With us moving, my morning commute has taken a dramatic increase in time on the road. From a mileage stand point, it is only about 15 miles more one way, but from a time stand point, it is adding about 20 – 40 minutes longer.
But, as I was driving this morning and was on the phone with my mom, I was explaining the length of my commute and the added stress, but then stopped and begin talking about the benefits of the move. This move has already within just a few days, proven to be beneficial. The boys and I have eaten dinner out every night this week thus far on the deck. We have played tagged after dinner and then had plenty of time to rest up before bath and bed.
Life has been a lot better over the course of the last few days. I’ve slept better not having to worry or deal with some of the things that were going on at our, now old house. My sons seem to be a lot happier. They are able to run and play. They have already made a new friend next door. So yeah, the commute really sucks. But, the trade off is so much better.
And really, at the end of the day, all that matters is my family’s safety. And maybe, when they are older and if they remember the old house, I’ll share with them why we really moved. But then again, maybe I want? Because would it really matter?
There are songs that you can sing along to and there are songs that will stop you in your tracks and bring you to place of being able to 100% with the song and the musician. The first time that I heard the song “Before these walls were blue” by Wade Bowen, I literally had to sit down and just listen.
This past week, our lives have been flipped upside down with trying to prepare for a move. We’ve been packing, trying to line up painters and new carpet, and oh right, plan a birthday for the boys. But Sunday night, I just knew that Boy A was going to have a night terror and I was ok with knowing that I was going to be able to rock him for a few hours that night, because I needed the comfort of protecting him, as much as he needed the comfort of me rocking him to sleep.
As we approached hour two of our rocking, this song came to mind and here is one of the verses and the chorus and then take a listen:
Well I remember sitting there in that old rocker
Reading, trying to get you back to sleep.
Well I’d find myself, laughing at you laughin’
Wishing the hands of time that I could cheat
Yeah I thought that I knew love
Turns out I didn’t have a clue
Before these walls were blue.
As we rocked, I couldn’t believe how time had flown by and all that I wanted to do was slow down time and keep my boys little, just for a few more years. The day that I found out that we were having twins, my head was sent into a whirlwind and I felt so many different emotions, none of which were probably logical or realistic. But as we got closer to the delivery date, the more real things became. But the one emotion that I couldn’t quite grasp, was how could I love these two little boys unconditionally and so completely?
Yeah I thought that I knew love
Turns out I didn’t have a clue
Before these walls were blue.
I had no clue about love, even after they put my sons in my arms. I thought that I had figured out the world, the only thing that I figured out was that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but that I had to figure it out pretty quickly. And that is what I’ve tried to do.
Sure, I’ve made mistakes as a parent. I wish that I could go back and do things over. But the one thing that I realize day after day, before the walls in the boys room were painted blue, I had no concept of love. And as my boys grow up, they are doing more on their own and need my help, less and less, so as I seem them learning new things or handling things on their own, I just wish that the hands of time would slow down a little bit, so that I can continue to take it all in.
Life isn’t always about doing what is best, but it is about doing what’s right.
I was trained to make decisions and trust my gut instinct and sometimes it is hard, but sometimes, you just have to know that what you are deciding is right and when it comes to your kids, I think that it is even harder. And without going into a lot of details, I had to make a very hard decision for our family this past Friday night.
The decision wasn’t a hard one to make, but it is what’s right for my family and in the coming weeks, we will be moving to a new house and in a new town. The decision to move was easy, it was all of the other factors, longer commute, leaving our church, leaving the first house that the boys grew up in and the only house that they know as their home, but the reasons that we are leaving outweighed all of those factors.
I had a long talk Friday morning with my Godfather and he let me talk through the pros and cons and when we were finished, he paused and simply said “you know the right thing to do. It might not be what you want to do, but it what’s right for your boys.” And he is right. So, in the next few weeks, we’ll embark on a new change, a change that will cause some stress and longer commutes and things like that, but in the end, it will be for the better for the boys and that is what it is all about.
I’ve realized that being a parent isn’t about what is best for me, but it’s what’s right for my boys.
Losing sucks, there is just no nice way to say it! Last night, UNC lost to dook and it SUCKED! I’m still mad. I’m mad this morning, not that UNC lost, but how they lost. They didn’t play hard. They didn’t play as a team. They weren’t focused on the end goal of winning.
