August 2015

Growing up, I really struggled with patience and I think that it about broke my father and my backside. I wanted things right then and I wanted things done the way that I wanted them done. But guess what? Life doesn’t work that way and today, I was shown that in a humbling way.

For the last week I have been fighting a bad sinus infection, which for where I live, has been a constant for the last 7 years. And today, after waking up and not being able to hear, I gave in and called to get an appointment with my ENT and luckily, he had 2 openings this afternoon. After getting there and catching up with the Doctor, we decided to have him put in tubes again in both ears. Yes, both ears and yes, I’m getting close to 40. But the point is, I had to have it done then, I couldn’t wait. Sure, I could show patience and wait a few more weeks, but that could cause problems and further complications. So, he performs the minor surgery and off I go.

Yesterday for my downtime, I cooked and cooked a lot. But my new weekly food to make is my homemade salsa. And who doesn’t love just saying the word salsa? The kids don’t eat it, but man it is delicious. So, I’m on the phone with my dad and I’m frustrated because this was the 11th time in my life that I’ve had tubes and the pain and frustration, etc. And as we are talking and I’m waiting to checkout, I see the guy in front of me digging through his pockets for money. He only had 3 items, a bottle of water, band aids and a banana.  And as I’m talking with my Dad, this guy is struggling to find the money. And when I say money, it was about $2.00 roughly.

My dad was asking me questions, I could see the cashier was getting frustrated and the guy, mind you, he looks like he hasn’t showered for days and because of my allergies and sinus infection I couldn’t smell him. But I realized something, this guy didn’t have the money and it was in that moment, I had 2 options: 1) let the guy put the food back or 2) pay the $2.00, because honestly, $2.00 wasn’t anything in my day, as that is what I spend on a cup of coffee almost daily.

Daily, I spend more for a drink than this guy ate all day. And as I’m talking with my Dad, I politely asked if I could call him back and I handed the cashier the money that he needed and told the gentleman to keep his money for another day. There was a couple behind me that rolled their eyes and the guy couldn’t have thanked me enough, as I’m sure that he was embarrassed. The cashier thanked me and we smiled and waved to the guy as he walked out of the store.

When I got my dad back on the phone, he asked me what happened and I seemed replied that I helped a guy that was down on his luck, who looked like he needed a little bit of hope today and that even though it wasn’t much, I think that it gave him at least one meal today. And as I hung up with my Dad, I realized, that a few years ago, I wouldn’t have done that. I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, I would have been frustrated and in a hurry to get out of the store and go home and rest. My ears were hurting, I just wanted to relax. But today, I got to experience that life lesson that I’ve been learning since I was the age of my boys and how today, that patience taught me and reminded me how lucky that I am.

Read more

The older that I get, the more that I realize that I need to devote time for self reflection and time to just unwind and clear my head. Today is one of those days and I thought that I would share a few thoughts/ideas/concerns/etc.

  • This past week, in a small town outside of Roanoke, VA there was yet another senseless shooting.  Please understand, I am 100% in favor of the 2nd Amendment and law abiding citizens being able to legally own and carry fire arms. BUT, I also believe that our society has a serious mental health issue as well and until politicians are able to figure out a legal solution that prevents those that have mental health issues from legally purchasing a gun, then please stay off the tv and keep your political rhetoric to a minimum. Literally within 2 hours of the shootings, the VA Governor held a press conference about gun laws. Mind you, the person that shot the innocent individuals purchased his weapon legally and lawmakers forget that criminals don’t exactly go and register and purchase their handguns legally, as that requires background checks, etc.
  • The stock market took an interesting turn this past week. I only lost $5,000.00, which is a lot, but in the long term, that shouldn’t be too bad. I also upped my contributions to offset future growth and obtain more shares with future purchases.
  • As for the little monkeys, I see more and more growth and maturity in those little guys everyday. They have started to speak a little Spanish, both can count to 10 with no problems and can say a few conversational words. The boys are helping out more at the house and helping clean more. And their personalities just keep growing.
  • Vacation is quickly coming up, but that is something that I”m not necessarily looking forward to again this year. Long story and not a public story. But I will get to spend time with the boys and I’m currently looking at day trips while we are at the beach, i.e. there is an Aquarium nearby, as well as a Naval museum with airplanes.

The last few weeks have been an up and down time for me personally and professionally. I’m fortunate to have the job that I do, as there are so many that are unemployed, though, I often time questions my current career path.  In talking with one of my best friends, who is in a similar situation, I know where my passion lies, though I don’t think that it is my career, as I would hate to lose that passion and turn it into a job that I hate. But at the same time, I wonder if the culture here at work, is contributing to my uncertainty?

