November 2014

Last night was an emotional night in Feurgson, Mo. and the world was watching intently. The reality of the situation is pretty easy, there are no winners, only losers in this situation.

The facts are this, an young man lost his life. A police officer did his job.

Could the death of Michael Brown have been avoided, possibly, but we weren’t there, so it is hard to speculate. But a family had to lay to rest their son way too early in life.

I hope and pray that the family, in time, can begin the healing process and move forward. It will never bring their son back, but it will help them, but time can ease some of that pain.

My children will one day read about the Feurgson shooting. They will read about the case and ultimately the rioting afterwards. This country has a long ways to go toward building a bridge with our race relations and I hope and pray that the verdict in the Feurgson shooting will not derail that.

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Tonight, I wish that I could have a do over. I wish that I had handled bed time a little differently. But, I learned a valuable lesson in the process.

My wife was home first tonight as I needed to stay late and wrap a few things up  at the office, then I had to run an errand on the way home, including grabbing dinner. My wife got the kids upstairs shortly after I arrived and they were wild monkeys. They were running around the room, stomping on the floor like dinosaurs and were acting like 3 year olds that got a burst of energy.

Well, after we ran through the night time routine, changing, settling down, watching a quick show, etc. it was quiet time, except, the boys still were not calm. Baby A had to goto the bathroom, which meant that Baby B had to then go. Then Baby B wanted to lay in the floor, so Baby A had to do that too. Back and forth this goes on and finally, my wife gets called and has to be at work at midnight. Well crap! (note in my head, I didn’t say crap, as this was the 3rd night in a row that I was putting the boys down, only quickly realizing that I would have to put them down the next two nights too. So 5 nights in a row and I got frustrated, not to mention that I was tired. So my wife leaves, Baby B has a melt down. Uncontrollable outbursts of crying and kicking the floor and it took me about 10 – 15 minutes to get him calmed down.

Baby A then wanted to rock and so did Baby B and finally, I had everyone close to being asleep. Baby B laid down on the floor beside me and it was then that I realized that I had been trying for almost 2 hours to get them asleep. So, I was frustrated about being tired. I was frustrated about the fact that the boys wouldn’t settle down and then I realized that Baby B was snoring. 1 down, 1 to go.

I started talking with Baby A, I was trying to get him to lay down and it just wasn’t working. And I was frustrated. I tried reasoning. I tried being nice. I tried being stern. And then, he looks at me and just says 2 words “Just Go”. Ouch. My son told me to leave his room, but it wasn’t the words, it was that he dropped his head and said it.

It was at that point, I realized, he was just as frustrated as I was. In reality, we both wanted the same thing, to goto bed. He couldn’t settle down and relax and goto sleep and I couldn’t get him to settle down and relax and goto sleep. But it was in that instant, I realized, my being frustrated, wasn’t at the fact that he wasn’t asleep yet, now approaching the 3 hour mark of trying to get him down. Instead, it was that whatever my wife did tonight, didn’t get them calmed and ready for bed and that I couldn’t get them down as quickly as I normally do.

I stopped, I smiled and held out my arms and Baby A came over and hugged me. I kissed him and told him that I loved him and apologized if I was short with him. We rocked for a few minutes and we talked and all was forgiven and right in the world. But more importantly than that, it taught me a lesson about parenting. I love my kids more than anything else in this world and the phrase “Just Go” stopped me in my tracks tonight. But I am thankful to have learned the lesson that we both can be frustrated, but I can’t let them see my frustration.

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Being a parent isn’t always easy, but at the sometime, being a child isn’t either and I say that, because I am both. I am a parent to my awesome kids, but I also am a child to my parents.

Yesterday was just one of those days, it was just a day mixed with emotions. I had to say goodbye to a good friend over the weekend, as he and his wife decided to split up & though he and I will remain in contact, it is hard knowing that I’ll only see him a few more times.  I had a former boss, who was a mentor and even better friend to me pass away over the weekend and his funeral was yesterday and I wasn’t able to attend. And then to top it all off, my Dad texted me that my cousins husband had committed suicide. So we are talking about a lot of serious things here, but we are also talking about life.

