April 2018

Tonsils be gone! We are now on our 4th round of strep throat for Boy B in less than 2 months and we have decided to have his tonsils taken out.

Since he was a little child, we have had the conversation at least yearly in regards of whether we should remove his tonsils or not? Well, after the last 6 weeks being as such, we were referred to a local ENT & he took one look and said “well those need to come out!”

The thought of putting my son under anesthesia scares the hell out of me, but the saving graces are that it is a very short amount of time (less than 15 minutes) and the benefits out weigh the cons. To see my son go through 4 rounds of strep throat in such a short amount of time has been tough. It is hard to watch him swallow.

The Doctor spent a lot of time talking with my son about the procedure and the ice cream that he will be getting afterwards, but it is tough because for 1 – 2 weeks, it will be rough for him. And on us too for that matter. But again, the benefits of taking the tonsils out now as opposed to waiting until he is older is greater. He can’t seem to break the cycle of strep throat right now.

So, as we prepare and we continue to talk with my son about the procedure, he is starting to get why he is having surgery and that he no longer wants to be sick with strep.

So tonsils, be gone!

 

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I have been bothered lately by anxiety. Let me rephrase that, for the first time in my life, I am understanding that I struggle with anxiety and I’m trying to get help for it.

Anxiety is an emotion caused by a belief in potential loss

Reading that 1 simple line at church hit me like a ton of bricks!   For years, I have struggled with letting things get to me, but not knowing how to process or effectively deal with the issues. I would internalize things to the point, that I would blow up and be completely stressed out.

Buy why? What was causing all of this? Honestly, I still don’t know for sure? I do know that I’m trying to figure out why I am unable to relax. Unable to deal with certain things.

Anxiety for some, is much worse that what I deal with. But, it is very real for me. I have had several people in the last several months comment that I was working my way to a heart attack. That scared the hell out of me. Friends and co-workers, people that I spend a lot of time with, were seeing what I could not. They recognized a change in me that was not good. They saw how tired I looked, which then I would have to talk about not sleeping.

Oh right, part of my anxiety is that I’m not sleeping either. If I get 2-3 hours a night, I’m doing good. But in rereading that line from church, the part that hit me was the part about the belief in a potential loss.

So what am I afraid of losing? Friends? Family? Relationships? Not sure? But something is causing me to be anxious a lot more than I should.

I have recognized that after seeing the movie I Can Only Imagine, that I have realized things from my childhood that I did not deal with. Whether on purpose or not, I didn’t. So, maybe that could be it?

Regardless of what it is, I am for the first time trying to figure out a healthy solution, to deal with this problem.

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If you haven’t taken the time to go and see the new movie that was just released, I Can Only Imagine, you should. The song, which is based on the Christian band MercyMe and the life of Bart Millard.

The movie takes you from the lowest of the lows to the highest of highs and somewhere in between and without a doubt will change your life. Throughout the movie, I held my wife’s hand tighter, as I was seeing glimpse of my life on the movie screen.

As my wife walked out of the movie theater, we were both in silence and I could tell she wanted to ask me something. I could tell she was really struggling to find the right words, as she had tears just coming down her face. And it was after we cleared the building and were almost to the vehicle, she asked how much of that I had lived through?

Through tears and for the first time in my 11 year relationship with my wife, I discussed things about my childhood with her for the first time. And through the movie, it opened a dialogue and it gave me hope for the future and confirmed my thought that my past will not define me.

As I am learning on a daily basis, our past, does not mean that it will be our future. It can be, but if we choose to do something differently, we will. And in seeing the movie and seeing how the father was transformed into a better person, I just sat in awe.

Today, is a new day. A new chapter. The challenge is how do we live our life today?

 

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