October 2014

I don’t do this very often, so I apologize but this morning, I just felt that I needed to blog about this. Facebook can be a wonderful tool. But it can also be a way to keep in touch with friends and old classmates that you haven’t seen or talked with in years.

Two nights ago I saw a lot of facebook statuses asking prayers for a girl named Melissa. Based on which friends were posting these updates, I wasn’t exactly sure who Melissa was? My high school was not that big, but we had a decent class size. Well, last night I found out which Melissa everyone was praying for and why.

She was a mother of 6. That is right, 6 kids ranging from 16 to 2. But two nights ago after a family dinner, she was in a car accident with her husband and children and she sustained injuries that left her dead. 6 kids. A husband. Parents and friends are all left asking why?

I am not going to lie, I don’t remember Melissa. She was a year behind me and if she did not play sports, I probably spoke in the hallways and that was it. But today, we have something in common. We have little kids. And the thought of her husband having to explain death to their children breaks my heart.

So today, if you believe or pray, could you say a little prayer for Melissa and her family? Her family has a long and hurtful road ahead of them and they need all the help that they can get.

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Boys will be boys and fights and rough housing will happen. It is just a part of nature. But one thing that I’ve started doing is that when the kids start getting a little to rough, I make them stop and Hug It Out.

I want them to get into the habit of realizing that they have to be nice to each other. They are brothers, best friends and sometimes in life, we aren’t going to agree on everything. But even though we might not agree, we have to be nice to each other, so just Hug It Out.

Last weekend, the boys were playing and one thing led to another and Baby B was getting ready to bite his brother and as soon as I saw him going in, I called his name and he froze. He knew that he was going to get in trouble. He knew that what he was doing was wrong. So, not only was he going straight to time out, but first he had to hug his brother and tell him he was sorry.

Life lessons are never to early to start. So many times we as adults I think lose focus of being nice to each other. I think that we are just in a rush for everything, not realizing how we are effecting others. I’ve realized that more and more as I look at my sons. Am I being in a rush and overlooking things with them? Am I being hard on them after a long day?

So when life gets to be a little hard, you get a little frustrated, you just need to say that you are sorry. Hug It Out!

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Changing leavesJust like the leaves are changing and the seasons are changing, I am finding the need to make some changes in my life too. And today seems like a greT day to start.

1) lose weight – I need to lose 30 pounds atleast, but probably more  I want to be around for my kids.  So today I walked about 10,000 steps, and continued to modify my diet by implementing a morning Beachbody Shakeology Shake.

2) find a church home – This has really bothered me, just as much as the being overweight.  I miss the church and fellowship that I had when I was in Texas and it is something that I want my kids to  have as they grow up.

3) better financial position – This is a constant struge for most Americans.  One minute I feel that we are moving in the right direction, the next I am up all night worrying.  My wife and I are really focused on getting out of debt and have been throwing all the extra cash that we can at paying down credit card debt.  But, if we can get all of our debt paid off in 2 years, we should be able to save enough to pay for all 4 years of college for both boys and increase our 401k contributions from 8 to 12%+!

4) technology- My job and life revolves around technology  so this is going to be hard.  But I really want to cut back on my usage and dependency on technology.  This is crucial because I constantly get emails, text messages, calls, etc and everytime one of those messages comes in at night, it takes away from my kids.

These are a lot of changes and I realize that.  But i have asked several friends and my wife to help keep me accountable and focused.  So as the seasons are changing and the leaves have started to slowly change colors, I too am changing and I hope that these changes are for the best and for my sons.