Life is hard. As parents, we want to protect our kids from life. We want to shelter and try to protect them from the dangers and evils that lurk out there. As child, we want our independence and freedom to test the water and see what we can and can not do. My Dad asked me last night how I would have handled letting my kids (it was a hypothetical) know about my friend’s death? I didn’t know? I haven’t been forced to share with them about life and death.  I haven’t had to do it, I know that I will soon. I know that I will have to tell them about their grandmother who was killed in a car accident, well before they were born. And then I’ll have to tell them what an amazing person that she was and how much she would have loved them and would have wanted to play and spend time with them.

As adults, we have challenges everyday. We have bills to pay. Stresses of finances, marriage, and everything else that could be thought of. But it is how we handle it, that separates us.

To my buddy that is separating from his wife. I am sorry. I am sorry that you were faced with that decision. I am sorry that things didn’t work out and that you’ve had to make this decision.

To my cousin, who’s husband committed suicide. I am truly sorry. No parent should ever have to tell their child that their spouse took their own life. There were demons there with him and he struggled for years, but there were other options. But to my cousin, I am sorry for your loss.

And to my friend that past away. You have made an impression on my life, that will never go away. You taught and shared words of encouragement, when I really needed them. You showed me the importance of leadership and how to be firm, but more importantly fair with people.

Life. Life is a thing that isn’t explained. Today, we have. Right now, we have. But life, it is how we choose to live it. And that is what I hope to leave my children with. That living life everyday to the fullest is one of the most important things that they can do. Live for today. Live for right now. Live for family and friends.

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When the boys are tired, it really makes for long day for us on the weekend. Our goal is to keep them as busy as possible on the weekends, doing things that are fun and educational, but mostly fun on the weekends, so we really want them warn out so that they will get a goodnight sleep.

Today was no different, except my wife and I both are still sick. My wife has a bad cold and I’m still fighting a sinus infection and honestly, the highs today were in the low 30s and staying in and playing and reading and watching a few Christmas movies, just seemed like a better idea. But, we also paid for it too, because the boys had a lot of energy and they didn’t expand nearly all of that energy, so we had more tantrums and crying. Translation, today was really a long day for me, as my wife was resting trying to get better.

The boys and I played Dinosaurs, Thomas the Train, watched Elf on the Shelf and Polar Express. We talked, we laughed, we ran around the house, but towards the end of the day, I could just tell that they were exhausted. But they held in, they fussed, threw a few tantrums, but when we watched the Polar Express, they were really engaged. They have already wished us a Merry Christmas. And by 6pm, they were ready to eat. I fixed them a quick meal, got them in the bath and tonight the boys were down in less than 15 minutes.

Long days are hard. They are hard when you are by yourself and having to do it all, because I also had to do laundry, clean the bathroom, clean the kitchen and also clear out the fridge. The kids did a great job letting me get all those things done as well, but with the medication that I’m on, I’m not sleeping that well, so I’m exhausted, the kids are exhausted, it just make for a really long day.

But after getting them in bed and covered, I kissed them in the head and whispered in their ears that I loved them. And in that very moment, as I was making my way to the door to head downstairs, the day wasn’t that bad, even though it was a really long day.

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As we grow older and face certain realities, we realize that life changes have to be the first thing that we evaluate and begin changing.

This week I started my P90 Workouts and Shakeology & of course I got sick. It seems that whenever I start to really workout, I seem to always get sick. But this time, I did something different. I was able to get in 1 workout in the last 3 days and should be able to get back into tomorrows workout, but I modified my diet and I’m happy to report that I’m down 5 pounds already.

