January 2015

Today has been a day of frustrations. I have worked over 9 hours, which was 9 hours more than I wanted to work today.  I worked last night for 3 hours and was up at 6 am this morning to make additional updates on a corporate website. And then throughout the day I would make updates and with each update, the frustrations would mount.

What I realized throughout my day was that was that I am doing things that I wasn’t intending to do. Meaning, I wasn’t planning on doing additional work on the weekends, but somehow, I am. And the frustrations mounted.

Years ago, I swore that I wouldn’t take time away from the boys and today, I did. I took their time away to update a corporate website and it hit me and it hit me hard. I’ve really tried to make an effort not to allow my work to take away my time with the boys and it has. So as I type this blog post ,the boys are asleep and I think, that after 9 hours of work this weekend and that is just Friday night into Saturday, that I’ve gotten the majority of the updates completed.

But as I was rocking the boys and trying to keep my frustrations at bay, Baby A started singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, somehow made today better.

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Ever feel like your life is sliding out of control? I have, heck, I have this week.  To say that this has been a hard week, might be one of the biggest understatement for the week for me.

Just a few things that have happened: My mother in law died 6 years ago Monday,  yesterday I needed a Pep Talk from the boys, and today I was literally sliding while driving home.  I am done with this week.  I am done with the stress, the surprises, the snow, the emotions, the hurt and pain, I am just done with it all.

Work has been pretty stressful lately with trying to get a major campaign launched at work, but also when things go wrong, I am the one that people look to first to resolve the problem.  My wife has had to lean more on me this week while dealing with her Mom’s death and I have been trying to deal with it as well myself. I have questioned a lot this week about everything. And I have asked more questions of myself and life this week. And at the end of the day, I have realized that no matter what, my day wasn’t as bad as someone that has cancer or just getting news that they were dying.

Perspective? Sure, I got it. I work at a hospital and day in and day out, I see people who’s day is 100 times worse than mine.  Today, I left work early because I found out that our roads were not in the best of condition due to 3+ inches of snow that was falling. I picked up the kids early from school and we were literally sliding down on the road. Scared? HELL yes! We slid on two roads. The boys loved it, I was scared to death. We were sliding down the hill to our house and I felt like I have this entire week, out of control. And when I say that we were sliding down the hill, I mean, literally we were sliding down the hill and into a parking spot. Scared me to death.

But I was able to get the boys home and in the house and we were safe! SAFE, a word that I had not thought of all week. My boys were SAFE at home. My wife was able to get home and she too was SAFE and at some point, my day was not sliding anymore.

My world is my family. The week that we have had, has been really hard both emotionally and also physically. Dealing or not dealing with my mother in law’s death has been hard. And I say not dealing with her death, because I don’t know that I ever did,  but that is a blog for another time. My point is this, my life was sliding out of control this week. And for a few days, it bothered me. I was selfish. I focused on all of the outside factors in my life, but what I missed was simple, my worse days of sliding out of control doesn’t compare to the person finding out that they have cancer. It doesn’t compare to the family hearing that their loved one is dying or the family that has State Troopers on their door step asking to come, because they need to talk with them about their loved one that was in an accident and didn’t make it.

My worst day this week, doesn’t compare. Sure, I felt like my life was sliding out of control and maybe it was. But I got to hug and kiss my boys today. I got to hug and kiss my wife tonight. Work is work. But my life, though I was literally sliding out of control today, was not as bad as many others experienced today.

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Every morning on the way to school, I give the boys their little pep talk for the day. Nothing too heavy, just a remind of things to do for the day, like listening to their teacher, playing well with the other kids, etc. But something happened today on the drive that left me a little speechless.

So we were about a mile from the house and I looked in the rear view mirror and started giving them their pep talk. And as I’m talking, the boys are either nodding or saying ok or yes sir. I told Baby B that I wanted him to really listen to his teach today, as lately he has been pushing his boundaries. And then I looked over at Baby A and asked that he watch after his brother today and to make sure that he was ok. And he quickly responded with “No problem Daddy. I love my little brother.” Well there you have it kids, he didn’t stop and think he just responded.

But that wasn’t the thing that left me speechless. I’ve hit a rough patch at work and have really been struggling with a few things that have been going on lately. And I have been really questioning a lot of things lately, i.e. my place here at the company, the state we live in, etc. And as we pulled into the school parking lot, I smiled and told both boys that I wanted them to have a great day at school and to play hard. And before I could even open my door to get the boys out, Baby A decided to give me a pep talk. He smiled and told me that he wanted me to play hard at work today and that he wanted me to do my best.

Speechless.

I didn’t know if I should just say ok or yes sir or cry? I think that I kind of did all 3 to be honest.

But as I hugged the boys and got back in my jeep, I couldn’t help but think of Baby A’s pep talk. Dealing with or having not really completely dealt with my mother in laws death, work, life, etc. has just really gotten to me lately. I am not afraid to admit it, I’m human and all that crap got to me and it a lot to deal with, especially when you have little kids. But his pep talk made sense in someway and has given me a lot to think about.

