September 2015

Sometimes in life, we have to all be calm and peaceful, even in the most difficult of times. With Boy B, transitions can and sometimes still are hard on him. Some days, he can roll with the transitions and we are good, then others, especially if he is hungry, they are harder.

About a year ago, I tried something with Boy B and it somehow has worked and worked really well and it is just something that is between he and I. But if he is getting worked up or anxious or or a struggle with a transition, I would simply point to my nose and he would stop. He would stop and would walk over to me, put his nose to mine and then I would start by saying “Be calm and peaceful” and he would take a deep breath and we would talk about what was going on. Somehow, this has really worked and worked well. And the funny thing, is that he only really does this with me, but by simply touching my nose and then him coming to me, his entire demeanor changes.

So last night, while doing FaceTime with a friend, who was going through some dating struggles (that God I’m not dating anymore), Baby B walked over and simply said, “Be calm and be peaceful” and then there was a dramatic pause and he finished with “Like the Great White Shark!” And I couldn’t help but laugh and laugh to the point of almost being in tears.

There is something about the phrase, be calm and be peaceful that even quietly saying it, seems to bring a sense of peace and comfort. And for me, being able to have this connection with my son, that I can calmly and quietly get his attention and get him refocused, is just awesome. I don’t have to raise my voice or get upset. I just have to touch my nose and he knows that it is time to be calm and peaceful.

 

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Vacation has come and gone and as I sit in my office, I miss the time that I had with the boys at the beach. I miss the laughing, the relaxation and just being with them during the day.

Our vacation each year, usually includes a week at the beach, mostly at the beach, but this year, we decided to mix in a little education into the trip as well. So the middle of last week, we took the boys to the Aquarium that was about 15 minutes from the beach house and let them walk around and touch sting rays, crabs, etc. and they had a blast. But I think that the highlight from that day was walking out and seeing the Blue Angels doing their practice runs for the day. Now whenever the boys see a plane, they ask if it is one of the Blue Angels. I get it, growing up, most guys wanted to be either a professional athlete or a fighter pilot.

But the thing that I realized the most is that the boys are growing up. They are doing more and more for themselves and becoming even more independent. Boy B decided that he liked Turkey sandwiches with mustard, who knew? Boy A got the courage up to dive into the pool and both learned how to boogie board. And what I saw more than anything, was that they were determined to not only try these new things, but if they got knocked down, they immediately jumped up and tried again.  This determination will only carry them further in life. This determination that they learned before vacation, but which only grew stronger will be something that will help mold their personalities.

Our family vacation had it’s challenges, but all in all, the boys had a great time.

 

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Goodbyes are never easy, especially when you have to deal with deaths and that is what happened yesterday. My wife had to say goodbye to her grandmother, someone who was the rock of their family and who took care of everyone and never once thought of herself.

Today marks a new day in our lives a day with out Grandma. A day when hurt and pain, takes over and controls the loss, but that the memories are and will forever be there and strong. Grandma was an amazing woman, who put everyone else first and herself last. She would offer advice when asked and sometimes when you didn’t. She would give you a look to let you know that you needed to knock it off or a smile to let you know that it was ok.

Goodbyes are hard, plan and simple and tonight, after the kids get home from school, we will sit them down and explain that Grandma has died and is no longer here. Trying to explain death to a 4 year old, is not something that I had really wanted to do, but death is part of life. And I think that part of my issue with explaining it to the boys, is that I to some degree do not understand death myself. I mean, logically, yes, I understand death, but big picture, it is an unknown and unknowns scare me.

I remember after my Grandfather passed away, my father pulled me aside and tried to explain death to me and from what little I remember, it did not make any sense what so ever, but I do remember one thing and that was this, “let’s say our goodbyes, as we’ll see him again one day.” And that statement provided a great deal of hurt and frustration, but more importantly, comfort.

Grandma, you will be missed. You took on the role of my Grandma too, shortly after my Grandmother passed away from Alzheimer’s and I remember you putting your arms around me and telling me that I would see her again. I will always remember how you would have a Coconut cake waiting on me when you knew that I would be there, as that was what my Grandmother always made me. You were the rock of the family and the one that we all looked to for guidance and approval. You will be missed, but you are no longer in any pain. But this isn’t me saying my goodbyes, this is me saying that I’ll see you one day again.

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You really should not laugh at your kids, but sometimes, they just say things that are really funny and at a point in time where you just need a laugh. So, there is a back story here.

Most Sunday mornings, the boys and I are ready for church within about 20 – 25 minutes and we get ready and head off to the van and wait. We wait for my wife and sometimes, it takes a while, a long while.  And I’m not complaining, but 20 – 30 min waiting sometimes does get frustrating. So a month or two ago, I was in a quick witting mood and cued up the song Waitin’ On A Woman (see below) by Brad Paisley and as my wife got in the van, the boys and I sang along with Brad. She would give me the even look, the boys would laugh and we would bump fists and off to church we go.

Well, this was done several times, usually before church and then I had forgotten about it. So last night, the boys and I read our night time story from Winnie The Pooh and as they were getting settled down, Boy B looked out the window for his mom and asked where she was? I started my reply of “She is at work….” and before I could say that she would be home soon, Boy A chimed in that we were just Waitin’ On A Woman. And it was at that moment that I lost it. I laughed so hard until I cried, literally.

The reality is very simple, every guy has spent time Waitin’ On A Woman and I might as well teach the boys a solid life lesson now while they are young, because they too will be waiting one day. But, if you get the right girl, then Waitin’ On A Woman is worth it.


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