January 2016

A few weeks ago, after a stretch of a few hard nights with Boy A and his night terrors, we broke down and bought the Lully to help him sleep better.

At first, I was a little skeptical, because in theory, I should be able to continue to reduce the number of night terrors by adjusting his sleep schedule. But for a stretch that wasn’t the case. I was sticking with our normal nighttime routine and nothing was working.  My wife was in a Mom’s group on Facebook and another parent posted about the Lully and how it had reduced the night terrors down to 1 a week. I figured what the heck, it was not cheap, but if it helped him sleep and me too, then it was worth it.

So the first night that we got the device, I immediately charged it and got it setup but I somehow misread/misunderstood that the device had to be charged up. My bad. So, yeah, I took the Lully device and put it back downstairs and wouldn’t you know it, he had a night terror that night. The next time and since then, I was able to use the device and so far it seems to be working.

Last night, I knew before putting the boys down that Boy A was going to have a night terror. All of the typical patterns of behavior of being over exhausted were there, so last night was going to be the first true test of Lully. It took him a few minutes to get settled and 50 minutes later, I was back up ready to use the device and try to wake him slowly out of his sleep. Within 5 seconds of turning on the device, he moved his legs, 5 seconds later he was stirring around.

Well, it worked! No night terror. He was able to sleep through the night and I was able to have a good night sleep. Thanks Lully!

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This past weekend during the snow blizzard in the Mid Atlantic, I’m really not sure who had the most fun, the boys are myself? There was a lot of laughing that is for sure going on at the house.

The boys asked to do a few things:

  1. Make snow angles
  2. Make snow prints like dinosaurs
  3. Make a snowman
  4. Make snow cream
  5. Have a snowball fight

Well, 4 out of 5 things from that list got completed, which really isn’t a bad odds, especially when we are talking about guys. So, we didn’t make a snowman and it wasn’t for a lack of trying, but the snow was too light to make the base. It was hard even getting a good snowball formed, but with enough pressure, we got those made.

What I’ve learned about being a dad is that sometimes, you just have to live in the moment. Yes, I was working the entire weekend, making updates to our corporate websites, but we were also doing a lot of laughing. And it was during the course of the weekend that I realized how much of that fun that my father missed out on with me. He did have snowball fights with me and he certainty would not have let me win, which is what I did. He wouldn’t have taught me to make snow cream or make gigantic foot prints in the snow like dinosaurs.

What I’m realizing the most about being a parent, is being there in the moment with them. Being able to teach them things, like I showed them how to make scrambled eggs this past weekend. That is an important life skill. And I hope that by sharing some of my knowledge for cooking, which help teach them to focus on details sometimes and other times, through caution into the wind and change things up a little. But what I’ve really learned, is that I hope that my boys have as much fun as I do when we are together and that they pass their love of laughing and having fun when they are fathers.

Parenting is hard work. While my wife was gone, it was just me. Now, I’ve been alone with the boys for up to 5 days before alone, but this time was different. This time, there was an added level of stress with shoveling, extra cooking and cleaning and working, but thinking ahead if we were to lose power, etc.

And something else, I have a new found respect for single parents, as I have no idea how they do it all the time and do everything.

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Growing up as a kid in North Carolina, seeing snow was a really big deal. Maybe once a year we would get a snow shower of an inch or so? Maybe in my 20 years of living in North Carolina I saw several inches, but rarely did I see a lot.

And then, I moved to Mid Atlantic area. I think in my first year, we had several snow storms that had a foot of snow? And then we had the blizzard of 2010 and we had two blizzards in a week and I think we had over 36″ during that one week? But those were all pre-kids for me. I could sleep in, watch tv, read, rest, whatever. But with kids, snow takes on a whole different world.

This morning, as we are watching the snow fall, easily on top of 15 + inches of snow, with another foot plus likely to fall today, the kids are ready to go and play. They want to go and have a snowball fight and run and dive in it and that is all good. But let’s be honest, I’m tired. I shoveled last night and I have to go out and shovel again. Oh and my wife is at work, so it is just me. Me and the boys for probably 3 days in the house is going to be my best guess and they are already stir crazy. I’m going to be heading out for another shoveling run in a few minutes while the kids watch Star Wars.

I know how exciting it is for the boys to see snow, especially this amount of snow. I remember as a kid how excited that I would be at just the thought of seeing snow. But as a parent, I really don’t enjoy it as much. I have to make sure that we have enough food, water and drinks for them, beer & wine for me, stuff to grill (yes, we will grill in the snow on Sunday, as it is a tradition that we grill on Sundays) and that I have to keep the snow shoveled. I love the reactions of my kids faces, running from window to window and how excited that they get, but for me, I think that my excitement will come when my wife gets home and I can take a deep breathe of relief. And when we have our snowball fight later today and I teach them how to make the perfect snow ball.