So today, thanks to my kids, I’ll play a little harder at work and will try to have a little more fun today.

Thanks son for the much needed pep talk.

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It was 6 years ago today that my mother in law was killed in a car accident and it seems just like yesterday. There are so many things about that day that I’ll never be able to forget.

  • Getting the call from my father in law after lunch.
  • Having to tell my wife of 3 months that her mom, her best friend was dead.
  • Calling my mom, because she and my mother in law were close. But because I also needed support.
  • Hearing from a close friend that is a psychologist, that life doesn’t return to “normal” for at least 5 years and he was right on that.
  • Knowing that one of the things we loved the most, snow, was the factor in her death.
  • Driving 40 miles in snow at a snails pace, just to get my wife to her dad.
  • The outpouring of friends and family at a time that when we needed them the most.

6 years later and the pain is still there. 6 years later and even though it hurts less than last year, it still hurts. It hurts knowing that she’ll never see my boys, play with them, and love them. It hurt like hell yesterday hearing Baby A call my father in law’s girlfriend Grandma for the first time. He doesn’t know and understand, he just knows that there should be a Grandma if there is a Grandpa.

Today, I remember the laughs, the smiles, the hugs. I remember the long talks about life and future plans and what our family will do and where we will go. I remember that I could always try out a new joke and would immediately know if it was a hit or not by how far she would spit the drink in your mouth. I remember her looking down at your watch as we walked into church late. I will remember that last lunch, how I wish we had spent more time with her that day.

6 years really seems like a long time.

I love and miss you Moms. I know that you are watching down on us and I know that you are smiling down at your grandsons. Oh how you would have loved spoiling them.

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Sometimes in life, we find Grace when we least expect it and today was one of those days.

This morning, I was on the phone with my mom and shared a story about one of her friends that is a teacher and how her 6 year old son was just diagnosed with bone cancer. Around 8am this morning a friend of mine went in for a surgical procedure and needed prayers for healing. And I just read on Facebook that a friend of a friend just gave birth to a little boy, only to have 2 days later him die.

It is hard for me as a parent to hear of a child dying. I just can’t handle it. It is hard for me as a parent to hear that another parent has to witness their child going through chemo for cancer. It is hard for me as a friend, to watch a friend go through surgery. But as hard as it is for me to witness these things, it is 100 times harder for the person or parents going through it.

Today, for whatever reason has been a struggle. I am tired, I was up from 2:30 until with the boys. I have had a hard few weeks at work. I have felt day in and day out, that I’m just trying to get to tomorrow and I can enjoy a day off. I have been short, I have been frustrated, I have just been barely making it some days, but as I dropped the boys off at school this morning, something happened. Something that usually doesn’t happen, but it was my Grace moment.

After signing the boys in, getting their coats and shoes off and put away, they both stayed beside me waiting to hug and give me a kiss goodbye. But this time, they both hugged me at the same time and for a moment, life was ok. For a moment, nothing mattered. For a moment, I experienced grace.

As I have sat in my office this morning, door closed and just trying to push my way through a large amount of work, I have thought back to that moment. I have thought to how they both individually hugged me and then then together gave me a big hug. And before I left, they both whispered “I love you”. What more can I ask for?

 

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Sometimes in life, we find ourselves falling down, both literally and figuratively.

Life can be hard, work, kids, family pressures, holidays, projects, home repairs, and the list just keeps on going. But it isn’t so much how these events happen or even when they happen, but is how we deal with these things as we are falling down. And it is my hope that as I go through life, as I go through the challenges of being a parent, of being a husband and most importantly a father, that my boys will see how I deal with life as I am falling down, but also how I get up.

My wife and I have both really crazy work lives and schedules, as we are both in the medical industry. I work on the Marketing/IT side and my wife works directly with families regarding end of life care. So there is a lot of stress and pressures from both sides.  Sure, it is hard at times, not seeing each other, adding additional work load for the other at home, etc. But, it is how we respond and deal with it, that is so important.  How we interact with each other, listen to each other help the other when they are falling down.

Last night, I was walking down the steps and was holding Baby B & while we were walking and he was making animal sounds, I slipped. I slipped and fell halfway down the steps with him. I was lucky, he didn’t get hurt. I was holding him in a way that was able to protect him from the fall and shield him from getting hurt. Myself on the other hand, I more than likely broke a thumb, my forearm took a beating and my back is hurting. But even though falling down the stairs is hard, physically and ego wise, I wanted to make sure that my son was ok, which he was. But I wanted him to see how I got up.  I didn’t get upset, I didn’t get mad. After checking him out good, I was able to realize that I was going to be in more pain than he was.

Falling down is part of life, literally.  But we have options. We can choose to sit and be upset about falling down or we can get up, wipe our pants off and do something to prevent that happening again.

