January 2017

Dads, don’t ever lose sight in the importance of dating your spouse. Trust me on this one.

As with any relationship, you have your ups and downs. There are struggles with new born or in our case, two. And let’s not forget about being exhausted. Raising kids is a full time job and that doesn’t even factor in taking care of a house, a full time job, etc.

And why do I make this such a point, because I am guilty of it! I am guilty of not dating my wife after the boys were born. I am guilty of not putting her first and making more time for her. BUT, that has changed!!!!

In the last week, we have commented on how it feels like we are dating again. We are stealing kisses from each other in the kitchen. We are talking more and having real conversations, other than who is putting kids to bed or doing laundry.

There is a reason why you and your spouse are together, so focus on that. Do not let little things turn into big things and get in the way. Do not let time slip by and one day wake up and go “What in the hell am I doing?” Don’t let it be to late.

So this weekend, do something nice for your spouse. And if you aren’t, start dating them again. You’ll thank me for it one day, I know that I am glad that I took my own advice.

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Sons, I want you to listen to this one piece of advice, always think! Think before acting. Think before speaking. Think before doing. Thinking is a crucial part of growing up and adapting to life.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life because I didn’t stop to think before acting. I’ve lost friends and loved ones because I reacted first instead of stopping and thinking first. Now, not all of those losses were necessarily bad, but some where. Some I wish that I could go back in time and do differently.

As you grow up, you’ll make mistakes, just as we all have and continue to do. But, I ask you to do something that no one ever taught me to do, reflect on those mistakes and ask yourself one question. Ask yourself, would you do that again? Would you respond like that again? Would you act that same way? Would you treat that person the same way? If your answer is yes, then move on. If your answer is no, make amends with that person.

Think through your decisions first, that is a valuable piece of advice that I can give you as your father.

Recently, I made a mistake with your mother. Was it bad? Yes, yes it was. Could it have been worse, HECK YES! But did I learn something? YES! I learned a valuable lesson that I need to stop and think before acting. So, learn from my mistakes in life. Learn when you should act vs. react. And learn to stop and think before doing, trust me, it will save you a lot of headaches and heartaches in life.

Love, Dad

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I am ashamed.
I am ashamed in my behavior.I am ashamed in some poor choices that I have made.
I am ashamed at what I have done.

I will.
I will do better.
I will be a better father and more importantly husband.
I will communicate better.
I will be more loving and more supportive.
I WILL!

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I have asked the question lately to several friends and family that are educators, “what is normal?” And the answers that I have received by and large vary from the obvious to the not so obvious.

Just something to consider and think about. But as you observe children today, think about the child and what they go through. Think about the child and what their environment is like. And ask yourself, what is normal.

Because what is normal to you or I, might not be normal to someone else. So, before passing judgement on a situation, think about what is normal and how it might or might not relate to the child in question. And before being stupid and making a comment, stop and think.

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I usually pride myself with my ability to go on little sleep, but I think that it has finally caught up with me, as I am truly exhausted. I am run down and tired. I have no energy, but yet I have to do so much to do today.

Today, as I stare out and look at the snow and the amount of work that needs to be done in the house, I would rather go sit by the fire, enjoy a glass of wine and just relax & take a nap, but I don’t see that as an option. So, here is my day:

  1. Christmas Trees – yes, we have 2 live trees, undecorate and get ready for removal from the house tomorrow.
  2. Dishes – I did a light meal last night and should be almost done with dishes for the day.
  3. Unclutter the kitchen – I really don’t have to per say unclutter the kitchen, but I’ve just got a new cookware set, so I need to get rid of stuff that I don’t need anymore. I would love to reorganize some cabinets, but I don’t foresee that happening this weekend.
  4. Laundry – With 2 boys, this is an every challenging thing to stay on top of. But, I’ve come up with a system, that thus far has worked pretty well. I wash the boys clothes and mine and my wife takes care of hers.
  5. Cook – Even though we have a short week at home, I still need to meal prep for the week. This both saves time and a lot of money and it helps me stay focus on my weight loss.
  6. General Cleaning – Just the normal stuff, like floors, bathrooms and just normal straightening up.

So there is a lot to do today and even though, I would give anything to sit and do nothing, it just isn’t feasible. But, if I can break things up into tiny chores, then rest, that might be the answer? Oh and the kids are dying to go and play outside in the snow. So here is to another weekend. Exhausted? Yeah and looking at the list of things to do today isn’t making that exhaustion go away either.

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As a kid, I loved my school break, I mean, loved it! As a parent, I truly hate my kids school break. Selfishly of course, but it has totally messed their schedules up. And for their teachers, they need the break, so I get it.

I have noticed a big difference with Boy B, both before their break and now after and it has been a struggle getting him back on track. Now, that being said, there are other factors, but my point is that the 2 week break has set him back. It has been harder for him to focus and to adjust to the routine of going to school as well. We did keep them on the same bed time schedule while they were out of school as well.

We have had to do a lot of things to ensure that his schedule is on track and spending time, calming him down if his schedule changes.  These are all things that we have to be very in tone with him and what his needs are. Does this add a layer of stress or complexity to our lives? A little. But what it does, in my opinion, is make us better parents.

So today, even though there is no school, we are keeping his lunch schedule the exact same as it would be at school. And we are also breaking his day up into the same intervals that it would be if he were at school. It also helps me see the where the triggers are in his stress levels and helps me adjust his day as needed. I know that school break is important for both the teachers and the students, but does it have to be a 2 week period?

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Happy New Years! Welcome to 2017, the year of something.

The great thing about New Years is that it is a restart, a new beginning. Out with the old, in with the new. But, unlike many, I have really decided to have resolutions that were more manageable, which in my humble opinion, is why so many quite their resolutions within the first 3 months of a new year.

So here goes:

  1. Be a better father and husband – Spend more Quality time and Quantity of time with my kids and my wife. Once a month, we take a family day and go somewhere for the day. And with that, once a month, my wife and I have a date night/afternoon lunch. I’ve already talked with our babysitter and she is giving me a list of dates for the first 6 months of the year.
  2. Continue to reduce our family debt – This is and will be a primary focus for the year(s) to come. At our current position, we have done a solid job with both eliminating debt and also not adding any additional debt. There have been factors that have slowed down our progress, but I’m hoping that we will be able to continue our progress and with a sizable tax return, that we’ll be able to dwindle down our debt. The goal is to get all of our debt, to include my wife’s van and student loan down in the next 24 months. The other part of that, is to be able to start saving for a down payment, as I’ll need a new Jeep in the next year, as I’m already riding on borrowed time with it.
  3. Weight Loss – Only those that don’t need to lose weight, ever put this one down. So yes, I need to lose weight. And with that, I just had my physical for 2016 for work and was down 5 lbs from the previous year. That being said, it was a start, but I’m ready to do more. I’m really ready to drop this weight and that will be a little of a challenge as with a bad knee, it knocks out running and some of the things that I would normally like to do to  knock the weight out. But, doesn’t mean that I can not work on eating better and cut out alcohol. The cutting out alcohol will also help reduce debt too, so a win win.

So as we wind down our New Years holiday and take some time to reflect, I wish you and your families the best new years possible. So far for us, we have only had 1 Urgent Care trip visit in 2017 and yes, we are only at the 2nd day of the year. So from my family to yours, Happy New Years!

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