So everyone out there that is reading this that is effected by the snow, please be safe. Check on friends and family and take care of pets, if you have a grill/smoker, check on that too. And to my sons when you read this, I hope that you had a blast making your first snowman today and having your first snowball fight and if you beat me, I let you win, it is part of being a good Dad.

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When I got up this morning, every thing just seemed off. My head was hurting, my teeth were hurting, I just wasn’t myself. I knew what today was, how could I not? I knew the meaning of today and I dread it every year. How could I forget?

My phone started dinging around 6:30 a.m. with messages from Facebook and a few text messages trickled through. Rarely do we discuss it, we both know what the other is thinking. We try to act and feel like things are ok and normal, but they aren’t. Normalcy ended 7 years ago today.

Life as we knew it changed with one event, one moment, one second, one phone call, one accident.

7 years ago today, my mother in law was killed in a tragic car accident and forever our lives were and have been changed. So today, 7 years later, I sit in quiet and reflect on the day and what has changed. I wonder quietly how things would be different if that accident had not happened. But it did.

Regrets, yeah I have a few. Not spending more time. She not seeing my sons. And the hurt and pain are still there, even after 7 years.

Tomorrow, life returns to the normalcy that we have embraced. Tomorrow is a new day and the memories fade just a little bit more. Tomorrow will be one day closer to 8 years.

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Love is Patient, love kind.

Ever been to a wedding a hear that bible verse before? Better yet, have you been to a wedding and not heard it before? I was thinking this morning about that verse and how relevant it is for marriage, but maybe even more so for parenting.

Last night I was trying to launch a new website for work when my wife screamed downstairs, so off I went. As I reach the bathroom I hear “but we don’t use that much toilet paper to wipe our butts!” That is never a good sign.

I grabbed the plunger and off I went to try and loosen up the toilet. Honestly, it was not as bad as I had feared. It took maybe a minute? But what it showed me was a difference in how I handle things and how I was raised.

Growing up, I would have gotten in trouble for stopping up the toilet. Maybe grounded? I stopped for a minute, found Baby B and hugged him and told him that he did a good job of wiping his butt and then we went to the bathroom and I showed him how to get toilet paper off the role and not use as much as he did.

Love is patient, love is kind.

Could it have been bad, sure! But I have had to fix that once before for Baby A, so it isn’t the end of the world. Could I have gotten upset, sure but why? He was trying and didn’t do something intentional. So why react like he did? Instead, I used this as a time to show that I was proud of him and that he did a good job.

Parenting is hard and sometimes, we do have to get upset with our kids. Sometimes, it is hard to be patient, but they are learning and they are trying, so why shouldn’t we show a gentle and loving side to them?  If we teach our children to show love toward others, to be patient toward others and most importantly, be kind toward others, we will have done a great job as parents.

Love is patient, love is kind.

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It is funny how the weekend has changed and is constantly changing for me as I grow older and after becoming a Dad. Single me would look forward to the weekend because of going out, drinking and partying. Dad me, looks forward to the time with my boys.

My time with my sons is the most important thing in the world to me. We laugh, play and have a lot of fun and I do try to mix a little bit of education into the weekend as well. Having a mother that taught school for over 45 years, a few of those things/ideas have rubbed off on me. Our weekends have become a time to bond and for me to teach them about cooking and grilling and I have loved it. When I was there age and to be honest, I really don’t remember my father teaching me how to cook let alone how to use a grill. So for me, it is really important to be able to spend that time with them.

The boys and I start on Wednesday talking about what we are doing for the weekend and I try to prepare them for things like, a basketball game that I want to watch or planning our meal plans for the week. My time with my boys are what I live for and mean the world for me. So as I get ready to leave the office today, I can’t wait to get home to see my boys, wrap my arms around them and get ready for the weekend and the downtime.

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It was bound to happen and yesterday morning around 3:00 a.m., I realized that I had had been living on borrowed time. Around 3:05 a.m. sitting in the reclined holding my son, because he had been coughing and was having a hard time sleeping, but it was then I realized that I couldn’t swallow and that I was 99% sure that I had STREP!

So, off to the Urgent Care Center I went yesterday morning, hardly able to talk, hardly able to swallow, no energy and beyond exhausted. I talked with the Dr, she looked in my throat and said “you’ve been living on borrowed time” and only echoed that same statement when she found out that I had not had strep in 30 years.

It is really hard being sick, it is hard being sick as an adult and I think that it is even harder being sick when you are a parent. Because, a parent still has to get things done and ensure that their children are taken care of and fed and bathed. Those things still have to be done.  Even though we might, as parents are living on borrowed time fighting off sickness and illness and finally get hit, we still have to get things done.