 

 

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I know, it is past January 1 and everyone in the world sets their New Years Resolutions on January 1. And by January 3rd, most are already broken.

I went back and looked at the past two posts that I made on Resolutions which can be found here and here.  So the common theme is just like many, finances and weight loss. So, here are my goals:

1) Financial – Save $2,000 & pay off 2 more credit cards.

2) Weight Loss – As of today, I am down 22 pounds from last year today. That being said, I want to be down another 20 pounds by our summer vacation.

3) Find a church – This has been a huge struggle for me this past year. We haven’t been to church as we should/I’ve wanted to and it has been something that has been really missing in my life.

4) Be a better father – Again, something that we all say, but it is something that I really want to focus on. I want to teach my sons more. I want to be more loving and attentive, though I feel that I am, I feel that I can always improve.

So there, those are my Resolutions for 2015. I have talked with my wife and we are going to hold each other accountable with our resolutions and not just fall aside.

 

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I have been told by many parents that at some point, the question “Why” is asked every other minute. But what I am getting is less “why” and more “Daddy…..” and then followed up with a list of questions.

I was driving the boys home this weekend and literally every other minute I was asked a question that started with Daddy…..

Daddy, where is the car beside us going?
Daddy, when are we going to see Mommy?
Daddy, what is for dinner?
Daddy, are we going to the toy store?
Daddy, are we going to have pizza for dinner?

You get the idea.

Sure, I wanted to listen to the radio and rock out to some Wade Bowen, but instead, I listened to my kids ask me questions for 45 minutes and I loved it. I love that they want to learn. I love that they want to know more and trust me that I’m going to give them a good answer.

So last night, as I put the boys down and Baby A said Daddy….. it was simply followed with, I love you and then I closed the door and he and his brother went to sleep.

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Today the news broke that Stuart Scott, at the age of 49 and a long time ESPN announcer, lost his battle with cancer. As any sports fan, father and human being, the news stung. Growing up, I watched Stuart Scott everyday on ESPN and watched him because not only the one liners, but his human approach to stories.  Sure his catch phrases “As cool as the other side of the pillow” were used on a regular basis, he was more than just a sports announcer, he was also a father.

I was fortunate to have met Stuart years ago and by that, I mean at least 12 + years ago when he was at a celebrity golf tournament. What struck me about him the most, was that it wasn’t just the fans that wanted to talk with him, but other celebrities wanted his time too. He was personable and felt like you were talking with a friend. And I only spoke with him for a few minutes, but when I did, we talked about UNC, where he graduated and where I grew up following and loving as a fan. He beamed when talking about UNC basketball and his thoughts for the upcoming year. And as it was his time to tee up, he shook my hand and thanked me for talking about UNC, a place he loved.

Today, as many have done, I’ve watched Stuart’s ESPY video and recounted the his words, because they ring so very true:

“When you die it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.”

We are all defined in how we choose to live our lives and when advisory hits, you can either give up or fight and that is what Stuart Scott did, he fault cancer and he fault for his family.


And as friends of Stuart’s pour out their hearts and emotions on Twitter, Facebook and other social media outlets, it was Rich Eisen’s emotional farewell to his friend that was the hardest for me.


The reality is this, at some point in time, we will all be faced with the fact that someone we love or us for that matter, will be faced with Cancer. It is just a fact. So tonight, in  honor of Stuart Scott, I’ll be making a donation to the Jimmy V Foundation, the same foundation that was started by and in honor of Jimmy Valvano, head coach of NC State University, but also who awarded Stuart the award last year. It is my hope and prayer that through the research that the Jimmy V Foundation is currently doing, that one day, Cancer will be a word that is no longer used and that no more lives are lost to.

Tonight, Stuart, as I say a prayer for you and more importantly your young daughters and your family, I will ask God for peace and strength for them. That they may remember the positives and remember the lives that he touched. And tonight, I’ll turn my pillow over to the cool side in your honor. Sleep easy tonight Stuart.

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For the last 10 Days, my wife has been sick with an upper respiratory infection and for the last 7 days, I’ve been dealing with the same thing. It has really been hard on our family, because we still had to take care of our kids, while trying to get better.

I like to believe that any situation that we are faced, both if it is something good or a challenge like being sick, that my wife and I can learn from it so that the next time, we are able to handle it even better. Because there will be a next time.

The things that we did well:

  • We communicated a lot when I was at work & if I needed to come home early or pick up the kids from daycare.
  • We took turns putting the boys to bed. This allowed for at least one to get an earlier start to resting.

The things that we didn’t do as well:

  • We got short with each other, which is understandable because we were sick and didn’t have the patience.
  • We didn’t ask for help as quickly when we needed it.

10 days being sick is a long time. And it is especially harder when you are sick with children. But one thing that we both learned, is that we were able to come through it, the boys were ok, I’m all but over mine and my wife is getting there.

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