July 2014

There are several people that I admire and look up and President George H Bush is one of those men. And after reading this article and watching the video, I think that it only solidifies that feeling even more.  And I thought that this answer in particular spoke to me:

I have learned from him the importance of service. My grandfather says he learned his passion for helping others from his mom. He wrote about this in a letter in 1997: “Early on, my mom gave us profound advice. It sounds simple now but when I became president I knew just how sound it was. Be honest. Tell the truth. Be kind. Care about the other guy — help him. Don’t look down on anyone. You have an obligation to help others.”

I liked this quote because, it is a simple and true value of life. Be kind to others and help them when they needed it. This sounds just like the advice that my Grandfather gave me recently. It is a simple truth.

But then again, President George H Bush and my Grandfather lived through a different time and generation. They lived through and served during World War II. They lived and witness Vietnam. They lived through really hard economic times. And they both have said the same things, Be Honest, Tell the Truth, Help others and don’t judge. Words to live by.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Please take a moment to read the entire interview by Jenna Bush Hager.

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As a child, I just wanted to be older. As I get older, I just wish that I were younger. Growing older has it’s perks, being able to do more things, but it has it’s downfalls, like responsibilities.

Growing older also shows how life really is and how we once viewed things, maybe not really be real. But it also shows up the important things in life. Possessions are not as important today as they were when I was 5.  So as I type this, I’m exchanging text messages with my God Father, who is going in for a major knee replacement surgery tomorrow. Normally, that big of a concern, however with his history of heart issues, he is going to be required to stay a few extra days in the hospital. But I realized as we were texting, that he was feeling the same as I was, concern, worried, hell, scared.

Growing older, these are the worries and concerns that our parents dealt with, not us. They shielded us from these worries, because we needed to play, not think about someone that I have known and loved for 35 years might not make it tomorrow through this surgery. The surgery is at a top medical facility in the US and has a team of Dr’s that are some of the brightest in the world, so even though I am nervous, I am confident that he will come out ok.

Growing older isn’t as fun as it seemed as a child.

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Grace can be defined by many ways, here are just a few from the Christianity section on About.com “Grace is God’s unmerited favor. It is kindness from God we don’t deserve. There is nothing we have done, nor can ever do to earn this favor. It is a gift from God. Grace is divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration (rebirth) or sanctification; a virtue coming from God; a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine favor.”

Things happen and we don’t know why. Things go wrong and you’ll often hear that that things happen for a reason, good or bad. Today was that day for my wife and I, as over the last few days we’ve talked a lot about her mom and her mom’s death.

  • My wife decided to visit the garden at the church that we attended and sit on the bench and have a few moments of quiet time.
  • While she was doing that, without talking with my wife, I was listening to the memorial service for her mom. I don’t know why, but I just had a feeling that I needed to listen to it today.
  • As my wife was sitting on the bench, she texted me to tell me where she was and I responded that I was listening to the sermon.
  • An hour later, a co-worker brought my wife a bottle of tea, as my wife looked at it, the name of the tea was the same name as her mom.

Were all of these things just odd and happenstance? Maybe, or maybe they were signs of Grace, a kindness that we don’t deserve?

Tonight, as I went to put the boys down, they were a little fussier than usual. They did not go down as fast as they normally do and that was ok, I was perfectly happy to rock them tonight. Tonight, I needed to hold them a little longer. Give them a few more kisses goodnight. And as I laid in the floor with Baby A, Baby B grabbed his pillow, bunny and blanket and snugged up to me on the floor. And as I watched him drift off to sleep, ever so peacefully, Baby A reached over and held my hand and he did so until he fell asleep.

For me, Grace is a gift. A gift that is done and provided so innocently. A gift that is given to us at a time that we need it the most. A gift that can sometimes not be explained. So, as I looked back on the day, the sermon especially, I thought about my wife’s mom’s death and thought about three of the most visible signs of Grace to me.

  1. How could God take my wife’s mother so soon. And yet, it is through Grace that we were not faced with having to make the difficult of end of life care decisions.
  2. I struggle in knowing that her mom will never know our children and yet, I take comfort through Grace, in feeling as they she has already met them.
  3. I weep when I think of the number of lives that she touched in her short time on earth and it is through Grace, that I take comfort in the fact that on the night of the visitation, over 1,500 people came to the church to spend 15 seconds with us and say a kind word or share a memory with us.

