Religion

I do not admit very often that I cried, but today I did and do. Today, I feel that I just told my grandfather goodbye and that I loved him for the last time.

My grandfather, who is 91, has been really struggled for the last few months, since the heart attack that he had back in May. And let’s just say I think that he would had rather gone out of this world than endure what he has since, as being confined to a chair isn’t how he wanted to live.

He is a proud man, who served this country at the age of 22 and went off to Germany to fight in WWII. When he and his brother returned from the war, they purchased a farm in North Carolina and for 40 years plus, that was what put food on the table and provided a livelihood for the family.

He didn’t live a life with the nicest things, but what he had he treasured and talking with people, that is what treasured the most. My grandfather and I had a standing weekly Saturday call at 1pm and it didn’t matter where I was in the world, we had that call. He would tell me about farming or how my grandmother was doing and I would describe what I was looking at if I was traveling.

You see, my grandfather really didn’t travel. In fact, his first and only flight, was to come and see my sons and myself a year ago. I had just always assumed that he flew to Germany for the war, but in fact, he took a boat ride from a port, which ironically enough, was not far from where I live today. But while my grandfather was here for that trip a year ago, we talked about his flight and how he flirted with the flight attendants and it was at that point, he made 2 really important observations about flying:

  1. That he had spent his entire life on the farm looking up at the bottoms of the clouds, but never could imagine the view that he got to see while looking down at the tops of them.
  2. At some point during the flight, he looked at my father, his son and smiled and said “I’m halfway to heaven and I’m that much closer to seeing your mom again.”

Wow! I have flown hundreds of times and not once, not once did I every have that insight. Not once did I think about where I grew up in North Carolina and standing on a baseball field and looking up at the clouds and think about one day spending who knows how many hours flying above the clouds?

And as for the part about my grandmother, you see she had Alzheimer’s for 12 years and my grandfather made the decision to be her primary care giver while she was at home. I will never know all that he did for her and how much abuse he took as the last few years, she became combative, but what I do know, is that he loved that woman and still does to this day and is a wonderful example of how a marriage should work.

My grandparents meet in grade school and got married right after high school and shortly after getting married he left for the war. They had 3 children, 1 being my father, were married for 64 years and through good times and towards the end, it was pretty bad, the lived and loved and worked together. They went to a little white church and that was an important life lesson that not only where the kids taught about, but the grandparents too. To this day, if I walked into their 10 pew church, I could point out exactly where we sat.

I learned a lot from my grandfather, who to drive a truck and a tractor, how to fish, how to laugh and probably one thing that I’ll never forget, is how to treat others. In Eastern North Carolina, I promise you, the number of people that my grandfather the majority were not white. Honestly, the only white people working were my family.

So today, I just had this tugging at my heart and as I sat on the sofa alone and my sons were upstairs playing, I picked up the phone and gave him a call. We didn’t talk very long, maybe 10 minutes as the Congestive Heart Failure and fluid build up is causing him to cough a lot when he talks. But as we talked and I could tell he needed a break he said the following too me “son, I want you to always be there for your family. Teach your sons the important things in life, like going to church, to always love one another and to always laugh.” And as he finished, we both were crying uncontrollably, we just said I love you.

After hanging up, I just sat in tears on the sofa and I cried. I cried for the loss of a great man, that I know the time is near. I cried for joy, in knowing that he will see my grandmother again and probably very soon. I cried, because a man who gave his all for this country, our family and gave unconditional love, will be greatly missed. He showed me the important things in life and shared may stories with me that I will be able to share with my sons when they ask about him. And even though they are old enough now to know him, because we live 6 hours away, they only get to see him 2 times a year.

So tonight as I reflect on the call and the calls that my grandfather and I have had, I am honored to have known and to have loved such an amazing guy. He taught me so much and he will be so greatly missed. Now, I just wait for the call from my dad, which I am sure going to be soon….

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To my sons, this is my hope and wishes for you.

Regrets, yeah I’ve a few in my life and some of those have seemed to have crept up lately and got me thinking.  So I wanted to share a few thoughts and ideas.

