing and reaching more and more people each week and why the traditional church is losing members at a large level.

So why do I mention faith and religion and church as much as I have lately? Not sure to be honest, it is just something that I’ve been thinking more about lately. But what I know is that attending this church has done something big in the lives of my children and strengthen the relationship between my wife and myself. And I hope, at some point when my kids read this, that they will see how that we have tried to show them a greater being in faith.

So yes, we attend one of those churches, one of those churches that is changing lives, including mine.

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“If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together keep me in your heart. I’ll stay there forever.” A.A. Milne aka – Winnie the Pooh

I saw this quote recently and it reminded me of the first time that I had read it, which was after the death of a friend in High School and recently, my buddy and I were talking about my mother-in-law’s death. And it got me thinking about the impact on my son’s lives and would they remember me, if something happened to them? Would they keep me in their heart, when it comes a day for my death.

I’ve tried to do what is right by my kids and I hope that I’m showing them the importance of putting others needs before their own. Treating others with respect, and they will be respected in return. I hope that they would continue upon the road of a deepen faith. And I hope that they would take care of their mother and to always make decisions based on their gut feeling and to trust that feeling.

I know that when it is time for me to say goodbye to my parents, though I would be sad, my parents instilled in me values and respect and to have a deeper faith. But they also showed me what it is like to be a parent. To put your kids in front of everything else.

“If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together keep me in your heart. I’ll stay there forever.” – Words of wisdom from Winnie the Pooh

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It was bound to happen sooner or later, but tonight out of the blue the boys left my wife and I in tears. Literally we are crying like babies and it was over the most simple and innocent thing.  But the fact that it happened on Mother’s Day, might have made it a little easier and also harder at the same time.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and the boys and I got my wife flowers, cards and a selfie stick and before any jokes are made about the selfie stick, it is am inside joke between my wife and myself. But after the boys and I grilled dinner last night and for the week, my wife was showing the boys a picture of her mom & for those of you that don’t know, read my post entitled 6 years.  My mother in law was killed in a car accident over 6 years ago and there is not a day that doesn’t go by that we don’t talk about or wish that she were still here.  My wife showed a photo of my wife and her mom together and it was a photo that they had never seen before. The photo was from Mother’s Day over 10 years ago, when my wife graduated from college. As soon as my Baby A quietly asked who it was with their mommy, my wife quietly explained that it was her mommy on Mother’s Day years before they were born. And just then it happened, Baby A asked the hard question, “Can Grandma come to my house and see me?” Silence, followed by tears.

My mother in law has been dead for close to 7 years and even though it has been 7 years, it hasn’t been easy. Holidays are hard. Mothers Day might be the hardest day of them all and tonight, as innocently as possible, they wanted to see their grandmother. My wife and I abruptly ended up in tears & I am still wiping them away now. Tears of sorrow. Tears of joy. Tears of frustration. Tears of heart break.

The boys do not know that their grandmother died 7 years ago, they just know that they have my parents and my wife’s dad and his girlfriend. At some point we will have to explain all of this to them, but last night on Mother’s Day, I think that a simple statement that caused so many tears to flow, brought peace and comfort. But as my wife and I talked about, one day, in a few years, we will have to have a very hard conversation with them and tell them about their grandmother and her dying. And then there will be a lot of people that will tell stories about what a wonderful person that she was and how many lives that she touched. And though, it will be harder on us than it will be on them, as they will not know any better, we will know what they are missing out on. We will know how loved they would have been by their Grandmother. We would have known that we would have had to beg her to not let them spend every weekend with her. So with those knowings, we will have to struggle and wipe away tears and talk about one of the most amazing women that I have ever known.

Over 1,200 people attended the visitation and as far away as 3 states. She touched the lives of many and she made a difference in the lives of a lot. Last night, with tears in our eyes, we said a simple prayer and thanked God for our time with my wife’s mom, but as we wiped away those tears and hug and kiss the boys goodnight, we are hurt and filled with sorrow.

Good night to my little Monkeys. Happy Mother’s Day to my wife, my mom, my sister, friends and family. And Mom’s, I know that you are smiling down on these little kids, I just wish that you could have gotten to experience them first hand.

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When I read this story, I just could not believe what I was reading and if you haven’t read this story about a
Dad Refuses to Give Up Newborn Son With Down Syndrome this is one tough dad.

I can’t even imagine being given the option of choosing between my wife and my child, but I think that this dad is amazing.  As I read this story, I just couldn’t even put myself in his place. I couldn’t imagine that if a Doctor put one of my children in my arms and said that they had Down Syndrome and do nothing but love my child. Is it going to be a hard road for them, yes, but this is one tough dad that must be an amazing guy.

 

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Sometimes in life, we find Grace when we least expect it and today was one of those days.

This morning, I was on the phone with my mom and shared a story about one of her friends that is a teacher and how her 6 year old son was just diagnosed with bone cancer. Around 8am this morning a friend of mine went in for a surgical procedure and needed prayers for healing. And I just read on Facebook that a friend of a friend just gave birth to a little boy, only to have 2 days later him die.