But weight loss is only one of the life changes that I’m making. I’ve also cut back drinking alcohol to 1 beer or a glass of wine a day. I was really only doing 1 – 2 a day anyway, which is going to really help with the weight loss too. And the other big life change is that I’ve started evaluating all of my recipes and coming up with healthier ways to cook them.

Life changes are hard. But change is hard, but my hope is that the changes that I’m working on implementing and plan on continuing will allow me to be around a long time for my children and my wife.

 

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A few nights ago my Godfather sent me an email with a link to 28 Rules for Fathers & I thought that I would share it here and then maybe add a few additions to it.  Let’s be honest, all guys when they find out that they are having kids are scared to death, hell I was, let alone finding out that we were having twins. But a few take aways from the Rules for Fathers:

1) Love his Mother – Be a good role model and let your sons see the love that you have for your wife and I promise, one day a young lady that your son will bring home to meet you, will thank you. Show them that it is good to be lovely, supportive and attentive.

4) Take him to a ball game – I would actually expand this to to teaching him about sports in general. There is something unique about playing a game, because in life, there are winners and losers, just like in sports. But there are also life lessons that come with winning and losing too. Because in winning, it is how you win and how you show that expression at the end of the game. Do you line up and congratulate the other team or do you rub it in their faces? And with losing, do you hold your head down or do you hold it up, because you busted your butt and gave it everything that you had?  Those same life lessons apply to life.

16) Father him – A father isn’t just a part time person. A father isn’t just there for the concept. But a father is the one that will teach and show his children how to live. A father needs to over use the words “I Love You”, because at the end of the day, those kids are going to be looking to their father for support or answers or approval. And NO child should ever wonder about their father’s love.

28) Be his hero – Kids need someone to look up to. They need good role models. They want to be just like their dad’s when they grow up, so do what is right and teach them right from wrong at an early age. And don’t let some punk musician be their hero either.

A few Rules for Fathers that I would add:

Winning and Losing – It is part of life, it is a part of sports, but it is a fact in life that there will be someone that will win and someone that will lose. The difference is, how hard you work to get there. If you put forth zero effort, you’ll lose every time. But if you bust your butt, you’ll win, maybe not every time, but you’ll win and you’ll get ahead. You’ll get ahead in the game, you’ll get ahead in school and you’ll get ahead in life.

Learn to Cook – Show your kid that your wife isn’t the only one that can cook in the house. In fact, let all the guys cook for mom one night. It gets the kids excited about what they eat and doing something nice for their mom and maybe it turns into a hobby that they enjoy.

Laugh at yourself – Don’t take life so serious. We all make mistakes, but it is how we handle those mistakes that separate us.

Believe in something – I’m not saying believe in God, or Buddha or whatever, but have a faith in something. It helps give meaning and perspective in life. It helps keep us grounded.

and finally, Be Humble – This kinda goes in with the manners, but in life, I feel that we all get dealt a handle, but be gracious and be humble with the hand that you are dealt. Say thank you. Be respectful. It will be noticed. Remember that in life, there is always at least 1 other person that is worse off than you. There is always 1 other person that is dealing with something worse than you. There is always 1 person that is going through a life altering moment and though what you might be dealing with in that very moment, doesn’t compare to things that other are facing right then.

I really enjoyed reading the 28 Rules for Fathers because it really got me thinking and evaluating what I was doing in how I was raising my sons. But it also got me thinking about how I was raised. What I went through and how my life was shaped by my father.

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Love is patient, love is kind.

How many times have you heard that at a wedding? But have you thought about it as it pertains to your kids? With twins, usually if one kid is sick, the other kid will get it too.

