Growing Up

There are songs that you can sing along to and there are songs that will stop you in your tracks and bring you to place of being able to 100% with the song and the musician.  The first time that I heard the song “Before these walls were blue” by Wade Bowen, I literally had to sit down and just listen.

This past week, our lives have been flipped upside down with trying to prepare for a move. We’ve been packing, trying to line up painters and new carpet, and oh right, plan a birthday for the boys. But Sunday night, I just knew that Boy A was going to have a night terror and I was ok with knowing that I was going to be able to rock him for a few hours that night, because I needed the comfort of protecting him, as much as he needed the comfort of me rocking him to sleep.

As we approached hour two of our rocking, this song came to mind and here is one of the verses and the chorus and then take a listen:

Well I remember sitting there in that old rocker
Reading, trying to get you back to sleep.
Well I’d find myself, laughing at you laughin’
Wishing the hands of time that I could cheat

Yeah I thought that I knew love
Turns out I didn’t have a clue
Before these walls were blue.

As we rocked, I couldn’t believe how time had flown by and all that I wanted to do was slow down time and keep my boys little, just for a few more years. The day that I found out that we were having twins, my head was sent into a whirlwind and I felt so many different emotions, none of which were probably logical or realistic. But as we got closer to the delivery date, the more real things became. But the one emotion that I couldn’t quite grasp, was how could I love these two little boys unconditionally and so completely?

Yeah I thought that I knew love
Turns out I didn’t have a clue
Before these walls were blue.

I had no clue about love, even after they put my sons in my arms. I thought that I had figured out the world, the only thing that I figured out was that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but that I had to figure it out pretty quickly. And that is what I’ve tried to do.

Sure, I’ve made mistakes as a parent. I wish that I could go back and do things over. But the one thing that I realize day after day, before the walls in the boys room were painted blue, I had no concept of love. And as my boys grow up, they are doing more on their own and need my help, less and less, so as I seem them learning new things or handling things on their own, I just wish that the hands of time would slow down a little bit, so that I can continue to take it all in.

Read more

Secretly, I’m going to miss the day and it is going to happen a lot faster than I want to admit, when the boys no longer want to rock at night.  And that is going to be a really sad day for me.

Most nights, I would probably say, 5 out of 7, I put the boys down by myself. I get them ready for bed, read, and then we sing a song or two and then put them down. Depending on how tired they are, Boy A will want to rock, which means that if Boy B hasn’t fallen asleep within 5 minutes of his head hitting the pillow, that he too will want to rock. Tonight, was no different.  And as I was rocking Boy A, it hit me, he is getting bigger and will not want to do this much longer.

Secretly, I’m really going to miss this. This is our time to talk (whisper), sing (I’m an awful singer), and just share our thoughts for the day and be together. This is our time and no one can take that away from us. It is the time that we formed a strong bond and a solid trust. I shared stories of my childhood, some at least, we made up stories before bed, we talked about plans for the next day. All of these things, I will dearly miss when you no longer want me to rock you to sleep.

Does that mean that we will not still do those things, no, not at all. We’ll still do all of those things and more! But those moments were you would fall asleep in my arms, holding onto my finger for dear life, I’ll never get those nights back. And I will miss those moments.

Read more

I always heard that as a parent, you should not blink or else you will miss your children growing up right in front of your eyes. Well, they were right.

Last night, after a long Sunday Funday at the Zoo, my oldest son looked at me and proudly proclaimed that he was a big boy and could put his socks on himself. And so it begins.

There is a small part of me that misses the boys when they were infants. They were great to hold and snuggle with, but there is something that is great about having the boys grow up and interact with them. I love being able to ask them about their day and they respond. I love being able to laugh and joke with them, and they get it. But at the same time, there is a little sadness to it as well.

I had this same conversation with my mom this morning and she laughed. She laughed because she remembered me saying that I was a big boy and that I could walk to the mall all by myself if I wanted to at the age of 3. Not that I would have walked 5 miles on my own, but it was the fact that I could say it and the determination to try on my own. But as my mother was telling me this story, I realized, I’m just grateful to have two amazing boys that I get to love and hold and play with each and every day.

So today, I know that my little boys are quickly turning into big boys and I’m going to cherish today and the moments, as soon, they will be asking for the keys to the car for the first time and I’ll remember back to when to when he said, “I’m a big boy”.

Read more

Today, the boys and I ventured out and had a little Sunday Funday!  Since it was such a nice day, we took a short drive out to the country to visit a local pumpkin patch, then the Nature Center, pizza for dinner and then called it a night.

While out at the pumpkin patch, I put the boys on horses for the first time and they loved it. They laughed and giggled the entire time. They talked about wanting a lasso and saying “YEEE HAWWW!”  And as I sat and watched my sons, I realized how much that they were growing up and growing up entirely too fast. They were on their own. They were sitting there on a horse and loving life. But after the horse rides, we took a hay ride over to the pumpkin patch and they listened, they played, they looked at pumpkins and they enjoyed every minute of being out there.

But what I realized, was that they were growing up. They were learning and putting things that we’ve taught them into practice. They were absorbing. They were learning. They were having fun.

When we got home, Baby B fell asleep 10 minutes after we left the restaurant and when we got home, Baby A helped me bringing in a small grocery bag, but what I didn’t realize, is that while I was getting Baby B changed and into bed, Baby A was downstairs putting the contents of the bag on the table for me. He said that he had seen me empty groceries and wanted to help. He was growing up!

What I’m learning about being a father of twins, is that no two days are alike, just like my sons. I’m learning that though Baby A has a HUGE vocabulary, Baby B can count from 0 – 30 and also in increments of 10s, from 10 to 100. I am learning that Baby A can adjust to things a lot easier than Baby B, especially if he is tired. I’m learning that you can’t compare twins, plain and simple, but what you can do, is realize that they are different individuals that just so happened were born 1 min and 30 seconds apart. I am learning that what works for one, may or may not work for the other in terms of discipline and also teaching them new things.

But what I’ve learned more than anything, is that they are becoming more and more independent and are growing up entirely too fast.

Read more

I was rocking my son tonight and when he looked up and smiled at me, it hit me, I started hearing Edwin McCain‘s song “I Could Not Ask For More.”

These are the moments I’ll remember all my life
I found all I’ve waited for
And I could not ask for more

When rocking him to sleep, he looks up at me before he closed his eyes and smiled. I know that I will not be able to hold him for the rest of his life, but I am treasuring these moments and I don’t want them to end. I see how my sons are growing, learning new things, figuring things out on their own and just basically, growing up.

I want to cherish these moments and to enjoy them all. Enjoy Edwin’s video:

Read more