Reflection is important for interpersonal perspective. The more that you can self identify, the more that you can stay on top of the things that are bothering you and keep you focused on the important things. So this morning, as I was driving into the office and thinking about the kids and how quickly they are growing and as my work week winds down, I can’t wait to spend the weekend with them. We have a few things already planned to grill and cook and I’m going to teach them how to make chicken and mushroom risotto this weekend and hopefully get some much needed downtime in as well.

Read more

I don’t get time away from life, my family, work etc. very often, so when I do, I try to take advantage of it as best I can.  And for the longest time, I struggled with the concept of time away from my kids, because I thought that I was being a bad parent, but I realized that I was wrong.

This past weekend, I took a few days off from work and went down to my family farm and worked. It was really hard saying goodbye to the boys last Thursday morning and I assured them that I would be back on Sunday and that if they were good, I would bring them a surprise. The struggle that I had, was that I was leaving them. But I was leaving them exhausted and burned out. Not from them, but from a lot of other factors in my life. I was leaving them with my wife, who has never had them alone by herself for 4 days at a time, doing it all.

My life, revolves 100% around my kids. Plain and simple. But a lot of things had been building up for me and I just needed a little time away. I needed time to clear my head, focus on somethings and plan somethings out. This time away, allowed me to hop on the tractor and just drive and think and more importantly, I didn’t have any interruptions. No one pulling on my leg, no one emailing me (I don’t have cell service at the farm), no one lining up outside my door asking me questions or needing me to fix a problem. I just had time to think.

But one of the biggest and most glaring realizations that I had, was that time away isn’t bad. In fact, it is rather healthy. It was good that my wife had them for several days and could hopefully appreciate all that I do when she travels. It was great to see the expressions on my kids faces when I got back yesterday. And it gave me time to come to peace with somethings.

So parents, if you get the chance, take a little time away for yourselves, you’ll be better parents for it in the long run.

Read more

Where do my kids come up with these crazy sayings, like “Bad idea”? Where would a 4 year old pick that phrase up? And not only pick it up, but more importantly, using it correctly.

This morning as I was getting ready and trying to get the boys ready, Baby B, (I guess I should start referring to them as Son A or B, as they are no longer babies) said to me “Daddy, going to work is a bad idea, a really bad idea!” Understand, this is the one that was delayed in speech for 2 1/2 years and I really think that he was on to something. Lately, work has really been just that work. As I have grown in my career, my focus has changed, my time has been pulled into multiple directions and my passion has changed.

As I mentioned in a previous post on Regrets, this has been something that I’ve been really focused on other things. Maybe I need to take some of my own advice? Fortunately, I have a quick weekend trip to farm scheduled this weekend, which will give me time to think and process life. But, as I sit in my office, phone calls are coming in, emails about 1 a minute and people are stopping by and asking questions, I think that my son was right, coming into the office today was a bad idea, a really bad idea. Smart kid.

Read more

To my sons, this is my hope and wishes for you.

Regrets, yeah I’ve a few in my life and some of those have seemed to have crept up lately and got me thinking.  So I wanted to share a few thoughts and ideas.

  • Life is to short to have any regrets, so live today as it is your last. Live life to the fullest everyday, as we aren’t guaranteed that there is a tomorrow.
  • Follow your heart and your passions for your career and know that you are able to change directions at anytime. BUT, choose a career that you love doing and the day that you wake up and dread going into work that day, it is time to change.
  • Travel. See the country. Eat in dives. Drink really good beer. Visit the Grand Canyon and sit in silence and listen to the sounds. Visit the beach on the east coast and put your toes in the sand and take a cross country flight to LA and goto the beach there and do the same thing. Experience as much as you can of local cultures and talk with strangers. Yes, today as you are a child, do not talk with strangers, but when you are an adult. Talk with strangers and learn and absorb the culture.
  • Learn to cook. You are both well on your way to this now as you both help me a lot to cook or grill. But learn to cook and learn to cook different foods and really challenge yourself and your love of food. And remember, a cheap grill is just that, cheap. Spend the money for a nice grill and it is an investment that will be well worth it.
  • Save your money. It isn’t the most important thing, but will afford you the ability to do the things that you love doing.
  • Faith – have faith in something. We will do our best to introduce you, but it will ultimately be up to you to continue that faith in a higher being.
  • The old saying is very true. It is better to give than receive. Help someone else that is less fortunate than you are. You have never gone a day of wanting in your life. You have been blessed beyond what you’ll ever be able to know and understand, so help someone that needs a chance.
  • Your mom and I will not always be there for you, so learn how to take care of yourself and learn to pickup after yourself. I was 21 before I learned how to wash clothes, you will learn before then and your wives will thank you and us.
  • And this might be the most important life lesson that I have for you. When you meet the love of your life and you will know it and please, do not let her go. TRUST ME on this one guys, you’ll regret it everyday if you do and it will cause a lot of heartache, frustrations and struggles. If you learn nothing else from me, learn this.