It is hard for me as a parent to hear of a child dying. I just can’t handle it. It is hard for me as a parent to hear that another parent has to witness their child going through chemo for cancer. It is hard for me as a friend, to watch a friend go through surgery. But as hard as it is for me to witness these things, it is 100 times harder for the person or parents going through it.

Today, for whatever reason has been a struggle. I am tired, I was up from 2:30 until with the boys. I have had a hard few weeks at work. I have felt day in and day out, that I’m just trying to get to tomorrow and I can enjoy a day off. I have been short, I have been frustrated, I have just been barely making it some days, but as I dropped the boys off at school this morning, something happened. Something that usually doesn’t happen, but it was my Grace moment.

After signing the boys in, getting their coats and shoes off and put away, they both stayed beside me waiting to hug and give me a kiss goodbye. But this time, they both hugged me at the same time and for a moment, life was ok. For a moment, nothing mattered. For a moment, I experienced grace.

As I have sat in my office this morning, door closed and just trying to push my way through a large amount of work, I have thought back to that moment. I have thought to how they both individually hugged me and then then together gave me a big hug. And before I left, they both whispered “I love you”. What more can I ask for?

 

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Being a parent isn’t always easy, but at the sometime, being a child isn’t either and I say that, because I am both. I am a parent to my awesome kids, but I also am a child to my parents.

Yesterday was just one of those days, it was just a day mixed with emotions. I had to say goodbye to a good friend over the weekend, as he and his wife decided to split up & though he and I will remain in contact, it is hard knowing that I’ll only see him a few more times.  I had a former boss, who was a mentor and even better friend to me pass away over the weekend and his funeral was yesterday and I wasn’t able to attend. And then to top it all off, my Dad texted me that my cousins husband had committed suicide. So we are talking about a lot of serious things here, but we are also talking about life.

Life is hard. As parents, we want to protect our kids from life. We want to shelter and try to protect them from the dangers and evils that lurk out there. As child, we want our independence and freedom to test the water and see what we can and can not do. My Dad asked me last night how I would have handled letting my kids (it was a hypothetical) know about my friend’s death? I didn’t know? I haven’t been forced to share with them about life and death.  I haven’t had to do it, I know that I will soon. I know that I will have to tell them about their grandmother who was killed in a car accident, well before they were born. And then I’ll have to tell them what an amazing person that she was and how much she would have loved them and would have wanted to play and spend time with them.

As adults, we have challenges everyday. We have bills to pay. Stresses of finances, marriage, and everything else that could be thought of. But it is how we handle it, that separates us.

To my buddy that is separating from his wife. I am sorry. I am sorry that you were faced with that decision. I am sorry that things didn’t work out and that you’ve had to make this decision.

To my cousin, who’s husband committed suicide. I am truly sorry. No parent should ever have to tell their child that their spouse took their own life. There were demons there with him and he struggled for years, but there were other options. But to my cousin, I am sorry for your loss.

And to my friend that past away. You have made an impression on my life, that will never go away. You taught and shared words of encouragement, when I really needed them. You showed me the importance of leadership and how to be firm, but more importantly fair with people.

Life. Life is a thing that isn’t explained. Today, we have. Right now, we have. But life, it is how we choose to live it. And that is what I hope to leave my children with. That living life everyday to the fullest is one of the most important things that they can do. Live for today. Live for right now. Live for family and friends.

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Love is patient, love is kind.

How many times have you heard that at a wedding? But have you thought about it as it pertains to your kids? With twins, usually if one kid is sick, the other kid will get it too.

This morning, I was cooking breakast, listening to Miles Davis as the kids were playing. Baby A was getting over the croup cough and a fever and Baby B was coming down with a fever. And as I cooked, I thought of a familiar Bible verse and I thought about it in a completely different way:

love is patient, love is kind

Baby A was trying us, he was tired, he was fussy, he was trying to fight with his brother who was fighting a fever and I was trying to cook breakfast and the kids were fighting on sofa and it hit me

Love is patient, love is kind

and it can really mean multiple things at different times in our lives.  It can be a bible verse that is read during your wedding, in times of trouble, I have even heard that verse read at a funeral, but not once have I read/heard that verse rreferenced to child raising.

Today was a trying day.  One kid that was on the minds, one kid that was fighting a fever and my patience was really being tested.  I was struggling to be able to cook and do a little cleaning while the boys were fighting. But, as I thought about the verse, the word that hit me the hardest was love. Because without love, there is no patience. Without love, none of this happens.

So as we get one boy over a sickness and another through the sickness, love remains.

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I don’t do this very often, so I apologize but this morning, I just felt that I needed to blog about this. Facebook can be a wonderful tool. But it can also be a way to keep in touch with friends and old classmates that you haven’t seen or talked with in years.