  • Life is to short to have any regrets, so live today as it is your last. Live life to the fullest everyday, as we aren’t guaranteed that there is a tomorrow.
  • Follow your heart and your passions for your career and know that you are able to change directions at anytime. BUT, choose a career that you love doing and the day that you wake up and dread going into work that day, it is time to change.
  • Travel. See the country. Eat in dives. Drink really good beer. Visit the Grand Canyon and sit in silence and listen to the sounds. Visit the beach on the east coast and put your toes in the sand and take a cross country flight to LA and goto the beach there and do the same thing. Experience as much as you can of local cultures and talk with strangers. Yes, today as you are a child, do not talk with strangers, but when you are an adult. Talk with strangers and learn and absorb the culture.
  • Learn to cook. You are both well on your way to this now as you both help me a lot to cook or grill. But learn to cook and learn to cook different foods and really challenge yourself and your love of food. And remember, a cheap grill is just that, cheap. Spend the money for a nice grill and it is an investment that will be well worth it.
  • Save your money. It isn’t the most important thing, but will afford you the ability to do the things that you love doing.
  • Faith – have faith in something. We will do our best to introduce you, but it will ultimately be up to you to continue that faith in a higher being.
  • The old saying is very true. It is better to give than receive. Help someone else that is less fortunate than you are. You have never gone a day of wanting in your life. You have been blessed beyond what you’ll ever be able to know and understand, so help someone that needs a chance.
  • Your mom and I will not always be there for you, so learn how to take care of yourself and learn to pickup after yourself. I was 21 before I learned how to wash clothes, you will learn before then and your wives will thank you and us.
  • And this might be the most important life lesson that I have for you. When you meet the love of your life and you will know it and please, do not let her go. TRUST ME on this one guys, you’ll regret it everyday if you do and it will cause a lot of heartache, frustrations and struggles. If you learn nothing else from me, learn this.

Life is hard. Life will throw you curve balls, but you have to sit back and wait for the right pitch to take and promise me that you’ll live your life to the fullest and life with no regrets.

These are just a few of the life lessons that I hope to be able to share with you throughout your life, but life is too short to live with regrets.

 

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Tonight as the boys and I were reading our nightly stories, we finished up Max Lucado’s “God Thinks Your Wonderful” and as we were reading, Baby B sits up in bed and says “Gods Way Is Perfect!”  And then he sat back down in his bed and I tried to finish reading the book.

After that point, I really don’t remember much of the story other than I just wanted to hug my son.

Today was one of those days at work, things didn’t go according to plan and I just didn’t seem to get ahead. But tonight, after Baby B said “Gods Way Is Perfect” I just felt like God was talking to me. And I don’t mean that in a weird way, but I felt that was my time with God tonight. I had already read my devotional, but that was my moment of God saying that everything was ok! But tonight, in that moment, life was ok, better than ok, it was perfect.

Tonight, Gods Way Is Perfect!

 

 

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I’ve seen it on the news for years, but this is the first time that I have ever been faced with something like this. But tonight, as I put the boys to bed, I held them a little tighter and kissed them a few extra times. Never in my life, did I think that I would see riots this close to me? Never in my life, did I think that I would see riots less than 10 miles from my office or less than 30 miles from our home.

Tonight as I watch the news, I am speechless. Tonight as I listen to the Governor of Maryland, I am numb. These are places that I have recently walked, there are places that are being burned down that I have recently driven by.  I am numb by the response of the protestors and I’m also numb by the response by several adults. Here are the facts, a young man, who had what appears to be a troubled path, was buried by his family. No parent should ever buried their children.

But tonight, there is a different feeling in the air. There is a different concern and feeling. Tonight, I kept the TV off so that I could shelter the boys from the riots in Baltimore, but I couldn’t keep my mind focused. Tonight, my feelings are pretty clear, but I’ll have to save those for another. I have listened to co-workers and even my wife talk about their sadness, tonight, I am just mad.

Baltimore residents who protested peacefully, the death of Freddie Gray, you did it right. It is those that wanted to take their protests to the next level where they were destroying private property. I had tried to stay off social media, because I felt that I would be be outraged and I have been. I tried to limit my communication with others, because I would be upset and angry, and I have been. I just wanted my wife to get home tonight, who was north of Baltimore city and she did.

The Governor declared a state of emergency due to the riots and tonight, I have no clue how and if I will make it into the office tomorrow. But, tonight, I was able to put the boys with an extra long hug and a kiss goodnight. My wife made it home safely and I was able to hug and kiss her.

But I pray for those that are in the city that are effected by the riots. I pray that those are protected the innocent, that those will be protected and yes, I have several friends and spouses of friends that are down in that area tonight.

And tonight, I have learned a powerful and important lesson and that there is a time and place for my smart ass remarks and tonight isn’t the night. I pray for safety and God’s mercies for those that are are in Baltimore tonight effected by the riots and I pray for calmer heads.  And I pray that your mommy doesn’t have to go into work tomorrow and be put into harms way, AMEN.

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We normally think about New Beginnings with the ringing in of New Years Eve, but yesterday seemed to have that same feeling for my wife and I. A few weeks ago, I mentioned a post about titled “I Promise“. That day lead to conversations about church, life and everything that we needed for a new life, conversations that my wife and I had been having for a year, but they were just that, conversations.