This morning, I was cooking breakast, listening to Miles Davis as the kids were playing. Baby A was getting over the croup cough and a fever and Baby B was coming down with a fever. And as I cooked, I thought of a familiar Bible verse and I thought about it in a completely different way:

love is patient, love is kind

Baby A was trying us, he was tired, he was fussy, he was trying to fight with his brother who was fighting a fever and I was trying to cook breakfast and the kids were fighting on sofa and it hit me

Love is patient, love is kind

and it can really mean multiple things at different times in our lives.  It can be a bible verse that is read during your wedding, in times of trouble, I have even heard that verse read at a funeral, but not once have I read/heard that verse rreferenced to child raising.

Today was a trying day.  One kid that was on the minds, one kid that was fighting a fever and my patience was really being tested.  I was struggling to be able to cook and do a little cleaning while the boys were fighting. But, as I thought about the verse, the word that hit me the hardest was love. Because without love, there is no patience. Without love, none of this happens.

So as we get one boy over a sickness and another through the sickness, love remains.

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Ever have one of those moments as a parent that you just know, you really should go ahead and clear your calendar for the next day, because your child is going to be sick?  Well, that happened to me last night and this afternoon.

Last night Baby A started coughing, granted I was watching the Elections and my wife was taking care of the kids, but I could just tell by his coughing, that not only would he be up later that night, but that I would be taking today off to be with him. Sure enough, I went upstairs after midnight, most races had been called or at least there was a good idea of the direction that they were heading in and there laid Baby A, in my spot. He had a fever. A fever = no daycare.

Before I had gone upstairs, I quickly looked at my calendar for today, realized that I could move things around, work a little from home and take care of him, as my wife was on call. But all I could think of was that sometimes a being sick gets in the way. It wasn’t like he intended to be sick and it wasn’t like last month my wife planned to be on call today when he was sick. It is what it is. It is life. It is part of being a parent. And yes, I am fortunate enough to have understanding bosses and more importantly, an even better staff that can handle things while I’m out.

Throughout the day, I talked off and on with my mom, describing Baby A’s symptoms, coughing (he was diagnosed with Croup last year) and a low grade fever. And I was telling her how he was eating and drinking plenty of fluids and playing, but that he was still warm.  And then she started asking questions about his demeanor and symptoms and I said yes to everything she asked only to find out at the end, he is going through the same thing that I did at his age and there wasn’t anything that I could do about it, other than get the fever down and put him in the shower and get some steam into his lungs. And my mom said simply, sometimes in life, “being sick gets in the way.”

Life is hard, we have busy schedules and things that we want to do. But in life, sometimes being sick gets in the way. Kids don’t choose to get sick. They don’t want to feel bad. They don’t want to miss out with what is going on at school or sports, but it happens. And as much as of inconvenience that was to rearrange my day today and now also for tomorrow too, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Most Sunday’s I can be found in the kitchen and today was no different. On the menu for today’s sunday cooking is spaghetti sauce, marina sauce, pizza sauce, grilled chicken, grilled shrimp, grilled yellow fin tuna and grilled vegetables.

My wife and I have focused on trying to preparw as many meals as possible on Sunday as we can. It has even gotten to the point that we are cooking for weeks in advance. I am really focused on cooking as many different things as I can as I want to expose the boys to as many different foods as I can.

So as many enjoy their Sunday day, we have sunday cooking day. And i have started getting the boys involved and helping me cooking.

#foodporn

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Halloween has come and gone.  All the little trick or treaters are nestled in their beds, thinking about all the candy that they get to eat tomorrow.

This was really our first Halloween as last year the boys did not really have a concept.  But this year, it was on like donkey kong. Baby A was a T Rex and Baby B had two costumes to choose from, a chimp or another dinosaur. He was adorable as a chimp but there is no comparison between a chimp and a dinosaur.

Instead of going door to door in our neighborhood, we opted for the mall and I have say, the businesses did a great job.  All most every store had staff out front giving candy to the kids and coupons for adults. And the kids racked up on candy too. But even more import than the candy, they were in a very safe environment.

So as the kids sleep and parents sleep, I want to thank the local businesses for being so nice to my boys and providing a safe and fun environment for them to enjoy their first Halloween.

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