November 2016

Failure is a word that I have used several times today to describe how I felt today. And yes, maybe failure is a strong word, but that is how I feel. I feel that I have failed my sons in someway, that I haven’t been able to help them as much as I should maybe, because that is the only explanation I have when both boys had bad days at school yesterday.

I don’t know if it is the adjustment back to school schedules from the Thanksgiving break or what, but Monday was great for the boys, but Tuesday, not so much. Boy A’s teacher emailed us last night letting us know that he didn’t finish his work and that he kicked a chair because he was frustrated and threw a pencil. THREW A PENCIL! Seriously? At 5? Not acceptable.

So that was one kid, Boy B got upset because a guest speaker came in and it completely threw his day off. Stomped his feet. Argued with his teacher. And it was just not a good day. The teacher called us 5 minutes after I walked in and filled us in on his day. Again, not acceptable, granted, there is a specific reason that we are dealing with as to why he behaved that way, but now we have to figure out a way to get him the help that he needs to help control his temper and his actions.

Today, I feel like a failure and that I have failed them with providing them with certain guidance and tools to help control their emotions. I know that I am doing all that I can and what is best for them, but right now, in this very moment, I feel that I am a failure.

But for now, as I sit at the office, I have time to work through this feeling. On my drive home tonight, I will have time to work through this feeling of failure. But as I walk into the house tonight, I need to hug both of them and talk with them about our expectations.

There will be a few new changes to the boys after school routine going forward.
1) There will be no more tv during the week. We usually give them 30 minutes to watch tv and relax after work. No more. Or at least not until things change. 2) No more seeing friends after school.
3) 30 minutes of free time and then it will be time to do homework, cleaning up toys and preparing for dinner and then bed.

As I type this, I still feel like I have failed them, but my hope is that as I walk into the house tonight, that I am able to realize, that I am preparing them for life and giving them the tools that they need to succeed.

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Post Thanksgiving and we survived. This was the first time that we had ever hosted Thanksgiving for our family and I have to say, it all went off without any problems.

The boys did well throughout the day and didn’t really require a lot of attention and they even helped us get things ready. The boys all in all had a great day and it seems to have come and gone really quickly. And now that I’m working on cleaning up dishes and putting away chairs, I thought that I would just sit and rest for a minute.

Today, I am thankful for healthy little boys, who everyday seem to amaze me just a little bit more with their continue growth, but physically but more importantly mentally and personality wise. I am truly blessed to have two really cool kids, who in their own right, do really amazing things. Today, I am thankful that we have live in a great country, that has great military that protects our freedoms, both domestically and afar.

This post Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for so many things, to include a few minutes to type this up as the boys are downstairs playing. And now, we take today to regroup and rest and tomorrow, we head out to pick out two Christmas trees.

 

 

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It is amazing what you can remember some days, but when I was a kid, my mom bought me a worry stone and I was allowed to use it when I felt anxious. Well, Boy B has talked a lot lately about feeling anxious and it hit me this morning after walking him to the bus, why not try a worry stone.

So while drinking another cup of coffee this morning, I thought that I would do a few quick searches and see if I could come up with a way to make my own worry stones for the boys, because then they could color them and really make them their own. Besides, my mother gave me a worry stone that was a rock and I just see that going through a window or against his brother’s head. So, here are some great resource that I found this morning, not just for the worry stone, but also for other things that can be made at home if you have anxious children.

The School Counseling Files – The Mind Jar idea and Fidget tools were awesome and will probably be made this weekend here. I’ve been having the boys to draw and color when they are frustrated or upset and use that as a way to deflect their anger.

Behavioral Interventions – Here is the worry stone that we are going to make this weekend. And I have a feeling that the boys are going to love doing this. Not only from the texture stand point, but being able to color and personalize their own worry stones.

Pinterest – what doesn’t Pinterest have?

Creative Elementary School Counselor – Here is another blog post about worry stones and how to make them at home.

I hope that these resources will be of assistance and once we finish the boys worry stones this weekend, I will post a photo of the final product and hopefully report back that some of these things have helped calm Boy B down a little and helped with his anxiety.

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We had our first parent teacher conference this year with the boys, to just get a status update for their first year of Kindergarten.  The conference was beyond eye opening and really beneficial, in hearing about the boys progress from both boys. But, the one glaring thing was that I see myself in Boy B. And it was really eye opening.

As a child and probably even more today, I needed/need structure in my day. I needed to know my schedule, as I do today. And when my schedule at home is changed today, it throws me off and sometimes, it throws me off big time. And as the teacher talked about Boy B and how he was having a hard time when the routine changed and when his schedule changed, it threw him. And all I kept thinking was, “I see myself in him.” And since that night, I’ve seen more things that I were subtle, but now appear to be not so subtle.

Growing up, when I would get frustrated, I would have to run. I would run around the house or wherever we were. But, I also got in trouble a lot too because of my frustration. I made a decision the day that the boys were put into my arms, that I wouldn’t discipline the boys, the way that I was. I wouldn’t react, but instead I would listen and try to reason, whenever possible.  And one thing that I was able to figure out, is that when I reason with Boy B and I get down to his level and point to my nose, he can snap out of his frustrations.

So as the teacher and I were talking about my childhood and the similarities became really clear, it became really oblivious that we were going to need some additional help.  The fact is, from an academic stand point, he is off the charts. He understands, remembers, comprehends, etc at or above expectations, but his outburst due to changes is holding him back. Funny, my mom said the same thing about me when I was his age, the difference was that I wasn’t a twin and they didn’t have names for disorders like they do today. And understand, I am not a Doctor nor do I pretend to be one, but I think that we know what we are dealing with and no, it isn’t Autism or anything like that. But whatever it is that we are dealing with, it is a mild case.

So, if all goes well, we will be seeing the Pediatrician next week in hopes to get some more answers, so that we can get him the tools that he needs. Because as I laid in bed the night after the conference, I kept saying how much I see myself in him and how I don’t want him to struggle with some of the things that I have, because of my inability to transition with changes to my schedule.

 

 

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Election night of 2016 has come and gone and we have a new President Elect. As a lover of politics, this election caught me off guard, but not to the same degree as it did to others. I thought that Hillary Clinton was going to win, but would have only won by a few points. But at the same time, I wasn’t going to be shocked had Trump would have won either.

But as a parent, the boys have started to get a better understanding of politics and that we have a President. And on election night, as I settled in for the night to begin watching returns to begin flowing in, the boys began really asking a lot of questions. As we talked through the process of how people voted and why, I could see it was slowly starting to click.

Keeping my personal politics out of the conversations with the boys, it was great to see how intrigued the boys were to learn more about our government and the process. And when on Wednesday morning, I told them that Donald Trump had won the election and that he would be our next President, it was neat to ask questions about the transition process and to have them ask questions about previous Presidents.

I hope that these talks with the boys inspires them and continues their interests in politics.

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