Yesterday, March 8th, at 11:30 a.m. we as a family, started on our journey of new beginnings. Together, we put one font in front of another and within a few minutes, the weight of the world seemed to slowly life. Pain was being replaced by joy. Tears were happy tears and not filled with pain and sorrow. In a few minutes, our family had a different outlook, a different perspective, a new beginning.  After a lot of discussion, we decided to attend a church that was close to the house. Neither my wife nor myself had any idea what was going to happen when we walked through the doors, but what happened was nothing short of a miracle. Heck, the entire day was nothing short of a miracle.

As we walked through the doors of the church, we were immediately greeted and shown where to go to drop the boys off for children’s church. As we walked up, Baby A wanted nothing to do with going in, but Baby B was ready to go. He immediately introduced himself, his brother, my wife and myself and off he went to play. Within just a few minutes, they were both playing and having fun. As my wife and I made our way into the sanctuary, there was a feeling of calm and peace that I think that both my wife and I have been searching for, but had not found.  As we got situated in our seats, I looked over during the first song and my wife had tears in her eyes and for the first time in a long time, she had tears of joy and not sorrow. This was our first step on our journey of our families new beginnings.

After we picked up the boys from children’s church, they were so excited to have met new friends and played, that we took the boys for donuts, but who doesn’t love donuts?  We talked and we laughed over sprinkle donuts, as my wife and I held hands and laughed and enjoyed our coffee. Healing was beginning to take place over donuts. We were out and having fun together and we had just had a great experience at church and those new beginnings, started their at church.

We ran a few quick errands and then went home and opened the doors and started clearing out the kitchen and before we new it, we had completely thrown out all of the old stuff that we weren’t using. De-cluttering of the kitchen felt amazing!  My wife and I both felt that this was the start to our downsize and preparation for a future move. (It is easier to downsize when you don’t’ have to get out of a house quickly, than it is to be stressed and only have a few weeks.)  But we even got the boys to help get some of their toys in order too. As we worked through the kitchen, we planned our next weekend project and we are going to go room by room or section by section to really get things paired down in the house. We have a lot of stuff, things that we rarely even use.

As the day went on and we worked and we played, Baby A asked if we could go out and grill something, he is definitely my kid. So, off we went, just the two of us as his brother played inside with my wife. My son and I talked about life, listened to bluegrass and Texas Red Dirt music and we laughed. We really laughed a lot. I think that we laughed to the point that I cried, cried tears of joy though. And after we were finished and it was time for bed, it was just my wife and I. We sat on the sofa and talked about the new beginnings that we had experienced and how it was almost a perfect day. I asked what effected her the most about church and she did not want to talk about it, other than she was so happy that I had suggested that we go.

I don’t know what today will bring, let alone tomorrow, but today, right now, we celebrated the new beginnings and are looking forward to the future.

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Love is patient, love is kind.

How many times have you heard that at a wedding? But have you thought about it as it pertains to your kids? With twins, usually if one kid is sick, the other kid will get it too.

This morning, I was cooking breakast, listening to Miles Davis as the kids were playing. Baby A was getting over the croup cough and a fever and Baby B was coming down with a fever. And as I cooked, I thought of a familiar Bible verse and I thought about it in a completely different way:

love is patient, love is kind

Baby A was trying us, he was tired, he was fussy, he was trying to fight with his brother who was fighting a fever and I was trying to cook breakfast and the kids were fighting on sofa and it hit me

Love is patient, love is kind

and it can really mean multiple things at different times in our lives.  It can be a bible verse that is read during your wedding, in times of trouble, I have even heard that verse read at a funeral, but not once have I read/heard that verse rreferenced to child raising.

Today was a trying day.  One kid that was on the minds, one kid that was fighting a fever and my patience was really being tested.  I was struggling to be able to cook and do a little cleaning while the boys were fighting. But, as I thought about the verse, the word that hit me the hardest was love. Because without love, there is no patience. Without love, none of this happens.

So as we get one boy over a sickness and another through the sickness, love remains.

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On this Good Friday, I am often thinking less about the death of Jesus, but more about the resurrection. The act of selfness that Jesus bore the burdens and sins of Christians and died for us.
In my readings this week, these two verses really hit home with me:

“But let me tell you something wonderful, a mystery I’ll probably never fully understand. We’re not all going to die— but we are all going to be changed. You hear a blast to end all blasts from a trumpet, and in the time that you look up and blink your eyes—it’s over. On signal from that trumpet from heaven, the dead will be up and out of their graves, beyond the reach of death, never to die again. At the same moment and in the same way, we’ll all be changed. In the resurrection scheme of things, this has to happen: everything perishable taken off the shelves and replaced by the imperishable, this mortal replaced by the immortal. Then the saying will come true: Death swallowed by triumphant Life! Who got the last word, oh, Death? Oh, Death, who’s afraid of you now? It was sin that made death so frightening and law-code guilt that gave sin its leverage, its destructive power. But now in a single victorious stroke of Life, all three—sin, guilt, death—are gone, the gift of our Master, Jesus Christ. Thank God!”
1 Corinthians 15:56, 57 MSG

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
John 14:1-3

I view death two ways: 1) your physical body on earth is no longer and 2) your everlasting life in Heaven begins.