So today at work, I have little to no energy. My throat is still really swollen and it hurts to swallow. But, my kids are better and they went to school today and were happy to see their friends this morning and that is all that really matters.  And even though I ran out of time and finally got sick, it was still good to see how my kids have done the last few days and seeing them help out more around the house and have shown me a lot of compassion.

I am really proud of those little boys.

 

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Well, it appears that the boys have had a relapse with their strep. Yesterday, one of the boys was at the Dr and the other went to daycare, but came home not feeling well.

A friend of mine asked how hard it was on me as a parent to see my kids not feeling well and I really couldn’t put it into words. I know how I am when I don’t feel well and it is hard, but seeing your kids not feel well and not being able to really do anything, is just the worse feeling in the world. As a parent, it is our job to protect our kids and provide them with a safe and loving environment, but the reality is, they will get sick and they will get hurt.

A relapse to a sickness isn’t that uncommon, in fact, it happens more than we want to realize. But the reality of it is that our society is willing to take medicine because it is a quick fix, when in reality, there is a good chance that we are causing more harm than good to our bodies long term. And I am the worlds worse.  Since I was 5, I’ve had tubes in my ears, well as of January of 2016, 10 or 11 times in each ear. And when I get a sinus infection and I can usually tell pretty quickly, I’m at a urgent care center getting the three medications that I need. Should I wait? Maybe? But I don’t have time to wait!

Being a parent is a full time job, 24/7 365 days a year. But the reality is that parents, like kids, don’t have time to get sick and a relapse only slows things down that much more. But right now, in this moment, that even though it looks like a minor relapse for the boys, they are in relative terms, healthy. They aren’t in a Children’s Hospital. They are here with me. They are safe. They are getting better. They are my life and I will do everything that I can to protect and keep them safe and tonight and tonight, if they wake up, again at 3:00 a.m., I’ll take them downstairs and rock them and keep them comforted. Because, that is what a parent does when their child is sick.

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Sometimes it is good to step outside of your comfort zone. Life can get too boring if you don’t.

Tonight, I’m going to do something that I’ve never done before, I’m volunteering at a Shelter, to help those that have no where to go tonight and mind you, today’s high was in the teens, so tonight will probably be in the single digits. And why a cold weather shelter, I don’t know, why not? Our church has two nights a week that they go, check people in, get them situated, etc. and I thought why not?

My life has been very boring lately and more importantly, predictable. I needed something. I needed something that would shake my day/life up a little and to help me step outside of my personal comfort zone and do something completely different.

My hope tonight, is that I can be there to help someone else. I hope tonight, I can provide a kind word, give someone a warm meal or drink, give them a blanket or just sit and listen. My hope tonight, is that someone appreciates what I am doing. My hope tonight, is that they see how much I need this, as much as they need me there. My hope tonight, is that this is the first step of living outside of my comfort zone.

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Sometimes I like to drift off into a deep thought and just forget about life for a little while and as we wrapped up the end of the year, I spent a lot of time in quietness. I needed some time to reflect on life, step away and gain focus.

We’ve gone through many changes in the past year, some good, some not as good as we had hoped.

  1. We for the most part as a family remained healthy, minus the typical colds, etc.
  2. We did have our first ER trip though for Boy B & Boy A did have to get stitches, but considering that they are over 4 and these were our first visits, that isn’t too bad.
  3. My wife and I both continued towards our goals of losing more weight. I believe that we are both around 20 – 25 pounds from our Phase I goals.
  4. Financially was 1 step forward and 3 back. We got hit with a lot of unexpected bills this year for cars. So, that has been a constant struggle these last few months, BUT we increased our giving to charity by close to $2,000.
  5. We found and have gotten involved in a new church and have really felt that this was a much needed change for us.

I’m sure that I’ve missed a lot, but those were just a few of the things that coming to mind last week as I was reflecting on the year. But it was also during this time of being in deep thought, that I realized how big of a difference the boys have made this past year. We had to change their daycare and put them in a daycare center, as opposed to the in home daycare that they were use to and they did great. We’ve asked them to trust us more and let them do more, i.e. they are always outside with me at the grill and they are both learning how to cook.

And it is through this time that I’ve also realized that my boys are growing up more and more and that I’ve got to change and adapt more. I have to be ok and allow them to try new things and take some leaps of faith. These little guys just never seem to stop amazing me and learning new things.

To say that I’m a proud father, might be an underestimate of the day. To say that I am sad that they are growing up really fast, is also an underestimate of the day as well. So as I reflect and sit in silence and enjoying my time in deep thought, I hope that all of those that are reading this, have a safe and happy 2016.

And one day, when my sons learn about this blog, I hope that they understand how much I love them and how proud of them that I am. And I hope that they read these words and gain an insight into my life with them and pick up a few little things along the way about being a father of twins.

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