 

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The definition of the word Faith is:

1) strong belief or trust in someone or 2) something or  belief in the existence of God : strong religious feelings or beliefs – according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

Faith means so much to so many different people and I remember that growing up, this was a word that my father used a lot and in many different contexts.   But one of the primary ways that he would use, was when he would quote the movie Hogans Heroes and the quote went like this:

Oddball: [looking at aerial pics of the a remaining bridge] Beautiful.
Moriarty: suppose the bridge ain’t there?
Oddball: [groans] Don’t hit me with them negative waves so early in the morning. Think the bridge will be there and it will be there. It’s a mother, beautiful bridge, and it’s gonna be there. Ok?
Oddball: [Later: Oddball is looking through binoculars at the bridge] Still up!
Oddball: [planes fly and bomb the bridge] … No it ain’t. See what sending out them negative waves did, Moriarty?
Moriarty: That ain’t my fault, Oddball, I’ve done nothing but have good thoughts about that damn bridge ever since we left!

For my Dad, he related faith to the bridge, that the bridge would be there because he believed it. I remembered him saying this time and time again as I grew up. I remember talking with my Dad right before my parents separated and I asked how he was doing and he semi-smiled and said “I have faith, because I know that the bridge will be there tomorrow when I wake up.”

As I have grown up, I’ve viewed Faith in many different ways, but this morning, before I even left for work, I found myself telling my wife, “you gotta believe that the bridge is going to be there.” She was so confused, but it made total sense to me and I just had to smile. You see, in the last 24 hours the following has occurred:

  1. A job that I really wanted, fell through. We were too far apart in salary requirements. And it would have required us to relocate and to a place that I really wanted to move to.
  2. A good friend found out that she has Stage 4 Cancer and has 2 – 6 months left to live.
  3. As I walked to my Jeep this morning, a neighbor informed me that she side swiped me.

Most of yesterday and last night and even into this morning, I was really bummed out about the job. I had really hoped that it was going to work out, for a lot of reasons, but it didn’t. My friend, I am just at a loss for words for that and for her family. And by the time I got outside to talk with the neighbor, I just had to laugh. I had to laugh, because crying was not an option.

As I walked away from looking at the damage on my Jeep, I went and helped put the kids in the van and was talking to the boys. Baby A asked if I was mad because my Jeep had a boo boo?  I just smiled and said “no buddy, I’m not mad, because the bridge will be there tomorrow, because I have faith.” Did he understand what I was saying? Nope. But it helped me and I hope that it showed him that I didn’t get upset, lose my cool or get mad. And I hope that as the boys grow up, they see that I live a life of faith and that it helps guide my daily life and how I conduct myself and I hope that it serves as a model for them as they grow up.

 

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My wife sent me this story. My mom sent me a link to this story. And co-workers sent me a link to this story, so finally, I broke down and read 30 Struggles Only a 3-Year-Old Would Understand. And if you are reading the article, you know and understand the world of 3 year old struggles.

Yes, 3 is hard. So was 2. My guess, 4 will pose some challenges as well. But my point is this, when is raising a child not hard? Sure the list of things from this article are all valid and try it with twin 3 year olds, because you have double the struggles.

What I am realizing with our boys at 3 1/2, is that they are learning their way through the world. They are trying to figure out, what they can and can not do. That there are rules that have to be followed, for their own safety. And more importantly, they are adapting. They are adapting to all of the changes around them that happens each and everyday. Change could be with the routine change of daycare to their curiosity of helping me cook dinner.

Everyday, we as adults struggle. Work and our careers. Getting the kids ready and out the door for daycare, what to cook, friends, family, etc. So, why shouldn’t we expect our 3 year old struggles as they go through their day?

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I always heard that as a parent, you should not blink or else you will miss your children growing up right in front of your eyes. Well, they were right.

Last night, after a long Sunday Funday at the Zoo, my oldest son looked at me and proudly proclaimed that he was a big boy and could put his socks on himself. And so it begins.

There is a small part of me that misses the boys when they were infants. They were great to hold and snuggle with, but there is something that is great about having the boys grow up and interact with them. I love being able to ask them about their day and they respond. I love being able to laugh and joke with them, and they get it. But at the same time, there is a little sadness to it as well.

I had this same conversation with my mom this morning and she laughed. She laughed because she remembered me saying that I was a big boy and that I could walk to the mall all by myself if I wanted to at the age of 3. Not that I would have walked 5 miles on my own, but it was the fact that I could say it and the determination to try on my own. But as my mother was telling me this story, I realized, I’m just grateful to have two amazing boys that I get to love and hold and play with each and every day.