So on this Good Friday, think about what Jesus gave up for you. Think about how he gave the ultimate sacrifice, his life, and think about what you’ve done and given up for others.

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It is that time again, the time for Christians to decide what they are going to give up or take on for Lent. Last year, I gave up Coke Zero and you can read more about it here.

I have read that several friends are giving up social media, due to the distraction that it has caused in their lives.   I know that others are giving up soft drinks and chocolates. Well, I think that I’m going to do something different. I had 2 goals that I wanted to focus on this year for myself, reading the bible daily, which I have to say, I’ve been on top of that one. And then I’ve wanted to go to the gym more, which I have not been doing. So, for Lent this year, I am going to make the commitment to go to the gym, at least 2 times a week. And I realize that 2 times a week is not a lot, but it is a start.

 

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Growing up in the church, I always remember that people would refer to the church goers that would attend Christmas and Easter as “Those People”. And it hit me this morning, of late, we’ve become “Those People”. I was reading my devotional this morning and it hit me, the biggest part of going to church, was not always the message, but the fellowship with others. With other believers that shared a common belief and faith.

A lot of my earliest memories and closest friends, come from my time running up and down the halls at church. And as I grew and faced some challenges with my family, I took a break from the church. I couldn’t understand how God would allow two people that I knew, the pastor of our church and his son, to die with in the same week. So I quit going.

Two years later, I get a phone call from my mother and my sister’s best friend’s mom just died.  My mom asked me to goto the funeral, which I did and something happened while I was there, I found that fellowship again. I found that common belief and that faith that I had been missing, in the the funeral that day.  Then I moved.

Living in Texas, it is true, a lot of things are really bigger in Texas, including the churches.  I went to one of the two Methodist churches in town and went to grab a hymnal only to realize that I was the only one in the sanctuary not reading the words off the wall from the projector. I struggled to fit in, but was on this roll and didn’t want to be one of “Those People” again. Then one day, a friend in my small group suggested that a few of us check out the other Methodist church in town, because it was smaller. So I took a chance.

4 years later, I missed only a handful services and cried the day that I moved and left that church. I was a part of a church for the first and loved every minute. Even though I traveled a lot for work, I stopped by the church to pray before every flight in our open 24 hr chapel. I was very close to our associate pastor, who I met with once a week for coffee and was one of the greatest men that I have ever gotten to know. But a job came along, so I moved again.

I really struggled finding a new church when I got to the Northeast, the Methodist churches here just didn’t seem to have caught up with what we were doing in church, so I disengaged, I was frustrated. I became one of “Those People” again.

Then, a few months later, I met my now wife.  We were talking one day about church and I told her my background and how I’ve struggled to find a church, which was perfect because she was really involved with her Methodist church and wanted me to come with her to meet her friends and family.  Because we lived 45 miles from the church, we didn’t always go, but we went at least 3 of the 4 Sundays each month. Then we were forced to face the tragic and untimely death of her mom and we became more involved than ever.  Then we had kids.

For the first year, we did ok. Then I needed to make a change and go to a different church, due to some philosophical differences that I had with the local church. We found a church much closer to home and the boys enjoyed going. Then, the boys started getting sick and we didn’t want other kids to get sick, so we stayed home. Then my wife would be on call and taking the boys to church when they are 2, was a little more than I could handle, so we stayed home. We were tired, usually because Baby A wasn’t sleeping, so we stayed home. The weather would be icy/snowy, so we stayed home. Soon, it just became an excuse and we were “Those People”.

Today, as I was looking outside, it hit me, it hit me, I miss the fellowship. I miss the connection that I would feel when going to church. I miss those memories of being around others, that shared a like belief and faith. And I felt guilty that  I haven’t been more proactive with taking the boys to church. But no more. No more excuses. No more reasons that are not legit. I can’t and will not get back into that habit again. I will not deny my boys the opportunity to start a life of faith and build their beliefs. Starting today, we are no longer “THOSE PEOPLE”.

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There are lessons in life that we all must learn, but some are harder than others. Growing up, one of the things that I always remember my grandfather telling me was that when you go to bed, you drop all of your worries. That you do not worry about what happened today or yesterday and that tomorrow is a new day. But with that, he went a step further to say that forgiving, that that is one of the greatest gifts that we can give and that we should not hold onto anger, especially towards others.

I came across this Bible verse today: Luke 6 : 37-38 and it reads:

37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

One of the things that we are trying to teach the boys is that if they do something to the other or if they do something to someone else, that they have to say they are sorry. We want the boys to apologize and know that when they do something wrong. But, more importantly, we want the other to see and show forgiveness.

Saying you are sorry is easy, but forgiving, that is the hard part.

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