Grace. It is a small word that can mean so many different things to different people. But to me and especially today, Grace got me through a difficult day.

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My wife took the boys to my sisters house for a few days and it is way too quiet in the house. My routine is off. I don’t know what to do with my time.
I had planned on painting while they are gone, but I decided to have some quiet time instead.

I love and miss my boys, but I also am grateful for a little downtime to regroup and recharge.

 

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My wife and I have started couch dates. And let’s keep this PG here, but basically we have realized that we are not able to sit and talk like we did before the boys. So, once a week, we have couch dates, where we sit, have dinner and just talk.

But there are ground rules:

  • Limited talk about the boys. It isn’t that we don’t love them, but our focus is ALWAYS on them.
  • Discussion about finances is always a topic of conversation, but it is more of overview/recaps/where are we financially and are there any big items that we need to be aware of?
  • Recaps and planning ahead for the next week. Primarily my wife brings me up to speed with her week and when she is on call and when I am needed to be home first.

Before we were parents to two amazing little boys, we were a couple. We have to remain connected, even though there is a little bit more of a challenge as parents as the conversations change. But it can not always be about the boys. We have to maintain our relationship too, in order to remain a healthy couple for our kids.

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I am a firm believer that no matter the circumstance, you are never to old to learn a life lesson, even from your children. And just that thing happened this weekend when Baby A politely said to my wife and I, “Be Nice!”.

Be Nice. That is what my son told my wife and I as we were, disagreeing on something. Be Nice! Something that you think should be easy, but my son perceived us disagreeing as not being very nice to each other and I guess, in retrospect, we probably were not.

And lesson learned too. I really need to focus on when a situation arises where my wife and I do not agree, that we either table the discussion or step away and talk. But we can’t disagree to the point that voices are being raised in front of the boys, we really should be nice to each other, as that as what we are trying to teach the boys.

So today, I texted my wife with the simple phrase “Be Nice!” and tonight, when we get a chance to sit down and talk about the week, we can be nice and talk through things, as we will disagree from time to time, but it is how we handle it that will determine the outcome and the impression that it leaves on our boys.

So Be Nice!

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I think one of the hardest things about being a parent, is how exhausted you can become. Lack of sleep, work problems, home problems, everyday life, etc. and it can just take a lot out of you.

The difference I think, is now not how exhausted you become, but how as a father we handle it. This morning, I woke up after about 3 hours of sleep and all I wanted to do was go back to bed. I had rocked Baby A at some point because he had a nightmare, I was exhausted, my wife did not get off work until really late, and both boys were cranky.

I had two options, get frustrated or put into perspective that they are little kids trying to figure out life and how to respond and deal with things themselves.  And as my demeanor changed, so did the boys. They went from being cranky to sitting on the sofa and drinking their milk and as I sipped on my first morning cup of coffee, I became more relaxed.

Was I still exhausted, absolutely.  But I had to respond and hoped to set a good example. But being exhausted is hard with little kids. I have so much respect for single parents.

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Now that we are heavily into potty training, one of my biggest challenges is keeping the boys from peeing on the floor.

But as I think through it, sure, peeing on the floor isn’t good, but let’s be honest, guys do it all the time. Not paying attention, splashing, etc.

As I told my wife, let’s just be thankful I haven’t told them to pee and spell their name yet.

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Of course, in the 5 minutes that I go upstairs to vacuum the boys lay down for naps. We try so hard now not to encourage naps, but sometimes, they happen.

My mother is coming up to spend time with the boys and goto dinner with us. It is funny, because the boys only see her a few times a year, but they really know who she is. They talk about her and get excited in knowing that she is coming.

But secretively, I’m just excited because for just a few minutes of today, I can relax and be a son and don’t have to be in charge. I can let my mom step in and run the show.

So today, let’s all take naps, because when the boys wake up, their grandmother will be here and we can let the fun begin.

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Sometimes, life can be a challenge, but it is how we over come and deal with the challenge.

Sometimes, we have days that make us question things, but it is our faith that gets us through.

Sometimes, we have struggle to make sense of the unknown, but it is our trust in God that help us over come that struggle.

Sometimes, we need to need to find the goodness when it doesn’t seem to be any, and those are the days that I can walk in and the boys run and hug me and life seems to make sense.

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