Two nights ago I saw a lot of facebook statuses asking prayers for a girl named Melissa. Based on which friends were posting these updates, I wasn’t exactly sure who Melissa was? My high school was not that big, but we had a decent class size. Well, last night I found out which Melissa everyone was praying for and why.

She was a mother of 6. That is right, 6 kids ranging from 16 to 2. But two nights ago after a family dinner, she was in a car accident with her husband and children and she sustained injuries that left her dead. 6 kids. A husband. Parents and friends are all left asking why?

I am not going to lie, I don’t remember Melissa. She was a year behind me and if she did not play sports, I probably spoke in the hallways and that was it. But today, we have something in common. We have little kids. And the thought of her husband having to explain death to their children breaks my heart.

So today, if you believe or pray, could you say a little prayer for Melissa and her family? Her family has a long and hurtful road ahead of them and they need all the help that they can get.

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Changing leavesJust like the leaves are changing and the seasons are changing, I am finding the need to make some changes in my life too. And today seems like a greT day to start.

1) lose weight – I need to lose 30 pounds atleast, but probably more  I want to be around for my kids.  So today I walked about 10,000 steps, and continued to modify my diet by implementing a morning Beachbody Shakeology Shake.

2) find a church home – This has really bothered me, just as much as the being overweight.  I miss the church and fellowship that I had when I was in Texas and it is something that I want my kids to  have as they grow up.

3) better financial position – This is a constant struge for most Americans.  One minute I feel that we are moving in the right direction, the next I am up all night worrying.  My wife and I are really focused on getting out of debt and have been throwing all the extra cash that we can at paying down credit card debt.  But, if we can get all of our debt paid off in 2 years, we should be able to save enough to pay for all 4 years of college for both boys and increase our 401k contributions from 8 to 12%+!

4) technology- My job and life revolves around technology  so this is going to be hard.  But I really want to cut back on my usage and dependency on technology.  This is crucial because I constantly get emails, text messages, calls, etc and everytime one of those messages comes in at night, it takes away from my kids.

These are a lot of changes and I realize that.  But i have asked several friends and my wife to help keep me accountable and focused.  So as the seasons are changing and the leaves have started to slowly change colors, I too am changing and I hope that these changes are for the best and for my sons.

 

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The definition of the word Faith is:

1) strong belief or trust in someone or 2) something or  belief in the existence of God : strong religious feelings or beliefs – according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

Faith means so much to so many different people and I remember that growing up, this was a word that my father used a lot and in many different contexts.   But one of the primary ways that he would use, was when he would quote the movie Hogans Heroes and the quote went like this:

Oddball: [looking at aerial pics of the a remaining bridge] Beautiful.
Moriarty: suppose the bridge ain’t there?
Oddball: [groans] Don’t hit me with them negative waves so early in the morning. Think the bridge will be there and it will be there. It’s a mother, beautiful bridge, and it’s gonna be there. Ok?
Oddball: [Later: Oddball is looking through binoculars at the bridge] Still up!
Oddball: [planes fly and bomb the bridge] … No it ain’t. See what sending out them negative waves did, Moriarty?
Moriarty: That ain’t my fault, Oddball, I’ve done nothing but have good thoughts about that damn bridge ever since we left!

For my Dad, he related faith to the bridge, that the bridge would be there because he believed it. I remembered him saying this time and time again as I grew up. I remember talking with my Dad right before my parents separated and I asked how he was doing and he semi-smiled and said “I have faith, because I know that the bridge will be there tomorrow when I wake up.”

As I have grown up, I’ve viewed Faith in many different ways, but this morning, before I even left for work, I found myself telling my wife, “you gotta believe that the bridge is going to be there.” She was so confused, but it made total sense to me and I just had to smile. You see, in the last 24 hours the following has occurred:

  1. A job that I really wanted, fell through. We were too far apart in salary requirements. And it would have required us to relocate and to a place that I really wanted to move to.
  2. A good friend found out that she has Stage 4 Cancer and has 2 – 6 months left to live.
  3. As I walked to my Jeep this morning, a neighbor informed me that she side swiped me.

Most of yesterday and last night and even into this morning, I was really bummed out about the job. I had really hoped that it was going to work out, for a lot of reasons, but it didn’t. My friend, I am just at a loss for words for that and for her family. And by the time I got outside to talk with the neighbor, I just had to laugh. I had to laugh, because crying was not an option.

As I walked away from looking at the damage on my Jeep, I went and helped put the kids in the van and was talking to the boys. Baby A asked if I was mad because my Jeep had a boo boo?  I just smiled and said “no buddy, I’m not mad, because the bridge will be there tomorrow, because I have faith.” Did he understand what I was saying? Nope. But it helped me and I hope that it showed him that I didn’t get upset, lose my cool or get mad. And I hope that as the boys grow up, they see that I live a life of faith and that it helps guide my daily life and how I conduct myself and I hope that it serves as a model for them as they grow up.

 

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