I remember growing up and playing sports, we lost games because guys didn’t hustle. Last night, UNC didn’t hustle and that is what makes losing sucks the most. And at the end of the game, after I had used more bad language than one adult should use, my wife looked at me and said “it is just a game.”
How sweet, she thinks that it is just a game.. No, UNC basketball is a way of life. And when it is the UNC vs. dook game, it is about bragging rights. It is about that stretch between 15-501 that separates these two schools and at the end of the day, losing to the dookies sucks. My Godfather and I have had text messages all night and day. My brother who is in LA and I have been exchanging text messages, I can’t even log onto Facebook today, because all the dookies have photos and it just fuels my anger even more.
Sure, it is just a game, but losing sucks, especially when the outcome could have been different. So on the way into work this morning, I thought about Dean Smith and the games that he coached against Krashitski and then this quote popped into my head and it rings true today, both for the game and in life.
“What to do with a mistake: recognize it, admit it, learn from it, forget it.” – Dean Smith
So, how will UNC learn from the game, because it is in the past and nothing can change the outcome? What will my kids do to learn from their mistakes when they play sports? Recognize the mistake, admit it (Coach Williams has partially done that today), learn from it (he isn’t going to call time outs, so scratch that one) and forget it, and unfortunately, if you ever play sports, you don’t forget it.
Losing sucks and it is hard to get past it sometimes. Today is a new day. Today is a new opportunity. Yesterday is gone and in the past. Learn from the past and make today and tomorrow better.
On the way to church on Sunday morning, we were talking with the boys and it was during a moment of quietness that Boy A shouted out that he had 5 Girlfriends. And if that wasn’t enough, not only did he have the 5 girlfriends, he was getting married to one of them.
Here is the difference between Dads and Moms. I gave my son a fist bump and asked a few key questions.
1) what about the other 4 girlfriends?
2) how was he going to pay for his wedding?
3) what did her parents think about them getting married so quickly?
4) did he proposal or did she just tell them that they were getting married?
To me, these were all important questions. To his mom, she was almost in tears and there I was fighting back laughing. The reality is, that apparently my son does have 5 girlfriends at school, as this was confirmed by his teacher this morning. And no, my other son has zero and seems perfectly content.
It is good to laugh. In fact, if we don’t laugh, we’ll end up with a really boring life. And we really shouldn’t take things like a 5 year old too seriously when it comes to getting married. But what I am proud of, is how they have really adapted to being in a new environment and how they have really made new friends.
These boys will love and lose girlfriends along the way. It is just a fact. But I love watching them and how their personalities are really shining and really coming out.
So to my son with 5 girlfriends, save up, because you’ll need a lot of money for dates in the future.
When I got up this morning, every thing just seemed off. My head was hurting, my teeth were hurting, I just wasn’t myself. I knew what today was, how could I not? I knew the meaning of today and I dread it every year. How could I forget?
My phone started dinging around 6:30 a.m. with messages from Facebook and a few text messages trickled through. Rarely do we discuss it, we both know what the other is thinking. We try to act and feel like things are ok and normal, but they aren’t. Normalcy ended 7 years ago today.
Life as we knew it changed with one event, one moment, one second, one phone call, one accident.
7 years ago today, my mother in law was killed in a tragic car accident and forever our lives were and have been changed. So today, 7 years later, I sit in quiet and reflect on the day and what has changed. I wonder quietly how things would be different if that accident had not happened. But it did.
Regrets, yeah I have a few. Not spending more time. She not seeing my sons. And the hurt and pain are still there, even after 7 years.
Tomorrow, life returns to the normalcy that we have embraced. Tomorrow is a new day and the memories fade just a little bit more. Tomorrow will be one day closer to 8 years.
Sometimes it is good to step outside of your comfort zone. Life can get too boring if you don’t.
Tonight, I’m going to do something that I’ve never done before, I’m volunteering at a Shelter, to help those that have no where to go tonight and mind you, today’s high was in the teens, so tonight will probably be in the single digits. And why a cold weather shelter, I don’t know, why not? Our church has two nights a week that they go, check people in, get them situated, etc. and I thought why not?
My life has been very boring lately and more importantly, predictable. I needed something. I needed something that would shake my day/life up a little and to help me step outside of my personal comfort zone and do something completely different.
My hope tonight, is that I can be there to help someone else. I hope tonight, I can provide a kind word, give someone a warm meal or drink, give them a blanket or just sit and listen. My hope tonight, is that someone appreciates what I am doing. My hope tonight, is that they see how much I need this, as much as they need me there. My hope tonight, is that this is the first step of living outside of my comfort zone.
