Development

Bed time has become a challenge of late, for both boys actually. It seems that no matter how much we run them and tire them out, the boys just don’t seem ready to goto bed and they are starting to have separation anxiety when my wife leaves the room.

My wife and I have been alternating who leaves their room first at night to put them down and it seems that when my wife leaves the room first and I stay behind, the boys just have a fit. We have been playing music for them, reading to them, rubbing their backs, but bed time has really become a chore of late.

If anyone has suggestions, please feel free to share.

 

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Terrible twos have have nothing on the trying threes.

It is funny, because Baby A is throwing fits at the drop of a hat now. Screaming when he gets mad. And Baby B, he is just a chilled out kid.

But, what I’ve had to realize is that how I responded to the boys at the age of 2 when they misbehaved and how I have to respond now, is different. The boys are more mobile, can communicate with me regarding what is wrong and why they are upset. So, as they change in responding, so must I. It is my job not just to tell them that they did something wrong, but explain to them why it was wrong and what the consequences are for that behavior.

I love watching the boys grow up, I love watching them engage with my wife and myself in conversation and be able to share with us what is wrong. I really love that they are developing their own little personalities. But with that, comes the sometimes trying threes because they are only three and they are still learning and growing and trying to feel their way into the world.

Terrible twos and now the trying threes, bring it on. I’m ready to teach my boys how to grow up and deal with life. Face challenges and overcome them. Laugh when sometimes they just want to cry. Life isn’t fun and I guess that we are facing that with the trying threes.

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I was on Facebook over the weekend and saw the headline pop up in my news feed: 20 Tips for Creating a Family-Centered Life and it immediately caught my attention.

I think that in this day and time, even with the best of intentions, it is often hard to have a family-centered life. But, and this is important, but with a little effort, a lot of the things that were listed are definitely attainable.  I think that this list of 20 is awesome and could have gone even higher, but I wanted to reflect on some of these items individually.

1.    Mom and Dad have a consistent date night alone together at least once a month.  – This is HUGE! Parents, before you were parents, you were a couple. You have to have adult time. You have to remember why you came together in the first place to create this family. Without each other and working together, you become seperate units that will wake up one day and question why you are even together.

3.    Entire family gathers for dinner at least 3 times a week. – I grew up in a home that when I was young, we ate every night at the table and as my family grew apart, so did dinner time. My wife and I have it a point, to sit down with the boys every night at the dinner table while they eat. We try to eat at that same time as well, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. But if nothing else, we are there together, asking the boys questions, engaging with them and hopefully setting examples for when they have children. We usually put on some music, something low key, often times Jim Brickman.

9.    Dad prays with each of his children before they go to bed each night. – I FAIL at this one, big time. This is something that I have really struggled with and have tried to do better about. But this is a big one and one that I really want to do better on.

10.  Weekly church attendance. – Again, as a family we have FAILED this one. We were really diligent about this for the first 2 years of the boys lives, but the last 8 months, we just have falling into a pattern of not going. And a bad pattern at that. We’ve made excuses, but really at the end of the day, this is on my wife and myself. We’ve talked about doing better, but we have to talk less and get back into the habit of going.

12.  Dad’s job does not keep him working a lot of late nights or weekends. – When I am home, I am home. No work on the weekend or night, unless it is an emergency and thus far, there have not been any emergencies that could not wait until the next day or at least until after the boys goto bed.

13.  Entire family has at least one week of vacation time together per year.  – This is really important. This years vacation might look different, but we are still planning on getting away for a few days. It is important to have family time and even more importantly than that, to have family down time away from home.

17.  Dad personally knows all of his children’s teachers and is involved in the PTA. – I’ll go a step further than just school. I think that it is crucial for Dad’s to also goto their children’s doctor appointments. I’ve been to every Dr. appointment, except for 2 and I’ve been to every Parent Teacher conference for the boys. It is important as Dad’s to be involved in our children’s lives, because how can we expect to raise them, if we are missing information and not informed.

A family-centered life is an important foundation in my children’s lives. I hope that they will one day recognize how involved I am and will do the same when they have children.

 

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I knew that it would happen, just didn’t know when. But more importantly, I was wrong in who the conference would be for.

My wife and I have always said that Baby A would be in trouble for talking too much in class. But, how wrong I was. We had a parent teacher conference last night for Baby B and things that the teachers have observed thus far in the 2nd half of his preschool year.   All in all, it was not a shock, but somethings that were said almost brought me to tears. Not because he is doing anything wrong, but because he has needed extra attention from the teachers.

I try to remind myself over and over again, they are two separate kids and last night, I did the same thing to the teachers.  They are twins. They were born early. They are boys. All things that lead to developmental issues/challenges. And as we deal with this one, which is just really starting to set and define more structure for Baby B, I know that he will be just fine. As with his speech, it just took a little help and time to get him where he needed to be.

So, 1 parent teacher conference down, I’m sure there will be more in the future.

 

 

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Communication is critical in everything that we do today. Whether it is verbal or non-verbal, but it is really hard when communication is not always there.

With Baby B, the communication is getting there, but there is still a struggle. We have noticed that in the last 2 weeks, he has begun saying 15 new words. That is AWESOME. But, at the same time, his brother was able to tell us in detail when he fell down what hurt.  It is hard when your child hurts, but it makes it even more difficult when the communication is not easily spoken.

This is why we have focused so much on teaching the boys basic sign language. Both have already gotten please, thank you, more, and love you down pat.

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After a lot of debate, we broke down and signed the boys up for preschool.

My wife and I talked through their age, the schedule, etc. and if they were too young. And at the end of the day, we figured that if noting else, preschool would allow the boys a chance to interact with other little kids.