So today, I know that my little boys are quickly turning into big boys and I’m going to cherish today and the moments, as soon, they will be asking for the keys to the car for the first time and I’ll remember back to when to when he said, “I’m a big boy”.

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It is the middle of October, the leaves are changing and the air is turning cooler. It means that fall has arrived and fall is my favorite time of year. I don’t know if I love fall because it symbolizes the start of college basketball season? Or maybe it is because of the great craft beers? Or maybe it is because it means that jolly old Saint Nick will be making an appearance very soon.

Today we took the boys out for the day, ran errands, had lunch with my step-brother who was in town, stopped at Yankee Candle for the Harvest candle and then came home. As we were driving home, the boys quietly began talking about Christmas and I could barely contain my excitement.

Christmas for me as a child wasn’t always fun and it certainly wasn’t magical the way a child should experience Christmas. But life isn’t always far, but as God as my witness and as long as I am alive and able, Christmas will be special for my kids.

Tonight, as I rock the boys and ge

t them ready for bed, there is a crisp fall air looming and the temperatures are steadily dropping. And as fall enters for a short period of time, one are one day closer to Christmas.

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I just wanted to thank Joe from Dad’s Guide to Twins for sharing one of my recent blog posts on his podcast. In talking with a friend and fellow father, I recounted the events of the day and asked how I could remain so positive and I just smiled and said perspective.

People are dying, right this minute. Someone is being told that they have cancer, right this minute. Someone is being laid off from their job, right this minute. Each and every one of those scenarios is awful, for their own reasons and I can’t say that if I had any of those conversations this morning, that I wouldn’t be down.

But today, right now, I grateful for the time that I have with my boys. I’m grateful that last night, I got to rock them to sleep and could hear them make noises as they moved in their beds.

It is all about how we view things. I can choose to be frustrated with life, work, people, etc. or I can choose to grateful that I have two healthy boys that love me. I choose the latter.

If you haven’t checked out the site, Dad’s Guide to Twins, please do. Joe has a lot of great information that will help any soon to be father of twins.

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My wife has been out of town the last 5 days, so the Kid drop off and pickup has fallen on me. It is hard being the only parent, I really have no idea how single parents do it full time.

Just for the last few days, I’ve had to adjust my wake up time, get ready myself, then get the kids ready and then head out the door for the kid drop off at daycare. Is it hard? Sure. But it is also rewarding. I love my time with the boys. I love being able to talk with them about all the things that they can do that day. I love getting them excited about school, because for me, it makes the kid drop off that much easier, for me.

Transitions are hard. They are hard on the kids, they are hard on the parents. We have to make sure that we are ok as well when we leave the kids, as the caregivers will be taking care of them for the day. It is scary pulling away from the drive way. It is hard when the kids are crying. But it is also really rewarding picking them up in the afternoon. To have them run full steam and grab onto my legs. I love hearing all the things that they did at school. The activities, the things that they did with their friends, etc.

Today’s kid drop off was better than yesterday. Today, Baby B made it in, took his coat off and his shoes off and put them up against the wall. He hugged and kissed me goodbye, as his brother gave me a highfive and ran to play. Baby B has always struggled more with transitions, but today I was able to make it out the door and into the drive way before he cried.

It broke my heart, especially today and I don’t know why? The kid drop off is probably one of the hardest parts of my day and picking them up at night is without a doubt the best. So here is hoping that tomorrows kid drop off is a little easier.

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On my worst day, it isn’t as bad as most. On my worst day, I get to hug these two little boys. On my worst day, I get two little boys that trust me and call me dad. On my worst day, I get hugs and kisses goodnight.

Today was a challenge. Work is just insane. But they ran to me when I picked them up and hugged and kissed me. Today was not bad at that point.

I am realizing more and more that fatherhood is all about perspective. And today, I choose that being with my boys is a good day.

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