Sometimes I like to drift off into a deep thought and just forget about life for a little while and as we wrapped up the end of the year, I spent a lot of time in quietness. I needed some time to reflect on life, step away and gain focus.
We’ve gone through many changes in the past year, some good, some not as good as we had hoped.
We for the most part as a family remained healthy, minus the typical colds, etc.
We did have our first ER trip though for Boy B & Boy A did have to get stitches, but considering that they are over 4 and these were our first visits, that isn’t too bad.
My wife and I both continued towards our goals of losing more weight. I believe that we are both around 20 – 25 pounds from our Phase I goals.
Financially was 1 step forward and 3 back. We got hit with a lot of unexpected bills this year for cars. So, that has been a constant struggle these last few months, BUT we increased our giving to charity by close to $2,000.
We found and have gotten involved in a new church and have really felt that this was a much needed change for us.
I’m sure that I’ve missed a lot, but those were just a few of the things that coming to mind last week as I was reflecting on the year. But it was also during this time of being in deep thought, that I realized how big of a difference the boys have made this past year. We had to change their daycare and put them in a daycare center, as opposed to the in home daycare that they were use to and they did great. We’ve asked them to trust us more and let them do more, i.e. they are always outside with me at the grill and they are both learning how to cook.
And it is through this time that I’ve also realized that my boys are growing up more and more and that I’ve got to change and adapt more. I have to be ok and allow them to try new things and take some leaps of faith. These little guys just never seem to stop amazing me and learning new things.
To say that I’m a proud father, might be an underestimate of the day. To say that I am sad that they are growing up really fast, is also an underestimate of the day as well. So as I reflect and sit in silence and enjoying my time in deep thought, I hope that all of those that are reading this, have a safe and happy 2016.
And one day, when my sons learn about this blog, I hope that they understand how much I love them and how proud of them that I am. And I hope that they read these words and gain an insight into my life with them and pick up a few little things along the way about being a father of twins.
Today marked a new day in the life of not only my boys, but mine as a father. Today, the boys started a new daycare. And for those that missed out on that story, you can read part of it here, as since the majority of that story is personal and private for the daycare provider.
But over the weekend, we took the boys to get a lunch box and last night we got them to help us pack their lunch for today and they were beyond excited. I really think that just simple as simple as letting them help pack their lunch, made a HUGE difference in the transition of the new daycare/pre-K school. And then this morning, both boys were up early, they dressed themselves and were ready to leave, well before I had my first cup of coffee and the entire time, I kept wondering if the shoe was going to drop and one or both were going to freak out.
Around 8am this morning, we made the 3 mile drive, went in and got them checked in, talked with their teacher and the boys actually hugged us and told us to leave. I was tearing up and they are kicking us out the door. A new day in the lives of our boys. Today they walked into a new daycare/school for the first time and immediately started making new friends. My whole day, I’ve been on pins and needles waiting to hear how the day went.
A new day is coming to an end and another first is behind us. This new daycare is really going to prepare the boys for kindergarten, help them learn how to write and both boys are starting to show a interest in learning how to read. Our last daycare was an in home and we all loved the that environment and the lady that took care of our sons and we are very grateful for the time that we had with her. We are also very sad that she was shut down and especially for the reasons that it lead up to it. But we are also hopeful that this new daycare will prepare the boys and give them a head start to their next year in school.
Being a parents often times requires us to pivot a lot. Pivot quick and often and at a moments notice. Last night, we had to pivot and we are still trying t figure out our next move.
Yesterday at the end of the day, we were informed that the state shut down our daycare. No notice. Nothing. My wife was scheduled to go out of town and I was going to have to figure all of this out on my own. Work. Daycare. Pivot.
I had to quickly figure out my schedule, plan on working from home, contact the state, get a list of possible alternative daycare providers, etc. And somehow, explain to the boys that we had to change providers, again, but that they were going to make a lot of new friends. Difficult few hours, absolutely.
Last night, I got the boys together and my wife and I sat down and figured out a game plan. We cancelled her trip, I got the basketball game on and just drifted away from life for a few hours. This morning, I started working and also reaching out to other providers and forgot how intense it was going through this process.
Life is full of challenges. Full of changes. Full of times where we have to pivot and change directions at the drop of the hat. But we have to do this for the benefit of our children and we have to do it, because being a parent, things change in a moments notice.