They will be attending a church preschool, which was also important, but this will be the first introduction to new little friends and school type structure.   There is a lot of focus on social interaction and development, sharing, playing and just being a kid in a safe environment.

I wasn’t thrilled on the cost, but at the same time, we were able to get a 10% discount because of enrolling two kids. And at the end of the day, can you really put a price tag on what your children can learn?

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With two boys, there is always a competition, even at the age of 2.  Who can talk the loudest. Who can say the first word. Who can run. Who can throw a ball the furthest. And the list goes on and on. But, I realized something this week, Baby B has done the majority of the major milestones first: rolling over, crawling, walking, talking and now, learning his alphabet. But, Baby B still isn’t talking as much as he needs to. Whereas Baby A, did everything second, but doesn’t stop talking. Ever.

Baby A can now piece together between 2 and 4 word sentences. He can ask for things. He can do simple tasks that we ask, giving things to his brother, picking up toys, etc. Baby B, well, he is getting there. But, Baby B walked up to me the other day and pointed to my St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital Hey St. Jude t-shirt and said “U”. So, I figured, why not just ask to point to other letters. I asked letter by letter, mixing up the order and each time, Baby B correctly pointed to each letter. The next night, I while wearing my University of Texas football t-shirt, I asked Baby B to point to the different letters, and each time, he got them right.

Each night, we ask the boys certain letters of the alphabet at dinner and often times they get them right. But, this was the first time that I had tried to ask specific letters of the alphabet and have him point to letters. So, even though he isn’t talking as much as he should, he is definitely pointing to the letters that are asked of him.

 

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We knew it. We had talked about it, but when the Dr. mentioned the words “Delayed Speech” at the boys 2 year check up, it hit me hard.

As a parent, you never want your children to suffer any pain or have struggles in life. So, when the Dr. suggested that Baby B should see a speech pathologist for delayed speech, it was hard.  I realize that you should never compare your children, but when you have twins, it is hard not to. It is hard not to look at one boy that is saying 3 word sentences and then look at the other and they are only making sounds and wonder if there is something wrong?

I had already made up my mind that if the Dr. did not bring up the speech problem, that I would. But it was obvious from just observing the boys in the office, that the Dr. quickly picked up that Baby A was doing all the talking and Baby B, well he was making sounds of letters and pointing at the Dinosaur (which he loves) and making Dinosaur sounds, but the words, just were not there. The Dr. tried to ask him questions and encourage him to speak and he wouldn’t say a word, just sounds. And that was when the Dr. turned and said, “I am not concerned, but, I think that he needs to see a speech pathologist.”

My heart sank. My mind went racing.

And then the Dr. quick put our concerns at ease. He calmed the worst of the fears by assuring us that he isn’t Autistic. He calmed our fears by figuring out that Baby A, he talks for both of them, so why should Baby B talk? And then he gave us suggestions, like separating them a little more and spending more 1 on 1 time together. Reading more at night. Less tv, even though their tv time is really limited.

So, I did like most parents would do on the drive home, I called my mom. Now, my mom has been an elementary school teacher for 42 years, so she has experience in this. And she did as any parent should do, she put my mind at ease. And then after I hung up with her, I walked around the grocery store for an hour, just trying to process it all. But in reality, there wasn’t anything to process. It isn’t like we are dealing with something major. I mean, it is important for him to get help and to start speaking sentences, but as I have found online, this isn’t an uncommon thing for the 2nd child of twins and especially twin boys.

The speech pathologist is coming out next week for the assessment. And until then, I ask questions and hope that he will start saying words on his own.

More to come.

// Resources //

Here were a few articles that I found to be very helpful >
Kids Health – Delayed Speech or Language Development
Parenting – Guide to Speech Delays
Baby Center – What Should I do if my 2-year-old doesn’t talk yet?

Disclaimer – I am not a Doctor and nor do I give out medical advice. I have stayed in a Holiday Inn, once, but still doesn’t qualify me to give any advice. Talk with your Doctor, as they actually went to school for this stuff. They can help you a lot more than I can.

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I was recently asked by a friend in the development world, if I wanted to do some freelance work. And I politely smiled and declined. And he couldn’t understand. He kept asking and trying to remind me how much I could make on the side doing freelance development at night. And he was right, the project that we were discussing would have been about $5,000 – $10,000 in additional income for my family.

But, it would have also meant, working about 100 – 150 hours at night, weekends, etc. and what does that really translate into? A lot of time without my boys. As much as the additional money would have been nice and come in handy, I love coming home at night and playing with the boys. I love being able to help give them baths at night, and read to them and just be with them. If I were to do freelance projects, I would not be able to do that. I would be working all day at my full time job, then coming in, kissing the boys and then start working. And honestly, it just isn’t worth it.

Maybe when the boys get older and we have more free time, I will looking into doing more freelance work, but today, I want to play with my boys.

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I’ve been developing websites now for over 10 years and I’ve wanted to try something new, developing an app. Nothing crazy. Nothing that I would ever try to sell through  either the Apple Store or Android Store. So, the time has come.

I have started laying the ground work for the first app that I am going to develop.  It will be children focused and hopefully can help parents. The idea behind the app is whether or not your child should go to the Emergency Room or not.  I am currently in the phase of planning out the development and what topics that I want to go in at launch and the basic look of the app.

The first major decision that I did make though for the app, was that I was doing a web based app and not one that is native to the phone. This was actually a pretty easy decision after looking at trying to develop two separate apps for the Droid and iPhone and iPad. So now that that decision has been made, the process becomes a little easier.

Once I get further alone in the development, I’ll share the app here.

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