Life is hard. Life will throw you curve balls, but you have to sit back and wait for the right pitch to take and promise me that you’ll live your life to the fullest and life with no regrets.

These are just a few of the life lessons that I hope to be able to share with you throughout your life, but life is too short to live with regrets.

 

Read more

Lately, I’ve felt that I haven’t been able to focus or when I do focus, I’m focusing on things that I should not or that are distractions. Life can be hard, we are often pulled in so many different directions, between work and home life, focus can really become blurred.

My commute each day is about 1 hour in both directions and I often use that time to think through my day, what needs to be done when I get to the office. What meetings that are scheduled and what tasks I need to get completed, etc. And my commute home, I focus on spending time with my boys, making sure that they have a good meal to eat and that after dinner we play and get ready for bed. But lately, these drive times have been more of a distraction. They have clouded my thinking and my views and have some days left me in a fog, so to speak.

I realized on my drive in this morning that there are a lot of things going on, both at home and work that are starting to weigh heavily on me. I need to decompress. I need to step away from life for a few days. I need to regain my focus. My focus has and will always be my kids and that will never change. But at the same time, I need to think through all aspects of my life and do something for me. I need a few days off. I need to think about my life for a while. I need to sit on the dock and look at the mountains and I need to listen. I need to listen to the sounds around me and focus on change.

I need to find my focus.

 

Read more

I’ve seen this scene with Will Smith and James Avery from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air several times and the sad part, I can relate all too much to this scene, as many fathers can.

There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by, that I don’t think about all of the moments that my father missed out on. Birthdays. Anniversary’s. Basketball games. Baseball games. And I’m sure that I could continue that list for days. I remember learning how to shave while my dad was on active duty on the west coast I believe, while he was in the Army. I remember looking up in the stands for my dad and there was always an empty seat. I remember that empty feeling of not having my father there for father/son events at Scouts. I can relate to this scene on many levels, both good and bad.

You see, the fact is my dad wasn’t there a lot. The fact is that my dad put his career before myself, my sister and our family. I remember my dad being gone more than being home. I remember when he would have to leave for extended periods of time or when he would come home late and all I wanted to do was play catch. But the glove or football would sit on the steps well after he would come home. I learned how to adapt and somewhat cope, a say somewhat, because I don’t know that I’ve really expressed how that made me feel to my dad, because at this point, I don’t know that it matters anymore? My friend that is a psychiatrist would probably disagree.

But I can relate also to when Will Smith turned to James Avery, because even though my dad was not there, I have had awesome fatherly role models that to this day are some of my closest friends. And to this day, I still go to them for some of my most challenge questions when I need advice. Today was different though when I watched this clip, as this was the first time that it moved me to tears and I don’t really know why? Regardless of the reason, the raw emotion of wanting your father to be there and they put their priorities first is something that I lived through for the majority of my childhood.

In a conversation with a close friend, he asked me why I do as much as I do with my kids? I just said with a smile, I want my kids to know me. I want them to never have to look up in the stands and wonder if I’m going to be there or not? I never want them to wonder if I loved them. I never want them to feel that I’m not there for them and to make sure that they are the first priority in my life. I can relate to this clip on so many levels. And yes, my relationship with my father is better and at some point in the last year, the words “I’m sorry for missing so much of your life” was actually uttered during a conversation.

I remember the first night that we had the boys at home and as I was rocking them to sleep, I vowed to always put them first. I vowed to be there for them and teach them. Teach them right from wrong and teach them what it means to be a good husband and father. I hope and pray that I’m doing that. I hope that I’m showing them how to treat women with respect and to take care of themselves. And my hope, is that one day, when my kids read these posts that they can look back at our time together, that I did the best that I could.

Read more

There are two words that I love hearing more than anything “DOWN TIME”. These are two words that I love to hear from others and that I love saying, because we all need it. We all need to slow down and sometimes just think out loud.

A few nights ago my wife and I were discussing life, where we are, somethings that we needed to talk about that were bothering us, etc. And as we were talking I realized that it is ok to think out loud and express thoughts and concerns and feelings. Sometimes you just have to let it go.

Lately, without going into a back story here, I’ve had to think out loud a lot with friends. I’ve needed to share somethings with them that I just had to get off my chest. And I needed for them to be my sounding board and to just listen. I am fortunate that there is a core group of guy friends that we can do this with. We can text or call and just say, “I need to vent and I need you to listen.” What that really means, I need to think out loud for a minute and I don’t need interruptions or opinions unless asked. This group of friends have been able to listen, provide feedback and suggestions and basically, be what friends should be, there for me and I for them.

So in a few weeks, one of my good friends and myself are going down to his lake cabin and just relax. And I can’t believe how exciting I am about going to the trip. I’ll be able to cook and we’ll just laugh and think out loud. It is going to give me a chance to step away from life and rest.

Read more